Cg86 Posted July 23, 2014 Posted July 23, 2014 So my girlfriend and I are going on holiday in September - we have been together for 4 months and I asked her how much spending money she was taking...she responded with an amount and I said 'do you not think you might need a bit more than that, could you maybe save a little more?'... she replied saying, ' I dont like the way you talk to me about these things, would you talk to your friends in that way - i dont like you getting too involved in things like money" so i was like, ' im not trying to get too involved, I was just wondering as we were going away together' she then said i made her feel crap about saying about taking more money and started accusing me of being mean - it then got a bit heated and i told her i got annoyed because she was accusing me of being mean - she then told me to get over it, and said I was being over the top (by getting annoyed) even though she was the one going on in the first place... Am I in the wrong here?
TXGuy Posted July 23, 2014 Posted July 23, 2014 I don't think you were necessarily wrong. But, the argument was pretty predictable. By asking her to bring spending money on the vacation, you were telling her that you did not expect to be the one paying for everything. This will piss many women off. After all, they are doing you the favor of going on vacation with you. The least you can do is pay for everything. I think the dynamic above is what promted the fight. Alternate explanation: she simply cannot save much more than she is and was embarrassed.
Sriracha Posted July 23, 2014 Posted July 23, 2014 First off, as a woman, I would not assume my guy was paying towards anything in our travels if we were only together for 4 months, unless he actually offered up front to pay for them. However, your approach would have annoyed and embarrassed me! Do you know for sure she didn't have enough money? Meaning, did you put together some expense report that outlines how much meals and entertainment would cost? If that's the case, then it would have been kinder for you to say "baby, I was looking at some prices on line and I'd like to go through them with you to make sure we're both prepared" If you had no idea how much anything was going to cost and you just assumed she wasn't saving enough, then you should have kept your mouth shut. I'm assuming (and I apologize if I'm off base with assuming) you asked because you wanted to know what the financial obligations were on your part, but you went about it the wrong way dude. 1
Ronni_W Posted July 23, 2014 Posted July 23, 2014 ...she responded with an amount and I said 'do you not think you might need a bit more than that, could you maybe save a little more?' You may have been wanting to offer a sound suggestion...but how you did it made you come off like a critical and,or over-bearing parent. You could have tried...in a neutral tone of voice..."Oh, I'm thinking of taking $xxx...I budgeted about $xx per day...maybe we should research some more?" Suggestions and recommendations (not advice, counsel...except when those are specifically asked for) are better when expressed from YOUR own point of view...how YOU arrived at YOUR own decisions, ideas. Otherwise...when you start telling people what to do, how to conduct their lives...you run the risk of coming off judgmental, preachy, know-it-allish, etc. Even if it is with good intentions.
No Limit Posted July 23, 2014 Posted July 23, 2014 After all, they are doing you the favor of going on vacation with you. The least you can do is pay for everything. Everything? He's her BF, not her father. And if a girl really had these expectations and I were a guy I'd become suspicious of her wanting to exploit me to be honest. Being a gentleman doesn't equal being a doormat, although the line between both is very thin these days. Alternate explanation: she simply cannot save much more than she is and was embarrassed. That's probably true, but I don't understand why she makes a fuss of it instead of talking about it. 1
Zeurich Posted July 23, 2014 Posted July 23, 2014 I don't think you did something wrong but your approach was bit annoying honestly. If you guys are just 4 months together and it is look like bit mean that when you ask "how much do you spend ?" that gives expression of are we together or are we apart, it was much better if you have asked "honey how much we can afford?" or "how much the maximum we can spend" As a woman yes I think it was mean to ask that way.
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