Isabella82 Posted February 22, 2005 Posted February 22, 2005 Today has been such a bad for me. I just don't know what is wrong with me. I am just feeling really down. It has been 9 months since my ex broke up with me. Some days are better then others, but today it just hit me all over again. I have been through this before and usually I am able to pick myself up and move on with my life after a few months but not this time. I feel like I am never going to heal, never going to be over him. The only way I can explain it is that I put him up so high, and I thought he was the best thing ever. Now that he isn't in my life I feel like I am never going to met another man who is better then him. I mean I know he broke up with me and he was so mean about it, but he treated me so good when we were together. He was always there for me, always put me first, always made me feel loved, safe, I knew exactly where I was going in life. Now I just have no idea. I have already been to counseling and I am on medication for depression, and it helps but I still have my days. I just sometimes feel so helpless like if things are never going to get better. I just feel like I don't ever want myself to get that close to anyone else ever again, because I don't think my heart can go through another break up. Being alone is okay, but when I was with my ex everyday felt like heaven. Everyday was just so much brighter, and I was just such a happy person. I used to thank god everyday for letting me met my soulmate. Now I just feel so lost, so empty, so lonely. I don't really have anyone to talk to about it, because I just feel like no one understands me, or they are going to think I am crazy. I am just trying so hard to realize that this will all pass, I am trying to realize that this happens to almost everyone and one day it will all be better. But I just don't see it happening anytime soon. I just wish so much, that my ex would miss me already and want us to give it another chance. But I know that it won't help, because I can't trust him anymore. And without trust there is no relationship. It just hurts that he wasn't the guy that I thought he was. I just feel like I don't have anything anymore, and its almost been a whole year.
westernxer Posted February 22, 2005 Posted February 22, 2005 These things take a while. Some days you'll be fine, others you won't. Your top priority is to get over him, regardless of how strongly you feel for him right now. Soul mate he may have been, but there are others out there who are just as worthy. Don't rob them of the opportunity to meet you, because you sound like a really nice girl with a lot to offer. Love can be brutal, especially when you've opened yourself to someone you trust, only to watch them toss you aside like an old pillow. It's unfair, and it hurts. Sometimes more than physical pain, it seems. Why do you think there are so many songs and movies about it? Because it happens everywhere. Please try to be strong, and realize that you, and only you, can make your life worth living. Your ex can't make your life better, and it sounds like he couldn't really care to begin with. Go out and make something of yourself. The only way you'll ever get over this is to dress your wounds and gear up for the daily battles that await you. We all go through this as adults -- that's why it sucks growing up. Don't let this experience haunt you. If you accept it as a something we all go through, you'll be much stronger for it. It's tough medicine to swallow, sure, but you have to accept it or you'll never heal. Sooner or later, you'll discover it hurts less and less, and you'll be on your way to bigger and better things. Hang in there, girl. I'm rooting for you. Remember... "That which doesn't kill me makes me stronger."
greenhorn Posted February 22, 2005 Posted February 22, 2005 Excellent post Western... its so comforting .I really like the way some ppl post in LS ...they are so soothing. Isabella i am also rooting for you and you are not alone in this so hang in there.There is no miracle in life and we all need to move on. Cheers sweetie..
datdarkman Posted February 22, 2005 Posted February 22, 2005 It's almost been a year for me (will be one year on Mar. 4) since my x and I broke up. But a few months ago, I was where you are now, Isabella82. What helped me get thru that time was one: prayer and two: exercise. Those two things helped keep my mind on me instead of focusing on my x. And I feel so much better now. Don't get me wrong. There are still bad days now, but I know what to do to get passed them. You just have to find that thing to do that gets you mind off of your x and that relationship. Be strong, my friend. You are not alone. Keep your head up. You have another person rooting for you.
sundrop Posted February 22, 2005 Posted February 22, 2005 Isabella, I was having a bad day to yesterday, but today is a new day... I hope things get better for you, I will send a little sunshine your way....
greenhorn Posted February 22, 2005 Posted February 22, 2005 Originally posted by sundrop Isabella, I was having a bad day to yesterday, but today is a new day... I hope things get better for you, I will send a little sunshine your way.... Send a drop to me also .....
Author Isabella82 Posted February 25, 2005 Author Posted February 25, 2005 Thanks guys for giving me good advice. I talked to my brother tonight about the whole thing and it just made me feel worse again. He said that when my ex broke up with him that he told my brother that I pushed him away, because I would sometimes be so mean. I admit sometimes I can be mean and say some really hurtful things. But saying that thats the reason why he broke up with me makes it all seem like it was all my fault. And I told that to my brother and he said he wasn't interested in whos fault it is, he doesn't care. And I know it doesn't matter whos fault it is, but I don't want to go on thinking that the whole break up is my fault. It makes me so sad, because sometimes I just feels like I have lost everything, and I think him blaming it all on me is just the cowards way out, this way he makes himself look like the good guy. I just sometimes feel like such a horrible person if that really is the truth, but it just doesn't make any sense to me. I know only him and I were the only ones in the relationship, so only I can say. And that is why it just doesn't make sense. Why would he break up with me, and blame the whole thing on me???? Aren't I already hurting enough?? He didn't have to twist the knife that was already in my heart.
westernxer Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 People do that to feel better about themselves, but sometimes it can be true, too. Just take it with a grain of salt and learn from your mistakes. Don't dwell on whose fault it was. It won't get you anywhere. Most people don't learn from their shortcomings, which is why they suffer the same mishaps over and over again. Don't be like them. Focus on improving yourself, and don't do it just because you want him back. It's the only thing you can do at this point. And, no, this doesn't mean you're a bad person. It only means you're human, like the rest of us.
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