fortyninethousand322 Posted July 25, 2014 Posted July 25, 2014 What is your experience? I get a response rate to my messages of about 5%. Almost all the women who respond stop responding after about 2 messages exchanged. Doesn't matter if the messages were all in the same day, or spread out over a few days. I've met up with a total of three women. One met with me a second time, but after accepting a third date, canceled on me and then disappeared. The other two met up for coffee and never again. I have been on multiple dating sites and dating apps since 2010. Results are consistent across the board. 1
Kid_Charlemange Posted July 25, 2014 Posted July 25, 2014 I was on match, but not for very long. Something about the POF interface just bugs me. So I've been doing OKC for most of this year. Male, 51+ No kids Slightly overweight, bald and very unattractive (rated 1.6 stars on OKC) Probably initiated 90% of the conversations. Profile has been shut down, but I was getting about 30 visitors a week. A good half of my messages were never read, as the women I was emailing were (apparently) paid members who were filtering out messages from guys under three stars. I've dated 13 women this year, eight that I met on OKC (three from match, two not from OLD at all) 1 date - 4x 2 dates - 3x 3 dates or more - 6x One has become a FWB. I'm still seeing two others, although I suspect one of them is about to friendzone me. The last one, well we have our first "overnight" date scheduled for this weekend. I could see this turning into a relationship. Actually I could have seen that with two others, one who is about to friendzone me, and another who did. Funnel: Probably sent out 200+ messages Go responses from ~40 Met 13 in person Intimate with 5 (soon to be 6 LTR potential with 3 Currently considering LTR with 1 I can live with that ratio. In fact, two of them -- the FWB and another one I dated 5-6 times -- have become good friends and will continue to be so for years, I'm pretty sure, regardless of what happens in any future relationships with others. In short, OLD was worked quite well for me. I'm not great at meeting people in person, and since I'm very unattractive, I have a much better shot at impressing someone with my profile and writing than when meeting them in person. 1
Author isisisweeping Posted July 26, 2014 Author Posted July 26, 2014 The okcupid match percentage algorithm is based on almost nothing. Do not use it as a filter, as it does not show any useful info. Is this not accurate? https://www.okcupid.com/help/match-percentages I guess it's coincidental, then, but I've been much more pleased with my messages from high match percentages, and our subsequent conversation. I didn't pay much attention at first but again, it was a very strong correspondence that caused me to enact the filter.
Author isisisweeping Posted July 26, 2014 Author Posted July 26, 2014 (rated 1.6 stars on OKC) . How do you know that? I'm morbidly curious! I have suspicions since it says that 2/3 of the messages from men go to the top 1/3 of women in attractiveness and I am not getting 2/3 of the messages, but still curious.
Kid_Charlemange Posted July 26, 2014 Posted July 26, 2014 How do you know that? There's a way to tweak the OKC API to figure out where you are. Google "okcupid attractiveness star find out" or something like that and you'll find a bazillion posts about how to check it out. You have to be A-list, however. If you're not, get a friend who is to check for you. I knew I was low on that totem pole, but to see the hard numbers was a bit of a shock -- I'm a little above a 3 on a scale of ten. Ah well. Hasn't really hurt me that much in the long run. It keeps a certain number of women from even knowing I exist, but after that, it's up to me to be funny, clever, charming, attentive, etc... fortunately, I'm all those things
RonaldS Posted July 26, 2014 Posted July 26, 2014 Male, 40. Divorced, 3 kids. Did OKC for a few months about 4 years ago. Met some girls, hated the format, stopped. Can't remember how many girls I met...several. Started Tinder last fall. Not sure how many girls I've met. A lot. I'm not trying to have some big relationship, so I usually see them a few times or so. I don't message any women....if they message me, and there's a compelling reason to talk to them, then we'll chat/meet. I do that to keep myself out of trouble. If I start messaging other women, it's going to get more out of control than it already is. I like Tinder. It's a more natural transaction. You don't already know everything about them, they don't already know everything about you. It's much more fun.
Author isisisweeping Posted July 26, 2014 Author Posted July 26, 2014 There's a way to tweak the OKC API to figure out where you are. Google "okcupid attractiveness star find out" or something like that and you'll find a bazillion posts about how to check it out. You have to be A-list, however. If you're not, get a friend who is to check for you. I knew I was low on that totem pole, but to see the hard numbers was a bit of a shock -- I'm a little above a 3 on a scale of ten. Ah well. Hasn't really hurt me that much in the long run. It keeps a certain number of women from even knowing I exist, but after that, it's up to me to be funny, clever, charming, attentive, etc... fortunately, I'm all those things It looks like they closed one loophole. Though I just filtered 3+, 4+, and 5+ in search for both men and women and they don't make ANY sense to me in a conventional or personal preference sense, if that makes you feel any better.
D-Lish Posted July 28, 2014 Posted July 28, 2014 Female, 39. I was giving up on OLD and about to give up a few months ago. I'd received thousands of messages and rarely replied because the interest wasn't there. I did have some dates, but rarely did I want to go out with them again. I decided to take my profile down because I was going through a hard time with my eyes constantly swelling up- so I didn't feel confident about my looks and didn't feel like it was a good time for me to be thinking about dating when I was battling a health issue. As I was about to delete my profile I got a message from a guy that really interested me. We chatted through the site for a couple of days and he said he was deleting his profile but wanted to exchange numbers. I deleted mine as well. I couldn't meet him because my eyes were so badly swollen- so we text chatted daily for two months. We talked ALL the time and really got to know one another. When we finally did meet, the fireworks went off for both of us, and as crazy as it sounds we pretty much fell head over heels for one another right away. So there you go- I was pretty much giving up on OLD when I met then fell for a really awesome guy.
Kid_Charlemange Posted July 28, 2014 Posted July 28, 2014 Though I just filtered 3+, 4+, and 5+ in search for both men and women and they don't make ANY sense to me in a conventional or personal preference sense, if that makes you feel any better. Like I said, I'm not worried about it. I know I'm ugly. It doesn't matter to a lot of women, so it's not really a factor. That said, I noticed the same thing on OKC -- I don't know how big their sampling set is for the attractiveness scale, but I saw some people of both sexes that I never would have rated for five stars on looks. I did notice one factoid, however: If the woman checks the looking for "casual sex" box, she is pretty much always 5-stars. Doesn't matter what she looks like. Go figure The other way to check to see if you're 3+ stars is to get a friend who's A-list to do a search on your handle name in the open text box, and then filter by 3, 4, and 5 stars and see when (if) you drop off the search. A little easier than the API thing, but it doesn't help you finding out where you are if you're under 3-stars, like me.
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