Better Posted July 25, 2014 Posted July 25, 2014 I've been dating a woman of a different racial background from me for about two months. Things are going well and we seem to like each other. We've been intimate and spent several nights together. She's met some of my family and they loved her. Her parents are now here from overseas and plan to stay through the end of the year. Since then, we haven't seen each other for over a week though we talk every day. We're both in our forties and she's never introduced anyone she has dated to her parents or her siblings, which seems strange to me. She's keeping the fact that she is even dating me hidden from them completely. Her parents are unlikely to approve of her dating me since we are not of the same race. How should I handle this? I'd like to continue dating her, but I feel very uncomfortable with the frequency that is likely to continue while her parents are here for the next five months. I feel even more uncomfortable that she is in her forties and won't even mention to them that she is dating someone. While I respect my parents' opinions, I don't live my life based on them so I am having a very hard time understanding why she is so bound up in this. What would you do if you were in this situation?
Winterina Posted July 25, 2014 Posted July 25, 2014 Talk to her openly. Ask her to make decision. She cannot hide you forever and you cannot invest any more emotionally into a relationship where your existence is not going to be acknowledged. If she loves you and cares enough for you, her decision is going to be easy one even if she has to confront her parents. 1
CK1dad Posted July 25, 2014 Posted July 25, 2014 I went throught this exact situation a couple of years ago. I am your age as well. I will say it did not turn out very well. She wasn't even quite as bad as the woman you are dating. Her parents knew about me but where continuously at her and fighting with her about it. What occured for me is she was just incapable or unwilling to stand up to them which just left a hole between us and I broke up with her. Less than 1 year later she married someone from her culture and all is well. I mean your signifigant other is she going to be able to stand up for you? You have to ask yourself and her that question. 2
acrosstheuniverse Posted July 25, 2014 Posted July 25, 2014 If she's not willing or ready to tell her parents about you in the near future then you have no future. I mean, assumedly if things go well then you'd like the relationship to progress wouldn't you? How would you ever move in, get married, have kids? I'm sorry to say but I think if she was serious about you then she'd be making plans to break it to her parents. If she isn't willing to do that and you have to sneak around then there's no future. Also it'd be a little weird and offputting to me if a partner in their forties didn't have the balls to stand up to their parents' outdated attitudes, it's not like she's 18 and testing the waters, she's in her forties. 1
iiiii Posted July 25, 2014 Posted July 25, 2014 Would she be prepared for her parents to meet you if you were engaged or married to her? If not, I'd say you have no future. But possibly the problem is not just that you're a different race, but that she comes from a culture where dating (or sex before marriage) is just not OK.
d0nnivain Posted July 25, 2014 Posted July 25, 2014 At 40 if she hadn't cut the apron strings & has never introduced somebody to her parents this will be an uphill battle. Can you offer to take everyone out to dinner? She's probably going to need at least a month to even consider introducing you to her parents. Considering you have only been dating for two months she may not be emotionally ready to change a life long pattern. How patient are you willing to be?
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