Sunberry Posted July 23, 2014 Posted July 23, 2014 I have recently come home from travels in order to explore what I want as well as be away from all the bad memories and depressive episodes I garnered in my neighborhood from one breakup. I came back enjoying seeing new friends, and one of them has a birthday party very soon. I got him a gift as I was visiting family in a different city. I asked him for the guest list and he and his girlfriend announced to me my ex was definitely coming and he has a new girlfriend. This set me back two years. I began to abuse my meds in front of my family as well as began to drink alchohol heavily. I also now cry spontaneously and call my best friend a lot. Back then I acted hysterically, and didn't know how to properly cope. It was very harsh summer(2012) full of therapy and diagnostics though the following few months was of us fooling around ....The last thing he told me was "Please leave me alone, don't come to my home or I'll call the cops". And so I listened apologized, told him it's my fault, and haven't spoken to him since April 2013. I don't know what I want from him. Even if he wanted to get back (like a chance in hell that would happen) I would say no, because all of what I've put my family and friends through is for naught. I found out about my mental illness which GREATLY explains how and why I coped like that. I believe he thinks I'm crazy. Considers me a psycho. He's happy I'm gone..This new person he's with, he's happy...happier I'm not there, which means he's having a better life, better time.. We share the same group of friends. And everyone will be at this birthday party, I haven't seen a few of them in a year or so since I left for Europe. At the same time, my ex is coming back from training and hasn't seen the "birthday boy" since December. I told my friend I'm not going and that I want him (my ex) to have a nice time as me being there would dampen his fun. I'm also going to start trying to travel again after I finish my college terms and go far away once more... A part of me wants to wait a few more years and tell him I'm sorry again and ask him if he thinks I'm crazy...A part of me wants just a friendship...I think I just want to be on his good terms and want to be acknowledged as someone to him....It urques me terribly....And I've grown tired of myself
Mcscooter Posted July 23, 2014 Posted July 23, 2014 Everyone's crazy. Just different types of crazy. In this situation I see more of. We all want, what we can't have. In this case, no one really gets over their ex. They just move on to better things and accept the past for what it is. In my opinion. I think you might have done too much. The best for you is to let it be like before. If you see him, treat him like any stranger. Wave or say Hi. No need for a conversation. He's with someone else. You can't just maintain a friendship with an ex. When a heart breaks, it doesn't break even. Remain the NC, I'm sure you were doing fine. Until you heard about him.
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