ladybug1984 Posted July 22, 2014 Posted July 22, 2014 Just wondering about a situation where someone is dating someone else who is still financially supportive of adult kids? This one is NOT for me, but for a BFF, who is dating this guy who is constantly supporting his two grown children (23 and 25). It's starting to get serious with the two of them and I don't want to see her in a bad situation. Both kids are employed, though somewhat "under-employed", but make enough to get by on, evidently. The guy basically gets them lots of 'extras' and basically, my friend is worried if this progresses that she is going to resent having to support the two kids if they eventually get M. My friend makes a decent living and is in better shape than the guy she is dating. HOWEVER, if she winds up marrying him, she will more than likely pay off some of his debt and then be faced with the long-standing habits of him continuing to support the kids which leads to HIM being in financial trouble. I don't want to butt in, but she has asked ME for my opinion, so I feel justified. Just wondering how people on the dating scene deal with this and if it is a red flag what I have described? PS - I COMPLETELY would understand if an adult child was going through a hard time, had serious issues, etc., basically just needed HELP. I would WANT and expect a parent to help if they were able. This most definitely is NOT the case with this, however.
BikerAccnt Posted July 22, 2014 Posted July 22, 2014 Tough one. The kids will always come first, even as adults, they are still his children and he's going to do as he sees fit with them. I'm dating someone now, who has two adult children, one out of the house and on his own, the other just starting college. MY GF still helps them. I expect she always will, she's their mother. Just the way it is. Do I think all the help is justified? Nope. I think they take advantage of her generosity. Is it any of my business? Not really. I voice my opinion if asked, but otherwise unless it effects me personally, I keep it to myself. IF she decides to marry him, she doesn't need to pay off any of his debt. I don't know why she should, or be expected to, in the first place. From the sounds of it, both of them are adults. At this stage of the game and life, even if they get married, she doesn't need to co-mingle assets and debt. Parents will always help their kids, even more than help. If his helping is leading him to financial difficulties, that's something she needs to know about before she decides to marry him.
Keenly Posted July 22, 2014 Posted July 22, 2014 When it comes to dating, this party should spend far less time concerning themselves with the financial decisions of the person they are dating. Those observations come FAR down the line. It's really none of her (his?) business what he (she?) does with their money, or who they support. If they do what they wish, and still have plenty to live a responsible live, whats it to anyone else? I think this is just another case of "that person is not doing this the way IIIIIII would do it, and it bothers me" kind of thing. To each their own, especially when it comes to the money that they rightfully earn and may do as they please with it. 2
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