JungleLover Posted July 23, 2014 Posted July 23, 2014 Let me clarify that it is definitely not about just getting sex from this woman. It is about developing physical intimacy with the woman you desire and want to be in a relationship with. I just don't get why some people think sex between two consenting adults is this horrible thing if someone is persistent and it must be avoided. There is nothing wrong with sleeping with a woman that you like and taking the opportunity to do so. Also, I really don't get where this woman is emotionally damaged. That is a heavy assessment from a post. It really takes deep and personal interaction with a person to come up with this rather reading than a paragraph that someone other than the person personally writes. Personally, the woman does not sound damaged to me at all. She sounds like someone who has lived and loved just as many of us have. Everyone has been hurt in the past or will be hurt in the past and this does not make us screwed up. It is a part of life and loving.
Author CharlieFox Posted July 23, 2014 Author Posted July 23, 2014 Also, I really don't get where this woman is emotionally damaged. That is a heavy assessment from a post. It really takes deep and personal interaction with a person to come up with this rather reading than a paragraph that someone other than the person personally writes. Personally, the woman does not sound damaged to me at all. She sounds like someone who has lived and loved just as many of us have. It's not an assessment or an assumption, she shared with me some things about her past, and it's some heavy stuff which I just don't feel like sharing, because I made a promise to her to keep details between us, and I like to keep my word. But it's right there with stuff like being raped or abused, that kind of serious. At first when she was talking about an emotional damage, I didn't really believe her, because almost everyone has some sort of emotional damage, but once she said what this is all about, I understood she's not joking around. But I related to that because I also went through some serious problems back when I was younger, which not a lot of people were able to understand how seriously they actually affected me. Anyway, that's what this is all about.
Author CharlieFox Posted July 23, 2014 Author Posted July 23, 2014 Yup you are right, when they start to open up to you like that YOU ARE heading down the friends zone path. If she asks you whatz up just tell her you are tired or have been very busy blah blah blah. never get into one of those conversations again. Thanks. Although she never opened up about her past boyfriends or talked about other guys who were hitting on her on who she dated in the past, etc.
JungleLover Posted July 24, 2014 Posted July 24, 2014 It's not an assessment or an assumption, she shared with me some things about her past, and it's some heavy stuff which I just don't feel like sharing, because I made a promise to her to keep details between us, and I like to keep my word. But it's right there with stuff like being raped or abused, that kind of serious. At first when she was talking about an emotional damage, I didn't really believe her, because almost everyone has some sort of emotional damage, but once she said what this is all about, I understood she's not joking around. But I related to that because I also went through some serious problems back when I was younger, which not a lot of people were able to understand how seriously they actually affected me. Anyway, that's what this is all about. I see. In that case, this is definitely an exceptional situation. I thought she was simply a girl who had you teetering on the fence but this sounds like a woman who needs a friend more than any thing right now. It is not always bad to be the friend. It may be even more healthier for you in this situation.
Diezel Posted July 24, 2014 Posted July 24, 2014 Either she needs a friend or this thread needs to be retitled "A White Knight Story". Because that's what it sounds like right now. He doesn't seem to get it... he is NOT going to save her. He think he is, but it's not happening. 1
Author CharlieFox Posted July 24, 2014 Author Posted July 24, 2014 I see. In that case, this is definitely an exceptional situation. I thought she was simply a girl who had you teetering on the fence but this sounds like a woman who needs a friend more than any thing right now. It is not always bad to be the friend. It may be even more healthier for you in this situation. It's difficult to stay on board as just a friend when you have feelings for her. And her confusing behavior towards doesn't make it any better. It's true that maybe I am indeed so attracted to her because of this hot/cold thing, but it's difficult not to be. Like, it's not that she doesn't have other friends, here in the UK and back in her home country, and I expected that she'll kinda forget about me when she goes back home for the summer and she'll undoubtedly receive so much attention. But she keeps in touch, sending sweet messages, and saying she can't wait to come back, mostly because she misses me and wants to see me. A while ago she started calling me with a pet nickname after a funny situation during one party involving a few girls fighting for my attention at the same time, and since it's a word in her own language I didn't mind it or asked about it, but later on a colleague from university who comes from the same country explained that this is a word a girl would only call a boyfriend, or a guy she has romantic feelings for, and never a guy who's just a friend (they had some other words for that). She also said she had a sexual dream with me recently, and often times if we don't chat in the evening, she sends me a goodnight text message, sometimes actually quite late when I'm already sleeping. I asked what's up with that jokingly once and if she's purposely trying to wake me up and **** up my sleep, and she said that sometimes when she goes to bed, she just starts thinking about me and can't help it, so she sends something, even if it's late. I dunno... Do women normally act this way towards their male "just friends"? I know it sounds ****ed up, and you guys can laugh at this stupid situation, but that's why I am so confused with the whole thing.
Diezel Posted July 24, 2014 Posted July 24, 2014 Dude, she's just trying to keep you hooked in. That's all it is. You need to start ignoring this woman. She's toying with you emotionally. You know those marionettes with the strings attached? She's your puppet master right now. And she knows it. Why don't you find a healthy relationship with a woman that doesn't carry all this baggage?
Author CharlieFox Posted July 24, 2014 Author Posted July 24, 2014 I appreciate your words, Diezel. I would like to see other people's opinions and advices on the matter also.
ThorntonMelon Posted July 24, 2014 Posted July 24, 2014 OP - you need to ask Diezel to create a newsletter. Then subscribe to it. I wish I'd read his postings a year ago and I would be a far happier person today. She's playing you - someone who cared about you would care about what YOU need. I'm not seeing it.
Author CharlieFox Posted July 24, 2014 Author Posted July 24, 2014 OP - you need to ask Diezel to create a newsletter. Then subscribe to it. I wish I'd read his postings a year ago and I would be a far happier person today. She's playing you - someone who cared about you would care about what YOU need. I'm not seeing it. I am not saying he's not right or his advice isn't good. But given the situation I really can't just take once person's advice and opinion as universal, I need to see what others thing as well before I make the decision how I want to proceed from now on.
ThorntonMelon Posted July 24, 2014 Posted July 24, 2014 OK - now 2 people's opinions. And I am telling you, you're rationalizing - if his advice was to pursue her, you'd have no problem taking it. He's telling you what you don't want to hear. But it's what you need to do. Good luck.
Author CharlieFox Posted July 24, 2014 Author Posted July 24, 2014 OK - now 2 people's opinions. And I am telling you, you're rationalizing - if his advice was to pursue her, you'd have no problem taking it. He's telling you what you don't want to hear. But it's what you need to do. Good luck. Not exactly, this is why I said it's a stalemate situation right now. I am neither pursuing her, nor letting her go, as we barely have any contact now that she's away from UK. I do respond to her messages when she writes, but I keep it very brief and don't show much interest. I guess our first meeting after she comes back will be the dealbreaker about what happens next, so until then I need to think and I really need to hear different people's opinions. And thank you as well.
smackie9 Posted July 24, 2014 Posted July 24, 2014 Being a friend is a bad thing when you have romantic feelings for them. This is why the boards are full of guys asking "How can I turn this friendship into a relationship" or "How do I convinvce her to be my GF". You get your heart ripped out.
Author CharlieFox Posted July 24, 2014 Author Posted July 24, 2014 Being a friend is a bad thing when you have romantic feelings for them. This is why the boards are full of guys asking "How can I turn this friendship into a relationship" or "How do I convinvce her to be my GF". You get your heart ripped out. I am well aware.
smackie9 Posted July 24, 2014 Posted July 24, 2014 I am well aware. Sorry that wasn't for you that was for another poster that quoted that being friends can be a good thing.....it's a stupid thing. And shame on those female posters who find it ok to lie in bed with a guy with no intent of sex.....you are being a damn c ock tease! Stay out of the bedroom unless there is going to be sex for f sakes.....you are not 12 years old!
JungleLover Posted July 24, 2014 Posted July 24, 2014 Sorry that wasn't for you that was for another poster that quoted that being friends can be a good thing.....it's a stupid thing. And shame on those female posters who find it ok to lie in bed with a guy with no intent of sex.....you are being a damn c ock tease! Stay out of the bedroom unless there is going to be sex for f sakes.....you are not 12 years old! I don't see why people such as you find the desire to try to force your way of thinking out here by calling out other posters out. Just state your opinion and keep moving. You don't have to antagonize another person's opinion. It doesn't make you seem any more wise or important. If you don't like what I or someone else say here on the forums, too bad and **** you. We don't have to defend our opinions to you. You are not stating gospel around here. Learn how to respect opinions other than your own. No one is "right" around here. It is all just opinions. There are no facts here.
Author CharlieFox Posted July 24, 2014 Author Posted July 24, 2014 Hey guys, please don't fight.. I appreciate all of your opinions, no matter how different they are. Nobody is wrong or right, and I value the discussion. It helps me see the situation from different angles, which is important.
JungleLover Posted July 24, 2014 Posted July 24, 2014 Hey guys, please don't fight.. I appreciate all of your opinions, no matter how different they are. Nobody is wrong or right, and I value the discussion. It helps me see the situation from different angles, which is important. I really didn't want to go there but he asked for it. No one needs to be scolded by grandpa here. It doesn't make you seem cool.
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