ughmeagain Posted July 24, 2014 Posted July 24, 2014 Hi all, First, thanks for taking the time to read this. I'm in a real struggle now and feel I have exhausted my friends and family. After reading a few posts you guys are akin to real professionals. Here's my story. LTR (2 years) with a girl who was insecure and immature. For example, she accused me of checking out other girls, would get mad if I said a celebrity was cute, hated the fact that I worked with women, etc. It got to the point where I would think about ending it and not wanting to put up with her crap. I even envisioned myself in other relationships. She always felt I was hiding something when I never was. We first broke up in December, I was the dumper. We remained in LC and eventually got back together in February. In May, there was a pretty big argument that never got resolved and she ended things in June. She ended things because of incompatibility issues (not resolving conflicts) which I know is a big one. When it was over we remained friends on FB, and instagram. She called me a week later to check-in and sounded upset. Then she contacted me 2 weeks later and seemed a bit better. During that second call I told her I wanted to be friends but couldn't now because I was emotionally attached. After the second check-in I noticed some posts on social media that I feel were intended to make me angry. So I blocked her from all. After a week or so I realized how serious she would take this (immaturity) and didn't want to totally burn a bridge so I took off the blocks but remained unfriended. I've done a pretty decent job of not checking her pages. It's been 3 weeks today since that last contact from her. I have initiated zero contact. I found out recently through a friend that she's on a dating site. That wrecked me. My dilemma is that for some reason I want her to know that I blocked her from all that stuff for me. What do you guys think about sending an email explaining this? I believe the way I did it sent a mixed signal and she feels bitter towards me about it. The bottom line is that she's younger than me and I kind of understand why she acts the way she does. I believe that with a few more years under her belt she may be the perfect match for me. I know I can't be friends now, but I want to leave things open for the possibility of a future. I feel like I want to send her an email explaining why I did what I did and it wasn't a reflection on us, it was to help me heal. Do you guys think this will set me back? Should I just leave it as is? I just wish I deactivated facebook. Thanks for all of your help and let me know of any questions.
erklat Posted July 24, 2014 Posted July 24, 2014 No explaining. Just dissappear. By the time that 'future' comes, she will be a distant memory. One you will be unfazed by. 1
Omei Posted July 24, 2014 Posted July 24, 2014 Stay no contact, also request to your friends that you do not wish to hear updates about her life that will hinder your healing. You're only looking for a reason to speak to her you dont need to tell her anything but stay NC.
Elle1975 Posted July 24, 2014 Posted July 24, 2014 Your silence will send the best message. Contact her and you will sound desperate.
hoping2heal Posted July 24, 2014 Posted July 24, 2014 You have no idea of knowing what she will be like in a few years, none. I know adults in their mid- late 20's and 30's who still play the same mind games and behave in the same petty manner as they did in high school. Growing older in age does not mean a person automatically transforms with maturity, sensitivity, and wisdom. You hope that age will transform her but you do not know that it will or what those true transformations will end up being. Sending her an e-mail is your way of trying to find an "in" and there doesn't need to be one. Who knows who she might be years down the road, years down the road is literally years away and the only thing you are guaranteed is the minute you're living in. You can certainly contact and explain and get yourself hurt all the more but I wouldn't recommend it. She's moving on with her life and you can't stop her or hold her back with an e-mail. It's unrealistic and you need to part with that line of thinking.
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