Nik2 Posted February 23, 2005 Posted February 23, 2005 Ok, maybe I’m over reacting but. There is this girl at work who has liked me for a few years: I’m not into her and I’ve always tried to be polite about it trying not to hurt her feelings but it is becoming annoying. I can’t even eat lunch with her because she is always making jokes about when we are going to get married: Thats just part of the story. She is OUT OF CONTROL sometimes. One day she was holding in a laugh with a mouth full of water, and she let it go in my face. Then apologized, or sometimes she will walk up to me and start grabbing my leg and lifting my shirt in front of all my coworkers. that would be fine if I was attracted to her but thats not even the point. I think she is pissed off becouse I turned her down last year and she has even cried in the past over it. It’s a long.....Long.....story. Anyway, here is what pissed me off today. I had a bag of candy in my locker today and I gave her a piece. Well when I left to go driving for my boss she took the bag out and walked around giving my candy out to the other employees. I've fixed two of her computers for free and this is what I get. the other girl I work with just thinks its funny and says she is just playing with me. I got pissed off at her about it not because I care about the candy but because it’s BS. she should have asked me. I'm kind of pissed off at the other girl for laughing about it. Well the UPS guy was at the dock and heard me and told me to chill, he said to me: dude she just wants to F…ck you that’s all (have sex another words). What ever Doses anyone think taking someone’s candy out of there locker and passing it out is just playing? or is she getting even with me becouse I won't give her the time of day? she doses things like, she'll say, Can you please put my purse in my car or she will ask me to go start her car for her like I'm her slave. What do I do about someone like this? I mean everyday she give me compliments telling me that I’m sexy and I’m flattered so I don’t want to flip out on her but she is making me look stupid in front of my co_workers.
pizzanova Posted February 23, 2005 Posted February 23, 2005 It's attention-seeking behaviour. Out of curiousity, why havent you ever given her a try?
Author Nik2 Posted February 23, 2005 Author Posted February 23, 2005 Originally posted by pizzanova It's attention-seeking behaviour. Out of curiousity, why havent you ever given her a try? Why? I told you. I’m not attracted to her. She is not my personality match. We have fun at work sometimes but there is no fire there on my end, I'm sorry I don't know what to say. I can't help the way I feel. I don’t find it attractive when someone is overly pushy on me, I like them to play a little heard to get too. It’s a long storey; This girl has done things in the past that has just turned me off. anyway it would talk hours of typing to explain it all. I shoulden't have even started this topic. I just don’t think it’s cool to be getting that touchy at work.. We’ve got an African America girl who is the cleaning women at my work, she is over 60 years old and she grabs me too. I’m polite and just laugh about it. I just don't find it classy when I girl acks like that with me infront of a crowed, I'm more personl thats all. I not into her what can I say. but what I was really posting about was the Candy thing, that would be fine if she wanted to hide my candy in her desk or somthing like that but she gave half the bag away to everyone at my work. I asked one guy and he said he thought it was her candy. WTF
Podna Posted February 23, 2005 Posted February 23, 2005 Personally, I agree with the UPS guy. What do you do about it? I would probably just go out with her and try her on for size. You obviously like her on some level or you wouldn't go to lunch with her and things. But if you just can’t stand it I would tell her that you’re not interested and if she can’t accept it then you can’t be friends anymore.
Author Nik2 Posted February 23, 2005 Author Posted February 23, 2005 What is wrong with you guys, I DON”T WANT A DATE. Friend is one thing but I can’t even be friends with someone that will not give me my space. I have been madly attracted to someone at my work for over 3 years. How can I possibly fall for someone when I work with the girl I have always liked from the start. I'm blined to anything else but only at work. I can’t have the girl I like because she is with someone and I totaly respect that. Thats fine but that dosen't leave an opining for anyone. That point I’m trying to make is: I don't just date someone because everyone else is doing it. (IT has to feel right). Know wonder why we have so many divorces. Sometimes I think people just get married because it’s the thing to do. Good for them, I'm not into her, she has no respect for my feelings, who doses she think she is asking me to go start her car in front of eveyone. She is just trying to show everyone that she can control me. But she is wrong. There is NOTHING THERE.
Podna Posted February 23, 2005 Posted February 23, 2005 Now you have me kinda cranky with YOU dude. If you don’t want to go start her car then DON’T. If you don’t think you can be friends with her then DON’T. You asked a question in your post and I answered it. I told you what I would do. I even told you what I thought you should do if you didn’t like option A. I didn’t tell you to marry her. I didn’t tell you to do anything. I think you need to quit whining and tell this girl NO for a change.
Author Nik2 Posted February 23, 2005 Author Posted February 23, 2005 Dude, I DID tell her NO, did you even read any of my posts? I said NO to her. Don't make this about you, Just forget it. I thought I could get an agreement. Again the real #1 question I was asking had to do with the candy she decided to just give away. All I’m asking is for someone to agree on that being a bull $hit move. The problem is known one has morals anymore. It’s called courtesy. She went into my Locker and took something that’s was not hers. But that’s not the bad part: She then takes the bag of candy and goes walking around the entire plant giving it away to EVERYONE in the other building while I’m out driving. THAT’S what I’m taking about. It kind of reminds me of the type of women that would take their husbands credit card and go ape $hit in the stores while their husband is out working. When I got back I walked up to 3 people who had pockets full of my candy. Nice girl. It’s a different world today; So basically it sounds like you wouldn’t mind someone doing that to you?
Kat Posted February 23, 2005 Posted February 23, 2005 What the hell has happened to LS??? All this idiots coming on playing games. I don't know what rules yo uhave for sexual harrasment but I would tell her that her behaviour makes you feel uncomfortable and ask her to stop. Inform your boss and take it from there You don't go to work to be harrassed and hit on.
Podna Posted February 23, 2005 Posted February 23, 2005 Perhaps I shouldn’t have posted in this tread, because I never really understood that all you ever really wanted was just for someone to agree with you. My mistake. Jeez. I am sorry if I can’t feel sorry for you because you have a crazy THIEF (feel better?) coworker who can’t keep her hands off you and embarrasses you and you don't take any action to stop it. It just doesn’t seem like that complicated of a situation to me, and could be worked out fairly easy. Just say "step off bitch!" I mean... you said you gave her a candy and you said you go to lunch with her and you have fixed her computer a couple times, I'm sorry, but it doesn’t sound like you have really come down on this girl yet. If you want her to go away and she doesn’t seem to be getting it, then it’s time to send a clearer message. Originally posted by Nik2 Again the real #1 question I was asking had to do with the candy she decided to just give away. All I’m asking is for someone to agree on that being a bull $hit move. OK just for the record, what she did was wrong. I agree with you! If you want turn her in to management for theft. That would also prolly make her not like you anymore, porblem solved. Originally posted by Nik2 It’s a different world today; So basically it sounds like you wouldn’t mind someone doing that to you? Wrong Originally posted by Kat I don't know what rules yo uhave for sexual harrasment but I would tell her that her behaviour makes you feel uncomfortable and ask her to stop. Inform your boss and take it from there You don't go to work to be harrassed and hit on. Unless she is your boss and is withholding promotion or compensation because you won’t date her, I wouldn’t recommend this. You will instantly become the laughingstock of the entire factory. Or at least, you would in my area. This is fine for women and should be fine for men, but in the real world people will laugh at you. Originally posted by Kat What the hell has happened to LS??? All this idiots coming on playing games. Huh? playing games?
Kat Posted February 23, 2005 Posted February 23, 2005 Originally posted by Podna Unless she is your boss and is withholding promotion or compensation because you won’t date her, I wouldn’t recommend this. You will instantly become the laughingstock of the entire factory. Or at least, you would in my area. This is fine for women and should be fine for men, but in the real world people will laugh at you. Just because you don't hold self respect very highly doesn't mean someone else shouldn't. Men can and do get sexually harrassed and it is people like you who make them feel like pansy's for standing up for their rights and personal space. A woman can slap a man on the arse and it is 'playful', but if it was a man slapping a womans arse, it is sexual harrassment. Sorry WRONG. Men don't have to put up with that rubbish Huh? playing games? LS isn't for people to come and make fun of, abuse, and laugh at people who ask for help. If you want to do that, go somewhere else.
Podna Posted February 23, 2005 Posted February 23, 2005 Originally posted by Kat Just because you don't hold self respect very highly doesn't mean someone else shouldn't. Men can and do get sexually harrassed and it is people like you who make them feel like pansy's for standing up for their rights and personal space. A woman can slap a man on the arse and it is 'playful', but if it was a man slapping a womans arse, it is sexual harrassment. Sorry WRONG. Men don't have to put up with that rubbish There are double standards every day all over the world. They aren’t right, but it’s a fact of life. He has a right to turn her in if he wants. I just advised against it if he doesn’t want to become a laughingstock. Originally posted by Kat LS isn't for people to come and make fun of, abuse, and laugh at people who ask for help. If you want to do that, go somewhere else. I agree completely! Let me know who was making fun, abusing, or laughing at somebody and I will report them to the mod immediately!
Author Nik2 Posted February 23, 2005 Author Posted February 23, 2005 Originally posted by Podna you said you gave her a candy and you said you go to lunch with her Podna, were talking about more then two years working together. I don’t go to lunch with her anymore. This is exactly why I said it would take too long to explain. Secondly, I’m not planning on turning anyone in, I can handle myself. I just don’t understand why you’re telling me in your own way that I’m not being direct enough with her. With some creativity you could recommend how to lighten her up in a nice manner. Your method however is extremely harsh and cold which is not the approach I wanted to use. I was hoping to find a more positive and constructive method of dealing with her in a subtle way but I can see that’s not the advice I’m getting from the crowd here. Anyway, Thanks Kat.
pizzanova Posted February 23, 2005 Posted February 23, 2005 to be fair, there's this guy I used to really like, and as a result, invested a lot of effort into. I never told him I liked him (I'm not sure whether it was obvious or not) and we have stayed friends (and now, I don't have romantic feelings for him). I feel so bonded and comfortable with him that I act the same way I understand your co-worker is behaving. He's kinda like my brother who I can say anything to and expect him not to take it too seriously.
EnigmaXOXO Posted February 23, 2005 Posted February 23, 2005 I mean everyday she give me compliments telling me that I’m sexy and I’m flattered so I don’t want to flip out on her but she is making me look stupid in front of my co_workers. So let me see if I can cut to the chase without my directness offending you… Initially, you were flattered by all the attention this girl was giving you so you didn't really discourage it. But now that she's gotten a bit too carried away and has embarrassed you in front of your co-workers, you would like to know how to get her to "back down" just a bit without actually putting an end to her crush and flattering pursuit altogether. While you enjoy the idea of being desired and chased by this girl (and the other older lady)…what you DON'T appreciate is loosing your sense of control over the situation, and in essence, being emasculated in front of coworkers and witnesses. The problem may be that you can't always have it both ways. I think if you were truly repulsed by the idea of being manhandled and sexually assaulted by these ladies (and I use the term loosely) then the last thing you would be worried about is coming off as "the nice guy" and trying to figure out a way to keep them at a safe distance while at the same time maintaining their interest in you. I have a feeling that If you weren't so flattered by all the attention, you'd have absolutely no problem expressing your discontent, without mincing words, exactly as you've done here. I can't help but to agree with Podna in that if the situation were as bad as you've described it, and you were as unhappy as you claim to be, then you are not being assertive enough regarding your feelings. I wonder if you may be sending mixed signals because there's still a part of you that is enjoying the aggressive flattery and boost to your self esteem. And I also agree with the others that had the gender roles been reversed, someone may have already been reported and fired.
Author Nik2 Posted February 24, 2005 Author Posted February 24, 2005 EnigmaXOXO, it’s as simple as this: I’m an idiot that lets people walk on me, I fix peoples (Family Friends and co workers) computers for free because I feel that asking them for money will make them not like me. What ever, I guess it’s an insecurity. I guess I need to be more bold like my father keeps telling me and relize that my time is worth something. That’s what happens when your past is F...cked up, I don't see the world like everyone else. I am so abstract in the way I perceive things.. The girl likes me and I’m not into her, NO, I do Not like the attention. I only like it when I’m attracted to the girl. So I have to disagree. But I know what you mean about not having it both ways. come on dude, everyone likes to be liked at some level. Please don't use that one on me. I just don’t want to be hated. A lot of people at work like her: she has been away in Iraq for 2 years and now she is back, if I were to be very mean the others might look at me as a jerk or maybe think I’m being too harsh with her is the way I see it. Look you guys don't understand, it's been a 3 year period, its not even worth going on about, you'll never understands with out all the details. Now I don’t mean to sound racists but it gooses with what I’m saying above. She is Mexican and so is the girl I like as well as this other guy I work with. And they all speck the same language. . and they stick together. thats the way it is sorry like it your not. I use to enjoy going to lunch with the other girl we were very close and now that this girl is back she just wants to take over. The girl that I’m having problems with works in the office away from use most the day, but at lunch time she comes over and asks us what we are going to be doing for lunch, She askes every day. Now she has even talked the girl I use to eat with into going out walking at lunch time. She is just doing this from jealousy. She wants to keep her away from me. So now I tell them both that I'm eathing alone, I got stuff to read. The girl I use to eat lunch with says she wants me to eat with her again but I only eat with them once in a great while now. most of the time I eat alone. Look for get this; it’s too long and hard to explain. I work with only 3 people and it’s a very privet and closed circle. There are too many details. and because of my typing there is no guarantee any of you are perceiving this correctly so lets just drop this now. Again I don't mean to imply that you guys are not good listeners, it's just that it's too much involved to go into. it would take hours of typing. I don’t want to talk about this anymore, I’m done I don’t care. Good by
SadAndLonely Posted February 24, 2005 Posted February 24, 2005 Your coworker would annoy the hell out of me even if I DID like her. She sounds like she's about two pitchforks short of a mob. Talk to your boss, explain that you're being harrassed and don't appreciate it. They HAVE to take you seriously or else they could get sued.
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