Splash44 Posted February 23, 2005 Posted February 23, 2005 New to this, so bear with me: Background: started talking to a new guy in November and went on 3 really good dates. He left for Christmas, came back and broke it off. Reason: He claimed the chemistry wasn't there like it should be after 3 dates, but he handled it very sweetly and was full of compliments and sent me mixed messages. My reaction: shocked, thought we really hit it off and wanted to remain friends. His last "major" relationship: 3years long and engaged. Saw counselor and they broke up 13 months ago, but she didn't move out until 7 months ago. Since: Sent him an email about 3 weeks after we broke it off and he responded with, if you are going to the concert, I'll meet you there. He drove an hour to meet me and admitted that he made a mistake and keeps telling me that. Since the reuniting, we've had 2 other wonderful dates. He is very affectionate and seems to be diving in head first. I'm trying to hold back a bit. Status: Tells me he needs to do a lot of thinking and he is afraid of getting hurt again and he is in turn of hurting me since he is not ready for me. I keep telling him I am fine day by day and will be patient and willing to take things slow with no pressure. He admits that he does have a wall up but said it is only a "drywall, not a brick wall". He has thanked me for being patient. I fell like I am walking on eggshells. I would be fine to take things slow but he keeps bringing it up. I told him I am patient because good relationships are hard to come by and I am willing to wait a bit. Should I run for the hills or stick it out and risk being crushed? But is it really my choice?
brandon Posted February 23, 2005 Posted February 23, 2005 stick this one out. he seems just very sensitive. be there for him, but becarefully not to fall into the buddy category
quankanne Posted February 23, 2005 Posted February 23, 2005 I would be fine to take things slow but he keeps bringing it up. I told him I am patient because good relationships are hard to come by and I am willing to wait a bit if this is a guy you're willing to invest some undefined amount of time with before he begins feeling "right" about being in a relationship post-ex-fiancée, lay it on the line. Let him know that yes, you're willing to see this through, but his end of the "deal" is to trust in what is developing and stop bringing up the topic. Sometimes, you've got to smack a person right in between the ears with a reality check before he/she catches on! I think once he realizes that you're sincere about letting things work themselves out and there's no pressure, he'll stop bringing up those things and focus on just enjoying time with you. hang in there honey, this is how I got my husband to come around to seeing that our relationship didn't have to meet any expectations after we'd started dating (he'd just gotten divorced, and there were hard feelings about women and relationships because of that experience).
HotCaliGirl Posted February 23, 2005 Posted February 23, 2005 I'm curious as to 1) where he went for Christmas and 2) what type of chemistry is there supposed to be after only 3 dates? Sounds like a cop-out excuse to not get into a serious relationship...I hope he's not wasting your time and playing games when he's not interested in anything more serious, especially since he said he just wanted to be friends at one point. I don't think he would've said that if he really had more deeper feelings. He's sending mixed messages because he wants to be friends but knows you want more so he is flip-flopping to keep you satisfied. I would run for the hills unless he shows signs that he is liking you more and more otherwise you are just going to get played, dumped and hurt.
amy321 Posted February 23, 2005 Posted February 23, 2005 I agre with cali girl. Run, see if he follows. Men never come around when they know you are waiting for them. I think its when they think theyve lost ya.
Author Splash44 Posted February 23, 2005 Author Posted February 23, 2005 Thank you all for your responses. To HotCaliGirl - to answer your questions, 1) he went to see his father and then his mother who are divorced and living in different areas. He has told me he doesn't speak to her anymore 2) Chemistry after 3 dates was my point to him exactly I hope he's not wasting my time. I wanted to go the friend route in the beginning and he said no because he thought I wanted more and then he came back. So we are past the stage of him leaving and coming back . To Quankanne - thank you, youre comments are reassuring, but I don't have expectations of marriage. Any other advice you can offer to help me through it would be great. Should I be distant and let him make the moves? I definitely don't even want to talk about it, but he does, so I have to try to acknowledge it best I can. I am going on vacation in about a week and I guess he will either want to see me when I get back or it will have fizzled out. Stressed out and confused...
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