losingfaith2014 Posted July 24, 2014 Posted July 24, 2014 I have a question for the other women. I need their insight on this. We met five years ago. They started talking on messenger..I caught them..we all stopped being friend. Two years later I find out they had a full blown affair. He was going to leave me for her but changed his mind. he ended it begged he loved me..she was nothing to him. Few months later she told me he was talking to her again. Just talking. He begged pleaded again. I forgave him. Then three months later I find out they are seeing eachother again...this time he told her he loved her. HE had never said that to her before. He begged her to leave her hubby. She was going to and then he got scared told her he lied he didn't love her he loved me:) She told. He begged and begged. I forgave him and gave him another change. Four months later shes blowing up my computer again....this time they had a three month long affair. He once again asked her to be with him..LIVE WITH HIM IN MY HOUSE. She forgave him and was planning how to form a life with him. Then of course he saw the light and realized she was a mistake and told her he couldn't..she told....we fought. I believed him forgave him. Things were amazing until about four months she text my cell. They had been talking again.............He begged me and begged me. I took him back of course. I believe he thinks she is a meaningless mistake and doesn't love her or care about her. In fact this last DDAy he had me forward her a text stating she was nasty and he would never want someone like her.He was using her for someone to confide in. I will give her credit once she read that she stopped talking didn't fight with me...has never bugged him since. Which is rare!!! HAHA to her. Anyway, I need some insight. In your experience is their affair over? Do you think he is lying about his feelings for her?
Goodbye Posted July 24, 2014 Posted July 24, 2014 Who knows if it is over? Can you really ever trust this guy again? Do you really NEED to stay with him? 4
randomwoman Posted July 24, 2014 Posted July 24, 2014 I have a question for the other women. I need their insight on this. We met five years ago. They started talking on messenger..I caught them..we all stopped being friend. Two years later I find out they had a full blown affair. He was going to leave me for her but changed his mind. he ended it begged he loved me..she was nothing to him. Few months later she told me he was talking to her again. Just talking. He begged pleaded again. I forgave him. Then three months later I find out they are seeing eachother again...this time he told her he loved her. HE had never said that to her before. He begged her to leave her hubby. She was going to and then he got scared told her he lied he didn't love her he loved me:) She told. He begged and begged. I forgave him and gave him another change. Four months later shes blowing up my computer again....this time they had a three month long affair. He once again asked her to be with him..LIVE WITH HIM IN MY HOUSE. She forgave him and was planning how to form a life with him. Then of course he saw the light and realized she was a mistake and told her he couldn't..she told....we fought. I believed him forgave him. Things were amazing until about four months she text my cell. They had been talking again.............He begged me and begged me. I took him back of course. I believe he thinks she is a meaningless mistake and doesn't love her or care about her. In fact this last DDAy he had me forward her a text stating she was nasty and he would never want someone like her.He was using her for someone to confide in. I will give her credit once she read that she stopped talking didn't fight with me...has never bugged him since. Which is rare!!! HAHA to her. Anyway, I need some insight. In your experience is their affair over? Do you think he is lying about his feelings for her? I don't know how you can trust him at all. You should just assume he's having an affair at all times. They seem to have a toxic and addicting relationship which is why they've gone back and forth so many times. Doesn't his story get old after the first few times? You deserve better. 3
mustangboss Posted July 24, 2014 Posted July 24, 2014 If there are no children involved, get the heck out of this relationship. You deserve better. 5
littlemermaid Posted July 24, 2014 Posted July 24, 2014 WHy on earth do you keep fighting with him, forgiving him and taking him back? Only for him to run back to her once again? Honestly, either accept the fact that he's going to keep cheating on you, either with her or someone else and stop fighting with him about it, because what is the point? or kick him to the curb so you can be with someone who respects you and truly loves you. He has NO REASON WHATSOEVER to ever stop cheating...you forgive him every time. 3
darkmoon Posted July 24, 2014 Posted July 24, 2014 (edited) i think when men say they love some1 they do mean it at the time they say it, blurted out she's nasty, ok scary, injunction time, if he objects to this, no buts or ifs, then he must go, it is a test in a way see how he responds if he says okay to injunction, you will get your dignity, if not, do not waste time, i think he got to know her better and better over time and saw nastiness, she could get vengeful to you it is summer buy a new top and eyeshadow, hang out in the park, smile, get somebody nicer... my summer way of fun flirting, fun is what you need, we all do, you are only human, the innocent party Edited July 24, 2014 by darkmoon
bentleychic Posted July 24, 2014 Posted July 24, 2014 You are the one that has to decide in your heart if you believe that their affair is over and if he's lying. It sounds like he's lied plenty of times so I'd have a hard time trusting anything that he said. 1
Patna Posted July 24, 2014 Posted July 24, 2014 From my experience, MM will not say "I love you" unless they really mean it. Most OW are the ones who MM will keep by the side as an option in case the marriage fails, but for your situation, it seems you are the one who's being lead on as an option in case the OW doesn't want to leave with him. If the OW change her mind in future, he may just leave you. And you never know when she will eventually give in. He's addicted to her, love her, and probably these feelings outweigh whatever history you shared and hold on to.
goodyblue Posted July 25, 2014 Posted July 25, 2014 Here's the thing: There are millions of people out there that will not treat you with such disrespect! There are nice guys out there, people who want to be in a committed relationship who love the person they are with. My opinion of this guy is simply that he is a cake eater and will say and do anything to keep you both on a string, and quiet. "Oh yes, wifey, I LOVE YOU! I'm sorry". Then, instead of getting rid of OW he says "Oh, OW, I LOVE YOU! Please wait for me, my wife is crazy and I don't dare leave, she threatened to hurt herself, I won't see the kids" etc. et al. You do not deserve this. I can see trying to work things out if there is an indiscretion, but this? This dude doesn't care about anyone but himself. And please, DO NOT stay for your children. He will be teaching them to have NO respect for women. Or anyone else for that matter. Be strong, do it for yourself. You deserve happiness in your life. Chin up and good luck. 1
BrokenPrincess Posted July 25, 2014 Posted July 25, 2014 If I counted correctly, you've found out about him cheating with the same woman FIVE times in the five years you've been with him? Obviously he doesn't think she's that nasty, but that's besides the point. Does it really matter if he's lying about his feelings since he's obviously been lying about the affair five times already? I would recommend getting out of this toxic cycle asap so you can try to find a real partner who loves & respects you. 2
chelsea2011 Posted July 25, 2014 Posted July 25, 2014 It's not a matter of what he will do, it's a matter of what you want. You can put it n her and say she is nasty and take him back but is that what will make you happy? Forget them...what do you want?
veryhappy Posted July 25, 2014 Posted July 25, 2014 Insight from the other woman: your husband is a troubled, cheating, lying, manipulating both sides piece of human being. He has no reason to change his behavior as beginning and pleading has already saved him five times. You never threw him out, and he never stopped the affair. He always lied to you about it though. You are desperate to believe him and believe the things he is saying. You can't see that the man calling the ow nasty who knows what choice of words he had about you? You believe that your problem is the ow. She's not. She hopefully realized she was loving him for who he isn't and has enough willpower to tell him to eff off when he'll go back for another episode. Your problems are bigger than you think. Throw him out, send him to ic and good luck.
jackslife Posted July 25, 2014 Posted July 25, 2014 Is this the marriage you want? There is another similar thread on this forum and I think the comments I made on there are as apt with respect to your situation: "It is interesting is how many second chances your H is getting from you. Once you caught him and he ended the affair that should have been it. It is a simple her or me situation. In most (but not all) cases the man leaves the OW and tries to rebuild life with his wife. But your H is still in full affair mode after DDay, having his cake and eating it. Best thing you could do is pack his suitcase, change the locks and contact a divorce lawyer. You've given him enough chances and his behaviour won't change until you force him to pick." I'm sorry for repeating myself, but my advice I think is just as relevant. 1
MatchStick Posted July 25, 2014 Posted July 25, 2014 In your experience is their affair over? Do you think he is lying about his feelings for her? ------ After all this crazy-making? Who cares if he loves her or not? He likes something because he will NOT walk away from her!! And he doesn't mind keeping you on tap either! Walk ......er,no................run away! He'll be doing the same with her and someone else soon enough!!
Star2880 Posted July 27, 2014 Posted July 27, 2014 (edited) I have a question for the other women. I need their insight on this. We met five years ago. They started talking on messenger..I caught them..we all stopped being friend. Two years later I find out they had a full blown affair. He was going to leave me for her but changed his mind. he ended it begged he loved me..she was nothing to him. Few months later she told me he was talking to her again. Just talking. He begged pleaded again. I forgave him. Then three months later I find out they are seeing eachother again...this time he told her he loved her. HE had never said that to her before. He begged her to leave her hubby. She was going to and then he got scared told her he lied he didn't love her he loved me:) She told. He begged and begged. I forgave him and gave him another change. Four months later shes blowing up my computer again....this time they had a three month long affair. He once again asked her to be with him..LIVE WITH HIM IN MY HOUSE. She forgave him and was planning how to form a life with him. Then of course he saw the light and realized she was a mistake and told her he couldn't..she told....we fought. I believed him forgave him. Things were amazing until about four months she text my cell. They had been talking again.............He begged me and begged me. I took him back of course. I believe he thinks she is a meaningless mistake and doesn't love her or care about her. In fact this last DDAy he had me forward her a text stating she was nasty and he would never want someone like her.He was using her for someone to confide in. I will give her credit once she read that she stopped talking didn't fight with me...has never bugged him since. Which is rare!!! HAHA to her. Anyway, I need some insight. In your experience is their affair over? Do you think he is lying about his feelings for her? I have read both your threads on the affair and it seems like both you and your H are playing a game! He is playing a game with you and the OW... Who wants him the most!!! I will let them fight it out! Pathetic child of a man! He is gaslighting both of you! You need to stop playing the game! There is no winner with a man like this! He wants both and even though you have had multiple DDays he doesn't care and would rather carry on and hurt you more! I think he will either carry on with the OW but gaslight you to keep you happy and unaware. Or will sadly move onto another that you don't know about and that doesn't constantly want to play an emotional game with you. She is trying to make you hate him by saying things and sending things, so she can have him all to herself! But he is allowing all this to happen. ( my dad's OW did this to our whole family - horrible games) Edited July 27, 2014 by Star2880 Spelling
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