titicaka21 Posted February 23, 2005 Posted February 23, 2005 I need to get this off my chest. I need to talk about this. I guess I will just lay it out. My gf and I dated for about a year and a half. When we met she was living with her crazy mother. Her mother almost killed her. However I stuck it out and convinced her to move into her fathers house. Not many people would do that at the age of 21. She was 19. She moved in with her father who is gay and lives with another man. I tell her she is beautiful all the time, do alot of things for her. She has an issue with trust. I dont do anything wrong when im out with my friends. She thinks I am out to replace her which I never was. Then last weekend we went to the SB, my dad and I got tickets, my best friends and her didnt have them. They went to a bar and she was drinking and flashing guys. I found this out a week later and confronted her about it. She was embarrased and didnt wanna talk about it. So my friends decided to take me out that night when I confronted her. We were going to go to HOOTERS! nothing wrong with hooters, but it was closed. She found out we were going to go there and she broke it off that monday. Later that night she was sorry and didnt wanna be alone. I told her I needed some time because my feelings dont deserve to be on a roller coaster. She pleeded all week "this is the last heartbreak you will ever have" Then thursday I went to see her, I Was still very hurt. However I brought her flowers to let her know I will always be there for her no matter what. The next night when things I thought were just starting to turn around she tells me she is going to a club with her friend. Normally I wouldnt have a problem with it, but what happened at the Super Bowl I told her I didnt feel comfortable at that point. So we had a bad fight that night, and all the sudden I was the bad guy not letting her see her friends. Then saturday night she tells me she is going out with her "friends" turns out she really was going out with another guy! She then dumps me and starts getting mushy with this other guy, and sleeps with him. Her reasoning is "sex was just sex" well now she is just having random sex. She told me I didnt do enough, when I was over there all the time holding her. I admit im a guy and showing alot of emotions is hard, but I did my best. I knew none of this was problem until today. I know I cant get back with her because of how cold and heartless she has become. How long can this last with this other guy.....is it just convience sex....can it last? I need help on how to cope with this, should I ever give her a second chance. She is acting like now I was so horrible to her. We had our issues, but they werent as bad as she is making them out to be. What do i do?
Nick14 Posted February 23, 2005 Posted February 23, 2005 Random Sex, I am sorry buddy, drop her like a bad habit. She is difently not worth it and your time. Move on, Run titi, RUN!
HotCaliGirl Posted February 23, 2005 Posted February 23, 2005 You have to move on. It will be nothing but problems if she ever decides to get back together with you, which would probably be for nothing more than some random sex and some company for when she is alone. If you don't want to get hurt over and over again and be with someone who sleeps around with men she doesn't even know, then don't even think about her anymore and who cares how long one of her flings will last, she might have others going on at the same time. She already lied to you saying that it would've been the last time she hurt you. She didn't think twice before she hurt you and is making it seem like it's your fault and you're falling for it. She sounds selfish, slutty and manipulative - yuck.
Author titicaka21 Posted February 23, 2005 Author Posted February 23, 2005 hey reply is, "We need to just move on". I think inside she cares, but why would she go find someone else right away? How can someone have it in their heart to tell you they wanna spend the rest of their lives with you one day and the next week be sleeping with someone else. Her attitude is "I really like this new guy"....personally I think he is praying on her....because she hurts....It feels like it is never good enough. HOW CAN SOMEONE DO THIS?
d'Arthez Posted February 23, 2005 Posted February 23, 2005 Can be a lot of different reasons, and most probably her reasons and underlying motivations to her behavior don't have anything to do with you. Strange as it sounds, the two of you have broken up, and know you will never be together again. Why do you need an exact underlying motivation to her behavior? It is her problem, not yours. And by gaining knowledge in this respect you are only going to torment yourself. Sometimes it is best that we don't get the answers. There is a lot of senseless suffering in the world, and at a moment you feel extremely vulnerable you must not torture yourself for some answers. Because of the emotional investment you made everything is still fresh. You would only prolong the pains and agony. If you ever want to think about it, you'd better do that in a happier future. For example on the morning you are going to a jewelry store, to buy a ring and propose for your future-wife. Just a flash: "She was scr*wed up. I feel a bit sorry for her ... But now with regards to the future Mrs. titicaka21 what kind of ring would she prefer."
Author titicaka21 Posted February 23, 2005 Author Posted February 23, 2005 She would get me heated and I would call her names because she was constantly accusing me of doing the wrong things and actually believing it. When someone pushes you to the edge your going to push back. I know I shouldnt beat my head in about it. She will probably get kicked to the curb by mr newbie sooner then later, but then again its not my problem. I know I love her, but yes mrs titicaka21 in the future will get a wonderful ring, and but it will fail in comparison to how beautiful she is...that really pumped me up!
d'Arthez Posted February 23, 2005 Posted February 23, 2005 That's only what you believe now. Your ex may be beautiful. Without a doubt you believe she is beautiful. You must forget her, and try to spend as little thoughts about her, as possible. In that way you will heal the quickest. Don't forget that you are not the cause of her current behavior. Good luck healing
Author titicaka21 Posted February 23, 2005 Author Posted February 23, 2005 I know its easier said then done. Is there anything that can aid that. All my friends have my back. They are here for me, they want me. Now she tells me she doesnt regret at all what she did, I think she is angry because I canceled her cell phone and didnt tell her (it was in my name). I made plans for her to meet up with me and move it into her name. She canceled because her new bf is more important. So today I knew I had to do it, just get it over with...is medication an option? I dont know how to sleep or feel
d'Arthez Posted February 23, 2005 Posted February 23, 2005 I know it is easier said than done, to move on. The break up is still fresh, and you can't think of anything but her. That is quite normal, and it is also quite normal you lose your sleep and appetite because of the break up. And even temporary loss of feelings. The first few days and weeks will be the hardest. If the loss of appetite and loss of sleep last (or any other symptoms), it is a good idea to see your qualified doctor (GP). For medication it is always important to see a qualified doctor. Spend a lot of times with your friends and don't give her any attention. Do the things you always like to do, and she hated. Have a laugh and enjoy yourself as much as possible. You will overcome this. Don't value her words. You're the one who is reasonable here, not her. She is deluding herself, and does not want to admit it. I am sorry that she is so hurtful to you. Right now you feel as if she were the same rational girl you fell in love with. She has changed herself for the worse. Good thing that you have canceled her cell-phone. If she wants one, she better pay for it herself.
Author titicaka21 Posted February 23, 2005 Author Posted February 23, 2005 So are you with me that she is trying to make me feel like the bad guy to justify what she is doing now. Most of these flings dont last that long, and the person get hurts by it who is trying to cover up their feelings. I think sometime sooner then later she will be like "i made a huge mistake, and I am sorry" and then I need to say "thank you, but we are clearly over. You broke my heart, so you can never have it again".....am I on the right track of thinking?
d'Arthez Posted February 23, 2005 Posted February 23, 2005 Yes. She is f*cking her life up, and she does not want to blame it on herself. Hence you are the logical target for her excuses. The lines she uses can be hurtful, but as long as you don't lose the grasp of the situation, you know you don't have to value her words at all. Sorry this happened to you
Author titicaka21 Posted February 23, 2005 Author Posted February 23, 2005 Honestly how can someone do something so heartless?
d'Arthez Posted February 23, 2005 Posted February 23, 2005 You will find out in due time, but every answer you get, gives you new questions. And every answer will hurt you, so beware of what you ask. I can understand your need for closure, but you can only find it in yourself. I would try not to think too much about her. You would prolong your misery, and the fact is, that you can't change her. Especially now you have broken up and she has had random sex. Try looking at the positives in your life. Even if they seem meaningless at the moment, there will be tons of positives. Given your age, you'd probably still be in school / university. Your friends, who are there for you. Don't go out to get drunk et cetera, but to have a good time. Right now you probably feel like a sad excuse for a man. You are not. But it takes a bit of healing of yourself, and the regaining of confidence to see that. Other girls will be interested in you, and probably a lot of them can't even imagine themselves that they could be treating you so badly. Sure you will have made a few mistakes. Who does not in a relationship? Throughout the grieving phases, you'll be wondering if you were too controling or too lax. Too nice, or too jerky. Et cetera. You might be thinking of what you might have done wrong, but you'll never know. You can't honestly speak with her, because she needs to hurt you to justify what she is doing. Even if you were Cupido, she will say that her grandfather of say 95, has been more romantic. But that does not mean you can't learn from this relationship. You will, and slowly you will gain an understanding of everything that went on in this relationship. And learn from your mistakes. Bottom line: you'll be fine.
whichwayisup Posted February 23, 2005 Posted February 23, 2005 She has real problems and is messed up. Her Mom tried to kill her. Her mom is crazy. She has probably had a messed up childhood and you say she has trust issues. Look at her behaviour, what she is doing and how she is acting is just not normal. She needs some professional help and my suggestion is try to tell her she needs it because it's only going to get worse. I would not date this girl anymore, even if she tries to make it up to you...She WILL break your heart again. Not on purpose or malciously, but because she can't help it. She can't even control herself and what she does! I'm sure she is really miserable inside as well. All the best and keep on posting!
Author titicaka21 Posted February 23, 2005 Author Posted February 23, 2005 Thank all of you guys. She was taking St Johns wort to make her feel better. its an erb to make you feel better. The recommended dosage is 3 per day, she takes 3 in one dose. Because that makes her "feel good". She also takes a lot of diet pills. I was her life, now she is going to make mr sex buddy her life, and be there everyday, thats why I keep hitting that up, because I need to be strong when she gets hurt and tries to come back to me....she does need help, but instead of taking that avenue she took this one, and now she needs to live with her decision. Someone who one day loves you with all their heart, and the next day wants to break up because your telling her she shouldnt question you I guess isnt the ideal person I want to be with. Keep the thoughts coming, your really helping me out!
milane Posted February 23, 2005 Posted February 23, 2005 I'm sure her mom has a lot to do with the development of her "issues". She seems to have a lot of insecurities about herself. A lot of her actions (minus the sleeping with another guy part) sounds a lot like how I was with my very first boyfriend. I was insecure and always needed him to tell me how beautiful I was and to reassure me that many guys thought I was beautiful. I didn't like him going to hooters or complementing other girls because to me I felt like he didn't like me or I wasn't good enough. So, I sort of can relate to why the girl is acting the way she is. I think you need to step back from this relationship and let her grow. Let her experience life without you there. It may be really hard for you but it just seems like that's what she needs. She needs to mature a bit so she will realize he still cares even though he's not paying attention to her 24-7.
Author titicaka21 Posted February 23, 2005 Author Posted February 23, 2005 She is going to have to get hurt by someone else to realize how good our relationship really is. Like i said just last week we took a break and she wanted me at all costs, I still have the emails to prove it. If anyone wants me to post! maybe that can help you out to get into her mind.....ay yi yi i dont know!
NiCoLe20 Posted February 23, 2005 Posted February 23, 2005 hey bro ive been in ur situation before. towards the end of my last relationship, i realized my x was changing... his attitude changed towards me, he got into trouble, he lost his job, ect... thats when i realized something's goin on that i dont know about. i found out he was talking to this girl, and the reason he was being nasty to me was to get rid of me i guess. well it worked, as soon as i broke up with him, they hooked up & had sex. i guess it made him feel good b/c he hooked up wit someone so soon. to me, it just made him look dirty and grimey. i dont know what it proved, but, i know i wont go back to him again. if he did this once to me, he'll do it again. i wouldnt take him back either. i deserve better than that. i gave my all to him and he took advantageof that. but i believe- '' what goes around, comes around '' and that was proved to me. once him and that new chick were messing around, about 2 weeks later she met someone elseand did the same thing to him that he did to me. im sure he was pretty pissed & realized thats what he did to me... so dont worry bout ur x girl, she'll get hers sooner or later... she might fall hard for some guy and he might cheat on her... she deserves it so until something happens, lol, hang in there. theres a lot of girls around, it shouldnt be too long before you run into someone new. just let that girl come to you, dont go out looking for her!! good luck
Author titicaka21 Posted February 24, 2005 Author Posted February 24, 2005 Did he try to come back to you? Did you let him back in at all??? I wont let her back in....I cannot allow her to cause me pain....im not just questioning the last few days im questioning everything she said in the relationship...
d'Arthez Posted February 24, 2005 Posted February 24, 2005 There is no need to question everything she said in your relationship. If she were lying from the start, you would not have lasted so long, and she could not have been spontaneous et cetera. Your relationship was real. The things you shared were real. However since the break-up you discovered the foundation was not solid on her part at least. She is lying about what it meant to her, to justify herself to herself. She cannot run away from herself, because if other people would respond in kind to her, she would feel very much hurt and abused. Possibly Mr. Sex Buddy will do this to her, and when he will eventually leave her (it is a recipe for disaster to stay together for the both of them), only then will she be in a position to see what she has lost, and what she has done. Only when she realizes bits of that, she might return to you. Probably totally unhealed, and unaware of the intense pain she caused you. Of course you are right, to never have her in your life as a relationship again.
Author titicaka21 Posted February 24, 2005 Author Posted February 24, 2005 The most gratifying thing that could happen right now is for her get hurt, call me and be sorry. And look right in her eye and tell her she ruined everything she worked for over the last year and a half....that would make this much easier to cope with. She emailed me at work and said "being that this is the last time I will talk to you", and I was like surrrre.....I found out why she was so mad when i shut the phone off, she was trying to text her new man and couldnt
Nubianangel Posted February 24, 2005 Posted February 24, 2005 titicaka21, I can relate, not to your story but to your exes behavior with one exception, my ex and I weren't exactly together. Let me explain, we had been together all of 6 months. In December, after a nasty argument, he decided he needed space but still wanted me in his life. Ya know, sort of we're an item without the "relationship" title. We shared, we spent time together, we had sex, we were still pretty much exclusive until one particularly nasty fight. He told me he was done and wanted NOTHING to do with me, so the following night I ran into an ex and ended up sleeping with him. Well, you can guess what happened next. The I-don't-want-you-anymore ex calls to make up. I tell him I'd love to but I have to be honest about what I did. He flips and now we're completely through! We've had NC for almost 2 months now, he tells mutual friends I hurt him too much and I couldn't possibly have loved him. I have to say I agree, maybe I never really loved him, though I felt I was IN LOVE WITH HIM AT THE TIME, if I could replace him so quickly. I can't really explain WHY I did what I did but I can tell you how I felt--angry, vulnerable, vengeful. Not sure if your ex felt this way but I guess what I'm trying to say to you is it doesn't matter what she says, it's all in what she does and from her actions love seems to be last thing she feels for you. It's a hard pill to swallow, I know because I realized I was happy not with him per se but with knowing I had "someone" in my life. For you, it's the realization that maybe she never really loved you and you deserve so much more! Good luck!
NiCoLe20 Posted February 24, 2005 Posted February 24, 2005 about the ? you asked me before- no he hasnt come back yet. its been about 2 months so far. ive seen him around and the local pub with this girl and all he does is rub it in my face. he looks at me like he misses me but who knows, i could care less. i know i look better than her, have a better personality, and did things for him that she couldnt. i know in my heart i was good to him and he'll realize that one day i hope. even if he doesnt, its really no big deal to me. i have moved on, i found someone better and thats it. i dont regret becoming friends with him but i do regret becoming his girl. if we wouldve stayed friends i wouldnt of been hurt in the end you know. but thats life, you gotta live & learn. i know this is hard for you now, but give it a month or two and your feelings for her will eventually fade, especially when you go back and think of the sh-t she did to you. ignore her... dont answer her calls, texts, emails or anything. she'll get the point of what she did. even if she apologizes over & over again- please dont get back with her, she'll just do it again.
Author titicaka21 Posted February 25, 2005 Author Posted February 25, 2005 I spoke with her last night. I thought everything was fine in our relationship for the past few months. Apparently shes saying now that "i felt loved sometimes". I dont think it is fair to keep someone in the dark then blame them for everything. She drug me along till she found someone else to take my place. She did cheat on me before she broke up with me. She is so happy, this guy took her to meet his parents and she said its soo romantic. He emotionally the same as her, I think she is blinded because its so new. I dont want her back, but I dont see how you can just jump into something else. She slept with him on the 1st night, which tells me pretty much what i wanna know. I want it to blow up in her face, so i can know that she came back and i told her no thanks...i need that now
Numb Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 I know how you feel bro, I'm going threw the same thing except we where together for 3 years and she was seeing her new b/f for 8 months while we where together. When she was home she was so sweet and nice you would never know she was cheating, but I found out and she acts all happy with this new guy and talks about moving in together but is just a bitch to me. So I know how you feel its the worst ever to be cheated on and the ex all happy while you trying to figure out WTF just happened and are in shock, I hope the same thing bro that he screws her over so bad that she feels like I do now. But the sucky part is I may never even know it happens all I can do is hope Karma kicks her right in the balls. Just hang in there buddy, people say it gets better but I'm still waiting for that to happen.
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