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Posted (edited)

ok so me and gf were having problems. she told me thats she's not ready to be in a relationship right now she just wants to be by herself. she told me that she's not looking to go find someones else or mess around she just not ready right now and that she's sorry for jumping into a relationship with me. she said she feels bad because i have done nothing wrong and its hard for her to let me go but thats what she wants. she said that for me not to wait and still live my life and have fun.she said if i wanna have sex i can hit her up and she will do the same. she said she would still like me to be involved in her life as a friend for now and when shes ready we can pick things back up if i want. she said she just has a lot or personal things going on that she needs to deal with.

 

how do i deal with all this. should i just be a friend and go find another girl. is there zero chance of us getting back into a relationship in the future? if i am just a friend to her is there a chance i will get friendzoned?she said that when i ask her question about us and why she wants this it upsets her. she says i dont know how else to explain it i keep giving you my answer and i feel like your pressuring me to give you an answer but i dont know what it is you want.

Edited by cas_thf
Posted

Your best shot at getting back with her is probably to go No Contact.

Delete her number and cut all ties. I mean all ties. friends and family.

It's only necessary to talk to her if she initiates the conversation.

 

I understand that you still want her to be around, but from personal experience the only reason why the dumper keeps the dumpee around is because they feel bad for the dumpee, or just in case they change their minds and want to get back.

 

Pretty much the dumper has all power.

 

You should put up the fight. Cut contact.

It's going to be hard and it's going to suck on a scale 1 to 10, probably an 11.

 

Don't take the chance of getting friendzoned.

 

You'll have a better chance going NC because she'll realize what she lost and she will obtain the fear of never having you again.

 

As for maintaining contact. She won't fear to lose you, because she know she has you still. She can probably choose to ignore or talk to you. NC makes it more difficult for her.

 

Make the right decision and keep your head up.

Embrace the suck and focus on the long run.

  • Like 2
Posted

Go no contact. She's just not that into you and she wants to have her options open until she finds the one.

I'm sorry :(

Posted

Congratulations! You're a FWB now!

 

As a male member of the species, I can tell you that there is nothing better than having an old reliable around when you're out on the dating scene. You might need a date to your company's Christmas party one day, or you might need a little sex to help you with rejection. You might just get horny, and have nobody else to turn to. Or, your FWB can sometimes help you hook up with new girls. Having and being the FWB is really great, and the good ones will span several of your future girlfriends. It can be a very rewarding relationship.

 

IF you can handle it. First and foremost, you have to like this girl, a lot. So, you'd need to be willing to hang out with her, even if there was no sex. But you can't have any romantic emotional attachment to the woman at all, because then it gets all weird. That is a fine line to walk, and not everybody can do it. Sex sometimes gets the emotions involved, and one of you will end up being unhappy.

 

If that's not you now, don't burn any bridges. See if you can get over this girl, and if you can, step right into that FWB role. I recommend it highly.

Posted

the friends thing is a bit much . . . you two really aren't going to talk about deep emotional subjects.

 

 

the NSA sex could be fun if you don't mistake horniness for love.

  • 2 weeks later...
  • Author
Posted

ok so update. ok so ive been trying to act real chill with the whole situation. she had to have surgery to have a hernia removed and i wanted to be there to comfort her. i asked if i could come chill to keep her company but she said that she really just wanted to be alone and if we could reschedule. i said that was fine and left it at that. friday she asked if i had any plans and i said yea and that i was going out with my friends.

 

she kinda jokingly said have fun with your side girl. i didnt respond i just said i was going out. she sent me a text later saying dont forget to wrap it up and then another one 20mins later saying why are you being mad? then later another text saying why are you ignoring me i was just playing and have a good day. after the 1st text i put the phone down and was getting ready. saturday she tells me if i can come over to chill. i go over and just lay with her in the bed. well shes asleep her phone is vibrating. im curious and shes asleep so i grab her phone and check it out.

 

shes been talking to this guy for the past week asking him about his life and what he wants to do and things he enjoys and she tells him goodnight pumpkin or goodnight kisses and things like that. so i know she looking for more than a friendship from him and now i no shes keeping me as a safety net.

 

now is my question. how do i go about it without being the bad guy and shake up her world. she knows she has a hold on me and that i want to be with her.part of me wants to tell her what i saw and she whats she says. or just cut all contact. or just bust a nut in her mouth and say im done with you and leave.or just say i found someone who wants a relationship with me and im gonna pursue it

 

i want her to think like WTF happen i thought i was in control and have her wondering

Posted

If it's me, I shoot from the hip and tell her that her that "Pumpkin" called her and she should tell him to come over and wipe her ass because you want no parts of someone who can't be honest and move on.

 

Then block her from all communications and find someone a bit more honest because she ain't.

Posted

Party foul on checking her phone. No bueno.

 

 

You're dead right about her keeping you as a safety net. You're there for when she needs a pick me up. If that's the kind of relationship you want with her, then keep at it. Otherwise, have more respect for yourself to not be some lady's emotional tampon.

  • Author
Posted

yea ill admit checking the phone was wrong, but i had a gut feeling that something was up and i was right. i was thinking and im not gonna be a little kid about it and go off on her were not in highschool. im thinking ill just ignore her and when she ask me whats wrong. ill just say your not the person i thought you were im done. and if she keeps hitting me up ill just tell her your just confused i know were im at in life and now i know why you need your "space"... im sure she will get the hint and ill just leave it at that. or should i just text her the im done part asap and leave it at that?

Posted

The only time you did what you should do (ignoring her completely), She went out of her mind to reach you.

 

She wants you as a backup, she is using you and she will always do the minimum to keep you around. if you ignore her she understands that she must raise the minimum a little bit... You're being played.

 

Disappear now. Go NC and go dating because this girl has the potential to pull you down for a long long period. she doesn't care about you or your feelings. She uses you completely.

  • Author
Posted

Ok so what do I do if she doesn't stop texting me or if I see her in public... Do I tell her my reason why and what I saw in her phone?

Posted
Ok so what do I do if she doesn't stop texting me or if I see her in public... Do I tell her my reason why and what I saw in her phone?

 

 

yes i think you should be honest with her why you are distancing yourself from her.....she has been dishonest with you and it isnt fair...what you did was understandable by checking her phone.......if it were me i would understand why you felt like you had to check her phone......she needs to know lying is not on......if she hadnt been lying to you and honest with you, you wouldnt have been in her bed to check her phone......she has no one to blame but herself...if she has morals she would know this as soon you out her....i am sorry, i hope you find a woman who is more honest and upfront....while you are with her you wont be able to ...so end it with total honesty that should have been there from the start.........deb

  • Author
Posted

yea i guess i just need to cut it and learn from this. i think part of her switching was me opening up too fast but in the end whats done is done. i just want her to feel like wow what happen but i doubt she will feel anything because shes already moved on talking to other guys

  • 2 weeks later...
  • Author
Posted

ok another update. she text me a little over a week ago asking if i was mad at her. i just told her no. she said that she knows im a good guy but all she wants is a friend right now and she wants to do her right now. i told thats fine and if we could meet in person to talk but she wasnt sure if that was a good idea. i just ended up texting her i think its best if we just go our separate way with no attachments and do our own things. she sent me a text later that night say she read my text and we would talk the next day. the next day she sent a text after working saying so is that what were doing know.

 

i told her i wanted to meet in person to talk things like adults be she was kinda hesitant. she said she was home if still wanted to talk. i went over and she just kinda talked about whats been going on asked whats been on my mind. i told her ive just been doing me and doing what makes me happy. she said she wants to be friends for now and eventually work on a relationship but i told her we crossed the friendship line a long time ago and thats not an option right now. she was bummed and said if thats how you feel i understand and she wishes she met me later and life and how she gonna regret letting me go.

 

that night her friends came over while i was out her house and they were all gonna go out and they asked if i was going but i said i wasn't invited and i had other plans already which was all true.the next day her friends invited me over to play pool and that was only gonna be the guys just chillen. when i get there there she was and when i asked her friends why she was there he said that she wasn't suppose to be there and that the homeowner invited her but he didnt know we weren't together anymore.

 

i just said hi to her and didnt communicate with her the rest of the night. she left before i did and gave me and hug and went home. the next day she sent me a text saying good morning and ask me if yesterday was cool. i just said yea. she said i figure i just give you space. i didnt respond and its been a solid week of NC. any idea of whats gonna happen next. i told her i dont wanna be friends right now and i wasnt rude or anything we she was there. what is going through her mind?

Posted
what is going through her mind?

 

I hate to be the one to tell you, but she's probably trying to figure out if she should blow the new guy with the cool car, or the other guy with the great job and lots of money, or both of them. She's not doing a lot of thinking about you.

  • Author
Posted

i have a nice car and make a good amount of money for age im 24. i think my problem in the relationship was that i wasnt assertive enough and i always asked her to make the decision. how do stand my ground and get a hold of the situation?

Posted

Move on sir. Forget about her and move on you're only gonna prolong the hurt by hanging around. No contact is only a strategy for forgetting someone the fact that some people end up missing you and initiate contact again is only a by product. IMO its not really a solid foundation to build a relationship on.

Posted
i have a nice car and make a good amount of money for age im 24. i think my problem in the relationship was that i wasnt assertive enough and i always asked her to make the decision. how do stand my ground and get a hold of the situation?

 

I actually understand what you mean, but let me point out the flaw in your thinking. She's not comparing your car to his car, or your income to the other guy's income. The new guys are alluring, they are a mystery, an unopened box under the Christmas tree. You, on the other hand, are a known quantity. You're Mr. Been-There-Done-That. Your time has passed, at least for now.

 

This is not about being better or worse, you're not being compared on some kind of ranking scale. This is more like a puzzle. You fit another piece, but apparently you don't fit with her. They probably won't either, but she's got to try to find out. She's already figured that out about you.

 

So, all the advice to move on and forget about it? That's why. It's not your fault, you may have done some things wrong, but live and learn. It wouldn't have mattered in the long run, even if you were the perfect boyfriend. Keep that in mind, and remember the things you learned for the next girl, so that you can make new mistakes instead of repeating the old ones. One day, if you do that, you'll get it all exactly right with the woman of your dreams.

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted

ok what if i just want to use her as a pick me up when i want someone to hangout with or just talk. so in way do what she does to me to her. would i just be her friend and do that or how does that usually play out?

Posted

That's a recipe for more hearbreak.

 

He who cares the least has the power.

 

She obviously cares less, at least based on her actions.

 

You would just get strung along, hear about her other boyfriends, hear about her having fun without you, etc.

 

She might throw you a piece here and there, but it's not worth it.

 

Wanna get to her? Forget her. Become a ghost. Block everything. Improve yourself and find a hotter girl.

  • Author
Posted (edited)

ok so by her wanting to be my friend and me not doing anything and remaining with NC that puts me in the power right? she said that she wasn't gonna go find anyone else but i know that bs. do you think eventually she will contact me? and if she does what do i do? also how do i prevent this from happening with my next gf?

Edited by cas_thf
Posted
ok so by her wanting to be my friend and me not doing anything and remaining with NC that puts me in the power right?

He who cares the least has the power. You need to get to a point where you don't care. NC helps that.

 

she said that she wasn't gonna go find anyone else but i know that bs.

She'll find someone else. But you won't be able to find out because you'll be NC. ;)

 

do you think eventually she will contact me? and if she does what do i do?

She will send you breadcrumbs left and right, unless you block her, change your number, etc. If she really wanted you, she'd come banging down your door.

 

also how do i prevent this from happening with my next gf?

Don't worry about it, don't be insecure.

  • Author
Posted
He who cares the least has the power. You need to get to a point where you don't care. NC helps that.

 

 

She'll find someone else. But you won't be able to find out because you'll be NC. ;)

 

 

She will send you breadcrumbs left and right, unless you block her, change your number, etc. If she really wanted you, she'd come banging down your door.

 

 

Don't worry about it, don't be insecure.

 

so when she says so i guess we cant be friends and give me the whole i wish you the best speech should i continue to ignore her or just take the friendship and let her make all the contact?

Posted
so when she says so i guess we cant be friends and give me the whole i wish you the best speech should i continue to ignore her or just take the friendship and let her make all the contact?

 

Ignore, ignore, ignore. Taking a friendship under false pretenses to try to manipulate your way back into her heart not only is extremely unsuccessful, but is basically equivalent to walking barefoot on broken glass.

  • Author
Posted

well im not gonna lie ive thought about texting her 1st but ive been trying to get in the mindset thinking like no im the catch and she need me not the other way around. i woke up this morning and i got a text from her just saying "hey". i havent respond yet.im not gonna lie im not a big party animals or anything but i do enjoy getting out and having a good time everynow and then and im also gonna take dance lessons for mexicans dances because it something ive always wanted to learn. so can i just respond in like "whats up" and then let her carry the convo and when she ask about being a friend or what ive been doing just be like yea another friends wont hurt. and then just mention ive been getting my salsa on

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