rebeccasum69 Posted July 22, 2014 Posted July 22, 2014 I've been with my boyfriend for over two years and we have been long distance up until a few months ago, when he moved in with me. Things have come up making me question whether or not he really loves me and wants to be with ME or he just wants to be with SOMEONE. He admits that he gets attached to people easily and tries as hard as he can to make things work, no matter how hard things get. I will admit that I am going through difficult personal issues right now as my parents separated after 25 years of marriage. Even though I knew it was coming, it's been harder on me than I thought it would be. My mom "emotionally cheated" with someone she worked with and I think that makes me more insecure about my own relationship. Back to my boyfriend...his first serious relationship (ex #1) ended about 2 years before we met. They dated for three years and I found out through a close friend that he was talking about marrying her about a year into their relationship and had gotten as far as planning the proposal. That hurt to find out because in the 2.5 years we have been dating, he has never once brought up getting married to me. They were also long distance so that doesn't seems to be a factor. When he moved in with me, I was helping him unpack and found a box of cards/letters that she had written him. I read one not knowing what it was and then gave the box to him, but just reading that, it seemed like they had a much deeper meaningful relationship than we do. It's hard for me to open up and express to people how much I care, and I think it's a lot to do with my parents because I don't ever remember them saying "I love you" to each other. I do love him and care about him a lot but it's so hard for me to express that with words and it hurt so much to see how easy it seemed for his ex to do that. Anyway, they broke up because she cheated on him and not even four months later, he was in a relationship with someone else (ex #2). Same thing happened, she cheated on him and left him for someone else. They had dated about a year and the first time she cheated on him, he stayed with her. They had been broken up about a year before we started dating (there was another girl in between but they never dated - just slept together, He said he wanted to date her), but a couple months after we started dating, ex #2 (who he said he hadn't talked to for almost a year) started texting him. Someone told me that they had been talking/flirting so I confronted him about it and he said that she had messaged him trying to get him to go over to her house and other flirty things and that they had been talking the past two weeks. He said he just answered her because he felt bad ignoring her. I asked him if a random girl in the bar started hitting on him, if he would keep talking to her because he felt bad ignoring her and he said of course not. Then what is the difference with your ex flirting with you?? It seems like he still has an emotional attachment to her because he didn't want to hurt her feelings. He also said he didn't tell me because he thought I'd be upset that she was texting him and that he wanted to make both people happy. So his solution is what I don't know can't hurt me and then his ex won't be hurt either?? That seems to me that he is choosing her feelings over mine. I'm just not sure what to think about him anymore. I love him and it seems like he loves me, but I worry that our relationship isn't as strong as with his ex and that he's still hung up on the past. If I meant as much to him as his exes, why hasn't he brought up marriage and why does he feel the need to hide things from me to spare his ex's feelings?
marcjb Posted July 22, 2014 Posted July 22, 2014 First, you need to understand why it's so hard for you to open up emotionally. You need to get past that because if you don't the relationship will suffer. You should never hold in feelings. That will turn into resentment. You need to then have a conversation with your boyfriend being able to share your feelings with him, even if it's just what you have told us. Let him know how you feel about him and that you are worried. Have you considered that he may have doubts about the relationship because you are not opening up emotionally? Maybe he needs to hear about your feelings so that he can reassure you. Maybe he is worried that you will break up with him, and that's why he hasn't had strong enough feelings to propose to you?
Recommended Posts