can't seem to move on, i'm weak i think

[NTB]

it has been a month almost 2 since we broke up and somehow this just doesn't seem to be getting better. as cheesy as this might sound i feel like i am trapped in a movie i mean i dream about her, i think about her all the time, whenever i think i am having a good day all of sudden i can see her face everywhere. i've tried the NC but i find i am weak and i guess maybe she is too cause she calls me.

 

she is my everything i could call and talk to her about anything, she was the one i could sit in silence with and still she would make me feel better and now i mean now i have nothing. now i find myself staring off into space just to think about her and all the times we had together.

 

and the worse part is she tells me that she knows that i have moved on, (which i haven't) and that i never loved her like she loves me........i mean why would she say this i mean anyone who saw us together would tell her that they could see how much i love her.

 

anyway i don't know what to do anymore, i'm so lost. i just want to be with her but when ever i think i have a chance she tells me something like "you never loved me" i mean can she honestly believe that with everything we shared?

any advice on helping me cope would be great.......thanks in advance guys and gals

[greenhorn]

The first thing that i want to say is that "you are not WEAK" stop thinking this.

 

You are just a human being so you are feeling you are weak.If you cant feel this then you wont have been able to love also.It hurts everybody to beak up with someone whom we love and see our future with.

 

I dont know your story but if both of you still love each other then why did you guys break up ..i mean was something extraneous happened ??

 

But if you want to do NC then i think you should stop talking to her..talking to her in NC wont help you go anyway.Such type of NC is like you are rowing the boat while its still anchored,you can row for hours and hours but you wont move a inch.So if you are trying to do NC then stop seeing her or talking her.

 

Secondly you should try not to think of her.its not easy but if you try for 10 times i think you would be successful atleast once and slowly slowly you would stop thinking of her.Just shrug her thought whenver it comes to your mind and try to do something else at that time.

 

But you cant do the second thing until you do the first one i.e. if you dont stop talking to her you wont be able to stop thinking of her or dreaming of her.

 

So try man..try....

 

Good Luck

[NTB]

i know i need to stop talking to her but everytime i see her telephone number i can't control myself i pick up the phone not evening thinking twice. i have my good days and then there are those other days that i rather not talk about. thanks for the advice i guess i shall start with not picking up the phone when she calls and maybe she will stop calling.

[ttjames]

WHy not talk to her and tell her that you don't think it's a good idea to talk anymore.

 

I don't know.. I just wouldn't want to be on the other end of NC if I didn't know what was going on.

[NTB]

just at first she was the one who wanted NC and i didn't know it but then i figured it out so i stopped calling and acting concerned so then all of a sudden she starts calling me and when i tried to act strong or what i thought was strong and keep the conversations short with one word answers then i was wrong for doing so and mean to her and because i didn't call her or showed concern then she thought i had moved on which was not the case.

 

i dunno i get so confused sometimes....sometimes i don't know how to feel........

 

 

i am having a better day today tho hopefully i will stay on this track

[NTB]

today is just going to be one of those days i guess....... i must have jinks myself yesterday by saying i was okay....D'OH....feeling like this is going to drive me to drink. i need to numb this pain. and it figures that when i am feeling at my low there come all the break up songs on the radio and any song she ever said she liked.

 

i just want to go home and lay in bed and hope the day goes on faster so i can look forward to tomorrow. MAN I LOVE HER

who knew love would hurt this much i mean this is worse than actually getting the flu or something. i wonder if anybody has ever died of a broken heart????

[NTB]

she acts like she cares and then POW!! she says something like "go get tortured by the dentist"......i mean why say that

i told her my tooth hurts like last week then she asks if i have gone to the dentist when i tell her i chickened out then she says go get it checked cause you'll be in pain then......silence ..........and then she says "the thought of you sitting down to get tortured makes me feel better" why not just stab me in the heart???

 

but still i pick up the phone why?? why do i pick up?

and another thing why ask if i still love her, then when i try and answer she cuts me off and say no you don't.........

 

 

man who ever reads this is gonna think i have lost my marables or something......even tho i feel like that sometimes..

 

 

GOD HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ttjames]

You're just in the self-torture phase. Unplug you phone... The more times you contact her the more contorl you give her over your emotions.. And each time she will become more and more insensitive... And be looking at you going Wow.. What a little wuss! I own this GUY! Muhahahahaha

 

Don't call her. DON"T DO IT! Unplug the phone .. give it to your friend to watch for a WEEK! so you don't have access to it. Call up the phone company and have them block the number so you can't call it anymore or receive the number..

 

Search the coping forum for the article called "take a long walk" or "guide for the long walk" something like that.. It's good.

[NTB]

i think i will look that up

[littlelaxer]

Hi,

 

i was just reading everything that u were saying and i really have to agree with the others. U need to stop takling to her. All it is doing is messing you up. How are u suppose to start to get better if u are contantly answering everytime she calls or whatever she does? It seems like when u talk she says something mean and it makes u upset all over again. The only way to end that is to stop talkin to her.

 

Most of us here who have gone through a break up have had to stop talkin to the ex. Its the best thing u can do for YOURSELF. The first week or so is hard but after that you are ok. It takes some time to adjust but give it awhile and u will begin to notice that everytime the phone rings u wont even think it could be them.

 

You need to get tough and get urself back. Look back at what u wrote............i mean u are stronger then that!! u need to pick urself up off the floor and get urself together and dont live ur life for ur ex. I can tell u are a sweet and caring person and u really need to get urself together so u can meet that special someone who is going to appreciate that sweet and caring person that u are!!

 

If u did still want to be with her, do u think she wants to be with a guy whois at home waiting for her to call, sittin there all sad. Cause ill bet u shes not sitting at home all sad.

 

You were happy before u met her, and u will be later down the road. I KNOW its tough....i have been there and sometims i still am. But when i get upset about these things i got to think to myself about how they dont seem to care about you. You are the only person who can make YOU upset. So dont let that happen. Things will be ok..........just try not to answer the phone anymore

[ttjames]

google "double your dating"

Start making an effort to improve yourself and getting out there and meeting some new people.

[NTB]

i know i guess i just need to start doing things my way and stop waiting to see what she wants to do next....so i will take it one day at a time and just do my best i mean she called me last night at 1:30am and i just looked at the phone saw it was her and put it right back down i didn't even think about answering it i mean if it was important than i guess she could have left me a voice mail but she didn't so. that was that.

 

thanks everybody

[littlelaxer]

Good job. yes def. take it one step at a time. we all know its hard cause we all have been there. Each day it will get better, and im sure soon shes gonna start to wonder whats up with u. Your right though if it was very important she would of left a message. And i know its tough sittin there startin at the phone ring when u see their name pop up, but at the same time it makes u feel good that u didnt answer. Keep it up u are doing very well

[ttjames]

i just looked at the phone saw it was her and put it right back down i didn't even think about answering it

 

KIck AR$E MAn!!!!

 

See who feels the power now??? YOU!!!

 

Keep it up...

[NTB]

well i have kept the NC going i mean i still miss her and all but i admit i am felling better i mean i am sleeping at night and actually starting to think about other things other than her.......now tho she is calling more, i am not picking up the phone tho......but now she is all caring and wants to know if i am okay...i mean what is up with that before it was like "i hope you get sick and get totured" now it is "i am just calling to make sure you are okay cause i heard there was allot of snow" one minute she said i didn't care about her now she says i know you cared for me and i am glad you were there for me....

 

i confused.......very confused

what is she doing.....i mean i wanna call her and talk to her now....but i am not cause .........man i am just confused

 

anybody know what she might be thinking

[littlelaxer]

i think shes tryin to be sweet to see if she still has u. Its only been a short while since u have started NC so i really think u need to continue this. She probably wants to see if u will respond to her right away, and one u do she will be mean again. Im sure if u keep up with out talkin to her she will get mad toward u, like leave a mean voice mail and expect a call back with u saying ur sorry, but shes not going to expect u to do nothing. Then i think she will realize that u arent sittin around waiting for her. You are doing very good iwth NC keep it up. Dont fall for these little "sweet" phone calls where she acts concerned. DONT CALL HER.....YOU CAN DO IT!!

[ttjames]

It's all a game!

 

See how her whole attitude changes once you reject her. She didn't expect that. That's part of what no contact does for you. It gets rid of their grasp and control over you. You break it and now you have some say of what's going to happen. You're no longer the victim getting hurt by everything they try to do to you.

 

It's now your choice to contact her and it's your choice of how you're going to continue.

 

Part of me says for you to contact her,(don't call her, but maybe just answer one of her calls) just to be the nice guy, and let her know that you're okay.. However, you'll have to be strong and not let her turn things around on you. Because she will.. She's probably try to turn you into her little bit!h again. Don't let that happen.

 

You'll have to portray that you're doing fine without her.. That you're moving on. Etc AND You have to end the phone call first!

 

BUT if you can't play that off then the best thing to do is maintain no contact. You'll probably start to see some really strange behavior from her if you do this.

 

It's up to you…

[NTB]

thanks allot for the advice everybody it really is helping me out........

 

 

well no sooner had i read these replies and POW she called. so i felt up to this and i answered the call told her i was okay and thought that would be it, but then she goes into "what's wrong?" and i said "nothing" so she goes to "why are you talking to me like that" i said "like how" and she is like "short and you just answered your phone by saying hello don't you know it is me"......but i am saying how am i suppose to answer the phone by say "hey baby" like i use to. i mean we are broken up.....she kills me...... so i said okay "sorry i am just having a rough day and i don't mean to sound mean but i am just having a rough day at work" which i am i am not lying work really sucks today...so she gets mad and hangs up...i figured i blew it..........

 

but then an hour later she calls i pick and try and be a little better and say "hello" but with a sing to it, still she finds it bothersome so i go off not screaming or anything like that, just like strong not backing down like i have been doing. usually i let her do all the talking but not today and not on this phone call. i was totally calm but i was sticking up for myself she asked me what was wrong and i told her nothing i said i was sorry for making her feel bad and she starts screaming saying "tell me whats wrong" so i said ...........

"look you say you don't care about me and tell me things like i hope you get hit by a bus and right now your screaming at me, so am i really suppose to think you really care about what is going on right now with me?"

i told her i just couldn't see her caring about me considering how she has been acting with me. so then she says "i miss you, do you miss me?" i said yes still strong tho and i told her bye and hung up

 

 

so how do you think that went i think it went pretty good cause after i told her she didn't care she was silent for a while.......well i will keep the no contact vigil......

 

 

 

i still miss her like a jelly donut misses it jelly when it is gone but i will stay strong and not be her B!TCH anymore.....

 

 

thanks everybody

[NTB]

ck guy

 

NC sucks but we gotta hang in there.....it will get better sometimes i feel like it won't but it has to get better.

 

if you want put some of your stuff in here we can trade stories and see what reactions we get from them.....

 

 

hope everything works out for you too.....