Hellooo Posted July 22, 2014 Posted July 22, 2014 First of all, as per my user name, Hellooo! I'm currently going through a break up and it is the first time I have ever felt so bad. Yes it I was dumped, yes it was out of the blue and yes I want the girl back. Including the initial dating phase we were together around 9 months. What I have realised so far is talking about it helps but trying to stay positive is really hard when you feel so helpless about things. I figured I would tell you guys about my current situation and get some opinions from neutral people. Hope you don't mind. Anyway my ex-girlfriend and I met at work not long after she came out of a long term relationship. We were put in contact with each other through a random situation but hit it off straight away after sharing a lot of the same interests and clicking without what seemed much effort. Obviously I was mindful about her previous relationship so just took things slowly, went on some dates and went along one step at a time, however, she was very keen very quickly and we had one or two up's and downs which centred around her feeling I was messing her around and not as interested as she was. Following a few months of being casual together, we decided to make it official and things were great....at least so I thought. I saw my ex one Sunday night, she invited me to her house, made my tea and we cuddled and watched a film. She was even horny and coming on to me (we always had a close relationship like this) so we flirted and messed around with no sex. This was nothing unusual. I went home and got a text from her saying "I am having mixed feelings about things". Obviously I was shocked. She then said "I am going to sleep on it". The next day my fears were realised and she dumped me through text message. This seemed totally out of character and out of the blue so naturally I couldn't help but think something must of happened but how could it have when I was with her the night before? I wanted to see her and speak properly and she agreed although told me in no uncertain terms that her decision was final and she didn't want to lead me on. Before seeing her I bumped into her in work and she burst into tears and ran into the toilets. About 5 days later we met up. Things were fine I gave her a hug and we got on as normal. We went for a walk and had "the chat". I asked her to tell me how she felt and to be honest with me. She was in floods of tears and said she felt there was "something missing" and she didn't see things "lasting forever". She said she loved me and I was perfect but there was just that something that she feels stops her being 100% into the relationship. I probed her a bit and it seems to centre around her feeling I don't share my feelings and emotions with her. She said at times she can't tell when I am happy or sad. There were other things she brought up, she mentioned she felt too comfortable, she didn't want to get hurt, she even mentioned me speaking with other girls which bothered her. We chatted for some two hours. I opened up to her about how I felt and she did with me. We had never spoke like this before and I felt we both learnt a lot. She even said "why can't you have been like this sooner". It was positive to me, she cuddled me constantly, even kissed me once on the lips, then as we walked away grabbed hold of my hand before quickly pulling herself away. She said she felt split by what to do but at the end of the meeting said she had made up her mind and she was sorry. I went home with the feeling of why couldn't we build on that chat rather than throw it away. I rang her and we spoke on the phone. I said what was on my mind and she wouldn't budge. She said it wouldn't be right to try again with it as if she agreed right now things would feel forced. I could see her point. She asked about being friends and I said I couldn't be friends with someone I loved and fancied, so she said "we shouldn't speak then" so I agreed. Following the phone call I deleted her from my Facebook. Within minutes she texted me saying she had noticed I had deleted her and she felt sick about it all but understood. She said things would get better with time and that she had just been crying with her mum about it all. I replied but kept it simple which prompted her to start trying to make light of the situation and start using some of our "in" jokes. After exchanging a couple of texts I re-affirmed I wouldn't be keeping in contact with her and said goodbye. She sent a text back saying she understood and was looking forward to her holiday overseas so she could get away from everything and clear her head. 4 days following she texted me randomly saying "I have just seen that article in the paper about that thing you told me about in work, how awful!" She then attached a link to the piece. I ignored this and didn't reply. My ex- then went on holiday with her best friend a few days later. 4 days into her holiday I got another text saying "hello, how are you x" I left it a few hours then replied saying I was good, had been really busy with work and friends and wished her a great holiday and hoped she was well. She replied straight away saying "that's nice, the place we are at is really nice but the nightlife isn't as busy as we thought so it's been more relaxing really. I have seen those sunglasses you like if you want me to get you a pair? oooo how is the gym going?" I replied back thanking her about the glasses but told her not to worry about getting them, and let her know that the gym was good and I had started a new class. I then told her I was off to bed due to being in work early and left it at "catch up soon". I haven't heard from her since and that was a week ago. She gets back from her holiday today. Obviously I am not stupid but I am confused on what I should be doing. I suspect she broke up with me as she has lost her attraction and things to her have gone stale. I find her behaviour confusing both leading up to the break up, during it and now afterwards. I am positive that things could change if we have a fresh start together as I feel this whole experience has improved me to a degree and made me realise just how special she is to me. It is just getting her to be open to that and willing to explore it. Any tips, advice, observations would be really well received. It has been 2 weeks since we met up and had our chat and 2 weeks since I have not initiated any contact with her. Thanks guys.
Ordinaryday Posted July 22, 2014 Posted July 22, 2014 First of all, as per my user name, Hellooo! I'm currently going through a break up and it is the first time I have ever felt so bad. Yes it I was dumped, yes it was out of the blue and yes I want the girl back. Including the initial dating phase we were together around 9 months. What I have realised so far is talking about it helps but trying to stay positive is really hard when you feel so helpless about things. I figured I would tell you guys about my current situation and get some opinions from neutral people. Hope you don't mind. Anyway my ex-girlfriend and I met at work not long after she came out of a long term relationship. We were put in contact with each other through a random situation but hit it off straight away after sharing a lot of the same interests and clicking without what seemed much effort. Obviously I was mindful about her previous relationship so just took things slowly, went on some dates and went along one step at a time, however, she was very keen very quickly and we had one or two up's and downs which centred around her feeling I was messing her around and not as interested as she was. Following a few months of being casual together, we decided to make it official and things were great....at least so I thought. I saw my ex one Sunday night, she invited me to her house, made my tea and we cuddled and watched a film. She was even horny and coming on to me (we always had a close relationship like this) so we flirted and messed around with no sex. This was nothing unusual. I went home and got a text from her saying "I am having mixed feelings about things". Obviously I was shocked. She then said "I am going to sleep on it". The next day my fears were realised and she dumped me through text message. This seemed totally out of character and out of the blue so naturally I couldn't help but think something must of happened but how could it have when I was with her the night before? I wanted to see her and speak properly and she agreed although told me in no uncertain terms that her decision was final and she didn't want to lead me on. Before seeing her I bumped into her in work and she burst into tears and ran into the toilets. About 5 days later we met up. Things were fine I gave her a hug and we got on as normal. We went for a walk and had "the chat". I asked her to tell me how she felt and to be honest with me. She was in floods of tears and said she felt there was "something missing" and she didn't see things "lasting forever". She said she loved me and I was perfect but there was just that something that she feels stops her being 100% into the relationship. I probed her a bit and it seems to centre around her feeling I don't share my feelings and emotions with her. She said at times she can't tell when I am happy or sad. There were other things she brought up, she mentioned she felt too comfortable, she didn't want to get hurt, she even mentioned me speaking with other girls which bothered her. We chatted for some two hours. I opened up to her about how I felt and she did with me. We had never spoke like this before and I felt we both learnt a lot. She even said "why can't you have been like this sooner". It was positive to me, she cuddled me constantly, even kissed me once on the lips, then as we walked away grabbed hold of my hand before quickly pulling herself away. She said she felt split by what to do but at the end of the meeting said she had made up her mind and she was sorry. I went home with the feeling of why couldn't we build on that chat rather than throw it away. I rang her and we spoke on the phone. I said what was on my mind and she wouldn't budge. She said it wouldn't be right to try again with it as if she agreed right now things would feel forced. I could see her point. She asked about being friends and I said I couldn't be friends with someone I loved and fancied, so she said "we shouldn't speak then" so I agreed. Following the phone call I deleted her from my Facebook. Within minutes she texted me saying she had noticed I had deleted her and she felt sick about it all but understood. She said things would get better with time and that she had just been crying with her mum about it all. I replied but kept it simple which prompted her to start trying to make light of the situation and start using some of our "in" jokes. After exchanging a couple of texts I re-affirmed I wouldn't be keeping in contact with her and said goodbye. She sent a text back saying she understood and was looking forward to her holiday overseas so she could get away from everything and clear her head. 4 days following she texted me randomly saying "I have just seen that article in the paper about that thing you told me about in work, how awful!" She then attached a link to the piece. I ignored this and didn't reply. My ex- then went on holiday with her best friend a few days later. 4 days into her holiday I got another text saying "hello, how are you x" I left it a few hours then replied saying I was good, had been really busy with work and friends and wished her a great holiday and hoped she was well. She replied straight away saying "that's nice, the place we are at is really nice but the nightlife isn't as busy as we thought so it's been more relaxing really. I have seen those sunglasses you like if you want me to get you a pair? oooo how is the gym going?" I replied back thanking her about the glasses but told her not to worry about getting them, and let her know that the gym was good and I had started a new class. I then told her I was off to bed due to being in work early and left it at "catch up soon". I haven't heard from her since and that was a week ago. She gets back from her holiday today. Obviously I am not stupid but I am confused on what I should be doing. I suspect she broke up with me as she has lost her attraction and things to her have gone stale. I find her behaviour confusing both leading up to the break up, during it and now afterwards. I am positive that things could change if we have a fresh start together as I feel this whole experience has improved me to a degree and made me realise just how special she is to me. It is just getting her to be open to that and willing to explore it. Any tips, advice, observations would be really well received. It has been 2 weeks since we met up and had our chat and 2 weeks since I have not initiated any contact with her. Thanks guys. there is no magic way to get an ex to come back to you, if there was no one would be on this board. don't contact her, don't beg for another chance, leave her alone, if she texts you again for whatever reason respond ONCE, just once, with: "Being 'just friends' with you isn't going to work for me. don't contact me unless it is about us getting back together" and then ignore ANYTHING and EVERYTHING she sends you unless she says she wants to give you another chance. in the mean time work on your career and your self, and maybe consider meeting someone else. there is NOTHING else you can do.
SteakandSalad Posted July 22, 2014 Posted July 22, 2014 Hi Hellooo, I'm sorry you're going through this. She has either A) Lost interest B) Is not over her ex (has she mentioned anything to do with this?) C) Genuinely confused. I would say she has lost interest as seeing you as a boyfriend and is throwing you breadcrumb text msgs to ease her guilt. If she really wanted to be with you/date you/reconcile, she would. How old are you both? Has she had a lot of dating experience?
Author Hellooo Posted July 22, 2014 Author Posted July 22, 2014 (edited) Hi Hellooo, I'm sorry you're going through this. She has either A) Lost interest B) Is not over her ex (has she mentioned anything to do with this?) C) Genuinely confused. I would say she has lost interest as seeing you as a boyfriend and is throwing you breadcrumb text msgs to ease her guilt. If she really wanted to be with you/date you/reconcile, she would. How old are you both? Has she had a lot of dating experience? Hi, She had lots of problems with her ex (which I just left her to) but I am positive it is nothing to do with him due to how he behaved with her during their relationship and how he behaved towards her afterwards. She has spoken quite openly with me about him throughout our time together. She is 21 and I am 27 so slight age difference. I am only her second longer term boyfriend although she has dated and been out with other guys. I understand the guilt thing (although I guess I am hoping there is more there than just guilt). I am just a bit taken back that even after being telling her bluntly I could not be friends with her she has texted me a few times, even whilst she is 1000's of miles away whilst on holiday offering to buy me things. I just feel from her, and I might be wrong, that although she kept saying she had made her mind up her mind her behaviour towards me when we met up, and with what she said, appeared confused. I might be wrong. Just don't want to give up all hope on things if there is a chance that it is not as dead as my first appear. Edited July 22, 2014 by Hellooo
Ordinaryday Posted July 22, 2014 Posted July 22, 2014 Hi, She had lots of problems with her ex (which I just left her to) but I am positive it is nothing to do with him due to how he behaved with her during their relationship and how he behaved towards her afterwards. She has spoken quite openly with me about him throughout our time together. She is 21 and I am 27 so slight age difference. I am only her second longer term boyfriend although she has dated and been out with other guys. I understand the guilt thing (although I guess I am hoping there is more there than just guilt). I am just a bit taken back that even after being telling her bluntly I could not be friends with her she has texted me a few times, even whilst she is 1000's of miles away whilst on holiday offering to buy me things. I just feel from her, and I might be wrong, that although she kept saying she had made her mind up her mind her behaviour towards me when we met up, and with what she said, appeared confused. I might be wrong. Just don't want to give up all hope on things if there is a chance that it is not as dead as my first appear. she keeps texting you because you keep responding, giving her the impression that you are okay with just being her friend. if you have told her you are not prepared to be just friends with her then you have done your bit. now you should ignore everything and anything she sends you unless she mentions in the message that she wants to talk about getting back together.
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