StillHurtin Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 TG I didn't wait around for my stbmm to get a D (which he did) for him to come to me. If I would of waited I would of never met H and had two, beautiful children. Life is too short to wait around for someone to decide whether they want you or their spouse. I hope you don't let the right guy slip by ya b/c of this mm.
LadyRLD Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 Yes I was an OW to answer your question. But thank heavens, I am not any longer. Yes it's like you are praying to him. You are putting your life on hold for a mere man. A human being who lives and dies just like you. You are hoping for a miracle one that isn't even worth waiting for. I rahter have you waste your money trying to win the Lottery than waste your life trying to win a "man." But that's your choice. All I am saying is he's human and you are human. Don't let a "man" control your life. Can you just love him from a distance and find some other interests? I know you heard this all before. So you made your decision. Wait for him. Wait, Wait and Wait. Let all the wrinkles on your face develop and the gray hair on your head grow. Keep waiting. The next line he's going to give you after 15 years is.......he has to wait for his wife to pass away. Then you will be hanging on a thread for another 15 years. But he will die before her. So what you do have, a life that you gave to someone who just wanted to keep you on the side. Wow that's worth waiting for!!! Good luck.
GirlDown Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 what the hell does camilla have to do with any of this? absolutely nothing. what a weak debate. this is stupid.
Author CaughtUp Posted February 25, 2005 Author Posted February 25, 2005 I'm in the process of doing that very thing. He is very very very far away now and I can't pick up the phone or even drive to where he is and ask him it takes mail 2-3 weeks to get there then another 2-3 weeks to get back so communications is really slow.
Author CaughtUp Posted February 25, 2005 Author Posted February 25, 2005 PLEASE READ THE WHOLE THREAD!!
Author CaughtUp Posted February 25, 2005 Author Posted February 25, 2005 Originally posted by LadyRLD Yes I was an OW to answer your question. But thank heavens, I am not any longer. Yes it's like you are praying to him. You are putting your life on hold for a mere man. A human being who lives and dies just like you. You are hoping for a miracle one that isn't even worth waiting for. I rahter have you waste your money trying to win the Lottery than waste your life trying to win a "man." But that's your choice. All I am saying is he's human and you are human. Don't let a "man" control your life. Can you just love him from a distance and find some other interests? I know you heard this all before. So you made your decision. Wait for him. Wait, Wait and Wait. Let all the wrinkles on your face develop and the gray hair on your head grow. Keep waiting. The next line he's going to give you after 15 years is.......he has to wait for his wife to pass away. Then you will be hanging on a thread for another 15 years. But he will die before her. So what you do have, a life that you gave to someone who just wanted to keep you on the side. Wow that's worth waiting for!!! Good luck. DO YOU PEOPLE JUST JUMP IN AND START SAYING STUFF WITHOUT READING THE WHOLE THING!!?? I do have a life I do date I do have other interest. And apparently I'm aging better than you all are and even if I got old, wrinkled, and grey my beatuy is much deeper than that. And for the record he didn't ask me to wait 15 years OK you all are going to make me type it allllll out aren't you??!!??
Author CaughtUp Posted February 25, 2005 Author Posted February 25, 2005 Originally posted by GirlDown what the hell does camilla have to do with any of this? absolutely nothing. what a weak debate. this is stupid. One, I didn't come here to debate. I never once said hey someone come tell me why I'm so wrong and stupid and I'll prove to you why I'm so right and smart. Two, If this is stupid spend your time helping the Tsunami victims or something. Three, if after six years you don't think I already know something of the ups and downs of this situation then you are sadly mistaken, I joined this site to discuss my situation with people who understand where I am and who want to discuss how they feel now because I'm where they are I did not sign up to stand before the firing squad of self righteousness.
GirlDown Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 Originally posted by CaughtUp One, I didn't come here to debate. I never once said hey someone come tell me why I'm so wrong and stupid and I'll prove to you why I'm so right and smart. Two, If this is stupid spend your time helping the Tsunami victims or something. Three, if after six years you don't think I already know something of the ups and downs of this situation then you are sadly mistaken, I joined this site to discuss my situation with people who understand where I am and who want to discuss how they feel now because I'm where they are I did not sign up to stand before the firing squad of self righteousness. you asked for advice and got it. sorry you don't like the truth. but my last post had nothing to do with your situation. i asked what camilla had to do with it... you come here asking for advice on what should be an open and shut case and start spouting on about camilla and tsunami victims. it's ridiculous and makes no sense. you don't seem to know whether you're coming or going and i am bored with you. good-bye.
SummerRae Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 lol, caughtup, I can relate to you. I had thought of the same thing. At first I didn't know MM was married, fell for him hard, then even after I knew he had lied I was thinking, oh, I'll wait. But now, now, i see that as much as I loved him, and boy did I love him, it was NOT worth the wait. But that was me, that was my story. Every story is different and yes, I do see where you are coming from. You haven't met anyone who quite compares to him. You haven't had that pitter patter in your heart with any other for quite some time. You live and breath (to a certain human-natured extent) for the rays of sunshine he provides. You know the side he shows you. And how beautiful that side is. I recall the my exMM's wife telling me, "You only see the good things." Boy, was she right. I didn't see him go on the internet to look at porn, or him stealing suitcases from the airport or him treat his wife like utter dirt while she was pregnant by picking fights with her just so he could be with me. I didn't see any of it. But if I had, I can tell you right now, I would not be seeing the man I fell in love with. Which tells me that these men are capable of being completely different people around different people. Is that what I want? Is that what you want? How do you know if he was with you (and i know this question has been asked 1,000 times, but it's still worth repeating) how would you know that he wouldn't do that to you? I mean, obviously he loved his wife ENOUGH to marry her. But rather than get a divorce or really work things out, he just jumps ship when the going gets rough. Wow, now that's a man if I ever heard of one. Sorry, if I sound pis$y, I don't mean to, I'm just putting things in perspective, or trying to show that perhaps the side you see of him is only one side. And believe me, that side can be deceiving.
GirlDown Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 Originally posted by SummerRae lol, caughtup, I can relate to you. I had thought of the same thing. At first I didn't know MM was married, fell for him hard, then even after I knew he had lied I was thinking, oh, I'll wait. But now, now, i see that as much as I loved him, and boy did I love him, it was NOT worth the wait. But that was me, that was my story. Every story is different and yes, I do see where you are coming from. You haven't met anyone who quite compares to him. You haven't had that pitter patter in your heart with any other for quite some time. You live and breath (to a certain human-natured extent) for the rays of sunshine he provides. You know the side he shows you. And how beautiful that side is. I recall the my exMM's wife telling me, "You only see the good things." Boy, was she right. I didn't see him go on the internet to look at porn, or him stealing suitcases from the airport or him treat his wife like utter dirt while she was pregnant by picking fights with her just so he could be with me. I didn't see any of it. But if I had, I can tell you right now, I would not be seeing the man I fell in love with. Which tells me that these men are capable of being completely different people around different people. Is that what I want? Is that what you want? How do you know if he was with you (and i know this question has been asked 1,000 times, but it's still worth repeating) how would you know that he wouldn't do that to you? I mean, obviously he loved his wife ENOUGH to marry her. But rather than get a divorce or really work things out, he just jumps ship when the going gets rough. Wow, now that's a man if I ever heard of one. Sorry, if I sound pis$y, I don't mean to, I'm just putting things in perspective, or trying to show that perhaps the side you see of him is only one side. And believe me, that side can be deceiving. wow summer rae...now you are a chick with her head on her shoulders... i bet you could teach these people a thing or two. well-said.
Author CaughtUp Posted February 25, 2005 Author Posted February 25, 2005 I can see you have never been in a conversation before. Well let me explain. Sometimes people use another situation to help describe the situation they are talking about its called an E-X-A-M-P-L-E. Which is all the Camilla comment was about and if you had taken the time to read before you started YOUR spouting you might have known that. It might make sense if you stop trying to sound so smart and look so strong and worldly and watch what is going on. And as far as the Tsunami victims I just think if you feel this is so stupid don't waste your time here (which I feel is stupid I don't waste time on things I feel are stupid) it is very clear what this part of the Loveshack is about so I was just suggesting ONE of the many many options you have rather than being here being nasty. Oh and for your information your one nasty comment does not constitue the TRUTH just a teardrop in the ocean!! What, my dear, do you think you said so profound. In her best teenage whine: "What a weak debate...this is so stupid" Well move over Confusious GirlDown has spoken!!
Author CaughtUp Posted February 25, 2005 Author Posted February 25, 2005 Originally posted by SummerRae lol, caughtup, I can relate to you. I had thought of the same thing. At first I didn't know MM was married, fell for him hard, then even after I knew he had lied I was thinking, oh, I'll wait. But now, now, i see that as much as I loved him, and boy did I love him, it was NOT worth the wait. But that was me, that was my story. Every story is different and yes, I do see where you are coming from. You haven't met anyone who quite compares to him. You haven't had that pitter patter in your heart with any other for quite some time. You live and breath (to a certain human-natured extent) for the rays of sunshine he provides. You know the side he shows you. And how beautiful that side is. I recall the my exMM's wife telling me, "You only see the good things." Boy, was she right. I didn't see him go on the internet to look at porn, or him stealing suitcases from the airport or him treat his wife like utter dirt while she was pregnant by picking fights with her just so he could be with me. I didn't see any of it. But if I had, I can tell you right now, I would not be seeing the man I fell in love with. Which tells me that these men are capable of being completely different people around different people. Is that what I want? Is that what you want? How do you know if he was with you (and i know this question has been asked 1,000 times, but it's still worth repeating) how would you know that he wouldn't do that to you? I mean, obviously he loved his wife ENOUGH to marry her. But rather than get a divorce or really work things out, he just jumps ship when the going gets rough. Wow, now that's a man if I ever heard of one. Sorry, if I sound pis$y, I don't mean to, I'm just putting things in perspective, or trying to show that perhaps the side you see of him is only one side. And believe me, that side can be deceiving. I know where you are coming from and you seem to have some idea of what I'm talking about. I realize that I don't know what its like to be with him 24/7 of course my situation maybe a little different in that aspect because I have an inside track being able to deal with his family and I'm friends with his little brother and they don't get along and I'm sure if there was some dirt like that then I would have gotten wind of it by now. I realize that I'm looking at (possibly) being with someone who cheats hey you know what by the time push came to shove I cheated on my H and it was something that I thought I would never do so now what am I going to do throw stones from my glass house?? I think not. There are tons of scenarios I have run through my mind and after each one I think could I live with him if he did this??? Could I live with him if he did that??? And as long as I can answer yes to those questions I'm going to pursue this till the end whatever that might be. oh and btw you don't sound pis$y you are having a discussion and you gave your opinion and look you didn't have to call anyone else's idea or conversation stupid. My you do seem to have your head on straight I think there are a lot of people in here that could learn a thing or two from you.
SummerRae Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 wooah, Caughtup, Girl, I think you're getting a little defensive. I don't think GirlDown said anything that offensive. Chill Chica.
GirlDown Posted February 26, 2005 Posted February 26, 2005 yes, i understand examples and conversation. unlike you, i do have a brain. but your examples were out of context. no one said that if you were rich like camilla you would not be judged. and the tsunami thing...well, that really was just stupid. you're pathetic. i hope one day you find your own man and you won't have to share someone else's. good luck with that.
LadyRLD Posted February 26, 2005 Posted February 26, 2005 I apologize CaughtUP. I didn't read the part about your other interests. So I change my advice now. Live with it until you get so bored that you will just get rid of him without blinking an eye. You have to get to a point where you are tired of a situation to end it. So just keep posting on here. Maybe repeating yourself a lot would help you to get bored with your situation quicker. I don't know. All I know is, after I came here for harsh advice. Acually I wanted to get lectured and told bluntly how I sounded and what I was putting myself through. Some people can take it, some can't. It was those posts that actually woke me up because I felt the same way about my own self. So I ended my situation. I hope you will to. Until then, stay until you can't take it any longer. That's the only advice I can give you since you seem to have your mind made up. That's the only way out for ya!!! Please keep posting though. Again I apologize. I see you are trying to live your life but nothing compares to him. sometimes we get addicted to pain. For some people, a relationship has to be dramatic for them to stick around. I felt like that once until I saw a therapist and realized I was subconciously looking for painful relationships. I know it sounds stupid but the feeling was a familiar feeling. I didn't know what it felt like to have a relationship that wasn't painful. I felt comfortable being on an emotional rollercoaster. If I wasn't emotionally f*&ked up, I got bored with the relationship. In your time of trying to unattach from your MM, you should really research what inside your beautiful self is keeping you in this. What is it in "you" that enjoys this dysfunctional relationship. You will be surprised on what you may find.
GirlDown Posted February 26, 2005 Posted February 26, 2005 Originally posted by SummerRae wooah, Caughtup, Girl, I think you're getting a little defensive. I don't think GirlDown said anything that offensive. Chill Chica. thanks summerrae, i didn't until just now....but i'm done with this poor excuse for a woman anyway...so thanks for defending me, and i'm out...!!!
Author CaughtUp Posted February 26, 2005 Author Posted February 26, 2005 Originally posted by GirlDown yes, i understand examples and conversation. unlike you, i do have a brain. but your examples were out of context. no one said that if you were rich like camilla you would not be judged. and the tsunami thing...well, that really was just stupid. you're pathetic. i hope one day you find your own man and you won't have to share someone else's. good luck with that. If you know who Camilla is then its was a comment (I believe to someone else) that was relevant to OUR conversation. And I hope that YOU find something to do beside reading other pathetic peoples problems and trying to look high and mighty. And you are right about one thing suggesting that you help the victims of the Tsunami was stupid they need caring, understanding people not cacti!! My brain is just fine want to try using the left side of yours?
Author CaughtUp Posted February 26, 2005 Author Posted February 26, 2005 I appreciate that you took the time to go back and read the thread. I'm just trying to deal with where I am now. To ease your mind I am seeing a therapist and I discuss all the ups and downs with her. I'm very harsh with myself that is why I came here and just asked someone to converse with me until I could get this thing worked out. I wanted to know that this drive to be with him even though I want more isn't so unusual. I wanted to have someone to talk about how it can be so glorious and still suck so bad. I didn't need advice on what I should do I'm a big girl who knows the reality and I still hope but I don't...ummm... have all my eggs in one basket. That is why I do other things (that and I want to buy a Jag ) to make my life better for me I'm open to the fact that hey I've got to get out there and date and at least give it a shot that I have ...what ... 2 soulmates and the other one is single But thanks again I appreciate the fact you cared enough to see a little bit deeper.
LadyRLD Posted February 26, 2005 Posted February 26, 2005 I do care. I know what you are saying now. You know what to do. You just need to know how to make your heart catch up with your mind. You are doing it. Keep seeing your therapist until you don't need her anymore. Don't see her too much it may reverse the effect. Working out a lot at the gym help me out. Especially sitting in the steam room or suana. It kind of gives you a spiritual release as you are cleaning out your pores. Take vitamins and try to eat healthy. Drink lots of water. Taking care of your physical insides do give you the strength to take care of your spiritual insides. They go hand in hand. I hope you keep us updated on your progess. Please do this one thing. Make sure you get the Jag!!!! Ok. You go girl :-) Then meet a nice hunk to ride in it with you!!! I am going to buy a new car myself. Some type of convertible. Maybe a Porsche. We are hot mama's on the inside. If only we didn't run into an a&*hole to mess us all up. You will come out a better person after you research within yourself and take care of yourself. So I thank my MM for giving me what it took to face my self. No reason to be mad at him any longer.
Author CaughtUp Posted February 26, 2005 Author Posted February 26, 2005 Originally posted by SummerRae wooah, Caughtup, Girl, I think you're getting a little defensive. I don't think GirlDown said anything that offensive. Chill Chica. ...the fact that you are trying to keep the peace but GirlDown was being very offensive. She's right, she didn't have a comment about my situation she had a comment about a conversation I was having with Devildog. What is she a Chaperone?? I just don't feel that its ok for her to jump in be nasty and think everyone should be ok with it. That would be like me getting an attitude with my MM's W. Look other people in here gave me their opinions I didn't have a problem with them did I agree with everyone? NO but they actually had something to say about the situation not some drama queen in here name calling. I just gave back the same little snotty attitude that she was putting out.
SummerRae Posted February 26, 2005 Posted February 26, 2005 Originally posted by CaughtUp Are you on the rag? If you know who Camilla is then its was a comment (I believe to someone else) that was relevant to OUR conversation. And I hope that YOU find something to do beside reading other pathetic peoples problems and trying to look high and mighty. And you are right about one thing suggesting that you help the victims of the Tsunami was stupid they need caring, understanding people not cacti!! My brain is just fine want to try using the left side of yours? hahahahahaha, I'm laughing so hard I'm crying. Your question CaughtUp, that's hilarious!!
Author CaughtUp Posted February 26, 2005 Author Posted February 26, 2005 Originally posted by LadyRLD I do care. I know what you are saying now. You know what to do. You just need to know how to make your heart catch up with your mind. You are doing it. Keep seeing your therapist until you don't need her anymore. Don't see her too much it may reverse the effect. Working out a lot at the gym help me out. Especially sitting in the steam room or suana. It kind of gives you a spiritual release as you are cleaning out your pores. Take vitamins and try to eat healthy. Drink lots of water. Taking care of your physical insides do give you the strength to take care of your spiritual insides. They go hand in hand. I hope you keep us updated on your progess. Please do this one thing. Make sure you get the Jag!!!! Ok. You go girl :-) Then meet a nice hunk to ride in it with you!!! I am going to buy a new car myself. Some type of convertible. Maybe a Porsche. We are hot mama's on the inside. If only we didn't run into an a&*hole to mess us all up. You will come out a better person after you research within yourself and take care of yourself. So I thank my MM for giving me what it took to face my self. No reason to be mad at him any longer. The 3rd weekend in March I have a 3 hour session of massage and such lined up AHHHHHH!!! and I just started Zen Meditation. Hey maybe we can meet up somewhere after we get our cars and just cruise the strip somewhere for these aforementioned hunky guys. I find it interesting that some OW get angry with the MM why if you knew he was married? Or they are mad at the W. Why? Now I understand jealous but not angry. What is your take on this aspect?
Author CaughtUp Posted February 26, 2005 Author Posted February 26, 2005 Originally posted by SummerRae hahahahahaha, I'm laughing so hard I'm crying. Your question CaughtUp, that's hilarious!! I'm serious though didn't my original post just ask for people to talk with me? Do I need badgering? If I want to be treated badly I'll go to a family reunion . But SummerRae if it made you smile then it was all worth my pain and suffering dealing with it so that was for you Mi Amiga
SummerRae Posted February 26, 2005 Posted February 26, 2005 hahahaha, I think I've had too much water today, lol, whenever I drink TONS of water, I get really giddy. But seriously your question was hilarious! hahahaha
LadyRLD Posted February 26, 2005 Posted February 26, 2005 First of all ignore the un-necessary posts. They are a waste of your energy. Now to real Help. That would be fun to meet up. You are right. It is a waste of energy to be mad at the MM. What made me move on quicker was not being mad or angry at him. In my case, I was never mad at the W. I never really thought too much about her. I should of but why, I was too busy wondering about him. Didn't have enough room in my mind for anything or anyone else. I thought of it this way. I realize that who we like or dislike is a reflection on ourselves. So I started scrutinizing my MM to see what about me is attracted to him. What is in him that I see in me? All the things I didn't like about myself, he reflected. That's why I was always depressed when he would come around and when he would leave. After not seeing him for a week, my energy would come back. Then when he came back around, the sadness started all over again. I kept seeing someone I didn't want to see. That someone was me in him. I didn't want to face it. I looked at him for what he was. I read did some research and thoroughly evaluated the situation to get to know me better. I asked him questions. Then I asked other men questions. I figured if I could understood what he was doing and see if from his point of view, then I wouldn't be mad. Then I would know what it is that attracted me to him. I wasn't mad. He was out trying to get what he wanted to keep his sanity in his relationship. I happened to be the next victim in his game. Then I started to think he was clever. I envied the way he manipulated people. Then I realized I also manipulate people. Not to his extent. He was careless and ruthless. But I had a little of him in me and i am not talking about his penis ;-) I mean I had some of his qualities. So I re-evaluated myself. I changed what I didn't like about myself through seeing "me" in him. Now when I meet someone, I will see a better "me" through whoever the next victim will be (he better be sexy as hell) :-) will be. Once I figured out the MMs pattern and started realizing how predictable he really is. I got bored. Once I changed the things I didn't like about myself. I got bored with him. I know longer needed to see the old "me" in him. My lesson was learned. That's when I ended it and knew I wasn't coming back. I told him I found someone else. What he didn't know was that that someone else was "me" :-) Get that massage!!!!!! I wish I could hang out with you too. Watch out World!!! Keep doing what you are doing, Play detective and find the reflection of yourself in the MM. Make it a game a chance for renewal. Change what you do not like about yourself and your feelings will change towards your MM automatically. Guaranteed!!!! The hard part is figuring out what is it about you that's in him. So focus on that for now. Keep me posted. I am interested in your progess.
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