Need guidance desperately.

[Indonesia1]

Hi I posted this question without reply but I did waffle a lot. I appreciate anyone reading this, i'm just desperate for advice. I've been feeling low. I apologise that it's so long.

 

Me and my ex broke up 7 months ago. We had been arguing more and he seemed to want sex less. I got very insecure and this perpetuated it all, downhill spiral from there. I havent gained any weight and look pretty much the same from when we first started dating.

I found it very hard to get closure. Initially he said he wasnt sure if he saw me romantically and saw me more as a friend but he wasnt sure if it was just the end of the honeymoon phase. But he would kiss me (when we were e undecided) and complement me. I got tired of being in limbo and and 'unsure' option and I went to break my own heart and end it for good. He was sobbing and asked me not to give up on him and that he was immature and confused. I was torn so I decided to see how things progressed. In the end there was a betrayal of trust and we decided to break up for good.

 

in the preceding months we fought when we went out like mad. He was so angry at me all the time. Told me he had no feelings for me and would practically shout it. I didnt understand the need for thr aggressiveness in his response. It wasnt like I was latching onto him or asking him to get back together.

 

He started hitting the gym A LOT. We stopped talking. He started having one night stands and flings with very attractive girls. I went the other way and partied non stop. Taking its toll mentally and physically.

 

We're medical students and he is (constantly) complemented on how handsome he is and always seems to have a lot of female attention. I always felt inferiorly physically and my self worth hit rock bottom lately. Its on fb that hes been getting with an insanely stunning model lately. Hes not in another relationship and hasnt been serious with anyone since.

 

I saw today by complete chance that hes been talking to the one girl I hoped he wouldnt go for. A girl who was deeply infatuated with from his school years ago. She just broke up with her boyfriend. She is so beautiful and very intelligent.

 

This paints my ex in a bad light. He was seemingly borderline obssessed with me when we were together. I treeated him quite badly (I regret hurting him). I dont want to reconcile.

 

My questions:

1)why would my ex be so angry if he only saw and cared for me as a friend?? Do you think my the sounds of things he did stop seeing me romantically?

 

2) how do I improve my own self esteem about how I look and feel. I feel ugly constantly. Nothing I do seems to help and comparing myself with these girls is depressing.

 

3) Any other general support and advice? The story does go deeper but ive already waffled a lot. Feeling very low today. Its been too long. The relationship was only 9 months and my first love but why cant I stop caring if I dont want him back?

 

4) how do you deal with rejection generally?

Edited July 25, 2014 by Indonesia1

[Philosoraptor]

You need to take your focus off of him (including getting over him) and put it into making yourself happy.

 

You needn't compare yourself to others, that is where you are hurting yourself. Focus on your good qualities rather than worrying about how you might compare to any person in any way.

[Sweet108]

You've got to stop checking his Facebook if you want to recover, detach from him and feel good about yourself again.

It hurts, I know, but people here are speaking the truth.

NC is the only way to feel better.

[Indonesia1]

I know but I don't know what I should be doing to feel 'happy'. I actually deleted him off FB. These are things I have too see through our mutual friends.

 

I understand I have been obsessing. I have never felt that way about a person really. I just keep putting it down to my physical attractiveness. He never said this was the case but could it be true? Incredibly shallow I know. And from that I find it very difficult to feel good about myself.

 

He actually insulted me a lot when I ignored him one night. Said I was a mess and that he hated me and he cant believe he put up with my 'sh*t' for a year. That hurt. Why would he (esentially the dumper) have so much anger for me if I was nothing romantic anymore?

 

We both go to the same university and have the same friends. Constantly hearing about him isnt helping.

 

I want to do something for me. Everyone talked about how happy and fit he looked after we broke up. I long for people to be able to say the same about me. Where can I start?