some_dude87 Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 Alright, first post, so go easy. I've been dating the same girl for a touch over 2 years. In the beginning, it was great. Intimacy was there, we have the same view on religion, politics, the whole "check box" card seemed to say green light. After about 6 months, I really thought she was going to be my wife some day. We moved in together after a year of dating, and our first apartment has serious repair issues that the landlord didn't want to fix. Long story short, it was a seriously stressful 6.5 months in that place before we were able to get out of our lease and into a new place. The new place ironically had some issues as well which caused more stress, but the landlords were just plain better to deal with. On top of that, we both started grad school at the same time (fall 2013), which also seemed to add an incredible amount of stress. The last year of our relationship slowly deteriorated to where we got on as friends, but no intimacy was left. No spark. It's like I wasn't even attracted to her anymore. We talked about ending it for about 2 months now, and nobody pulled the trigger. Well, I was contacted via FB by a girl I used to know, and she's moving to my city this fall from another country. The conversation started simply with her asking is I knew of a roommate. I replied with the whole "no, I don't personally, but try these sites and areas, etc." However, as the messages went on (strictly platonic), I divulged that my current GF and I weren't doing so well and one may be moving out. The friend who messaged me asked if I would want to be her roommate. I never committed to anything and stopped the convo there, but I was recently on a trip with some friends and my GF logged into my FB account and read those messages. I told her previously that this female had messaged me about a place here, so I felt no need to delete them as it would implicate I was hiding it. So I got back from this trip, and all my gf's things are gone. She completely moved out! What has me wondering now, is the classic "did we do enough?" thoughts and feelings. I now find myself missing her, and claiming to myself that we didn't work on things enough, and that all these external forces were the cause for how our relationship to degrade. On top of that, we didn't work on it like we could have because of how busy we were with school, work, and the mess of apartment stuff. It really has me sad because she and I were so good together. I'm a very logical and rational person, and I can't help but feel I want to work out our issues and get her back. So, to you love gurus, do I sit back and let the dust settle, or reach out to her and really try to make it work? It's what I feel like doing at the moment. I just need some outside input. I'l gladly provide any more detail if needed.
rewl Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 That was very disrespectful of her, what a crazy bitch. Don't even try to talk to her, it's over.
erklat Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 So she moved out without any notice? Basically she's the one who broke it, she's the one to fix it.
Author some_dude87 Posted July 22, 2014 Author Posted July 22, 2014 So she moved out without any notice? Basically she's the one who broke it, she's the one to fix it. Yes, she moved out without notice. I literally opened the door to a halfway cleaned out house. I'm not sure if it was easier that way for her or what, but for 2 years of dating I would have just hoped for a better ending. Makes it seem like I did something utterly horrendous, and now makes me feel terrible about it all, too.
todreaminblue Posted July 22, 2014 Posted July 22, 2014 Yes, she moved out without notice. I literally opened the door to a halfway cleaned out house. I'm not sure if it was easier that way for her or what, but for 2 years of dating I would have just hoped for a better ending. Makes it seem like I did something utterly horrendous, and now makes me feel terrible about it all, too. the ending is causing issues for you had it been more of a tolerable ending you would probably feel better about the relationship ending.....maybe that was her intention...it was not a mature thing to do however........i dont think that you should try to reignite thsi relationship....sorry.....deb
Author some_dude87 Posted July 22, 2014 Author Posted July 22, 2014 the ending is causing issues for you had it been more of a tolerable ending you would probably feel better about the relationship ending.....maybe that was her intention...it was not a mature thing to do however........i dont think that you should try to reignite thsi relationship....sorry.....deb Thanks for your input. I greatly appreciate it. I guess I can't help but feel we got complacent and didn't maintain our relationship properly, and it's why I want her back. I don't like knowing we could have prevented this. She moved in with her parents and her stuff is in a storage unit, so it's not like she's settled somewhere yet.
BC1980 Posted July 22, 2014 Posted July 22, 2014 Thanks for your input. I greatly appreciate it. I guess I can't help but feel we got complacent and didn't maintain our relationship properly, and it's why I want her back. I don't like knowing we could have prevented this. She moved in with her parents and her stuff is in a storage unit, so it's not like she's settled somewhere yet. Maybe she took the FB conversation as a reason to end it. She probably used that as a reason to finally pull the trigger. I do think that the way it was done was pretty bad. I'm sure she did that so as not to have a face to face conversation with you, but that doesn't make it right. You will always have second thoughts and wonder if you could have made it work. The fact is that she apparently has no intention of trying to make anything work and actually wants to completely end it.
marcjb Posted July 22, 2014 Posted July 22, 2014 (edited) Alright, first post, so go easy. I've been dating the same girl for a touch over 2 years. In the beginning, it was great. Intimacy was there, we have the same view on religion, politics, the whole "check box" card seemed to say green light. After about 6 months, I really thought she was going to be my wife some day. We moved in together after a year of dating, and our first apartment has serious repair issues that the landlord didn't want to fix. Long story short, it was a seriously stressful 6.5 months in that place before we were able to get out of our lease and into a new place. The new place ironically had some issues as well which caused more stress, but the landlords were just plain better to deal with. On top of that, we both started grad school at the same time (fall 2013), which also seemed to add an incredible amount of stress. The last year of our relationship slowly deteriorated to where we got on as friends, but no intimacy was left. No spark. It's like I wasn't even attracted to her anymore. We talked about ending it for about 2 months now, and nobody pulled the trigger. Well, I was contacted via FB by a girl I used to know, and she's moving to my city this fall from another country. The conversation started simply with her asking is I knew of a roommate. I replied with the whole "no, I don't personally, but try these sites and areas, etc." However, as the messages went on (strictly platonic), I divulged that my current GF and I weren't doing so well and one may be moving out. The friend who messaged me asked if I would want to be her roommate. I never committed to anything and stopped the convo there, but I was recently on a trip with some friends and my GF logged into my FB account and read those messages. I told her previously that this female had messaged me about a place here, so I felt no need to delete them as it would implicate I was hiding it. So I got back from this trip, and all my gf's things are gone. She completely moved out! What has me wondering now, is the classic "did we do enough?" thoughts and feelings. I now find myself missing her, and claiming to myself that we didn't work on things enough, and that all these external forces were the cause for how our relationship to degrade. On top of that, we didn't work on it like we could have because of how busy we were with school, work, and the mess of apartment stuff. It really has me sad because she and I were so good together. I'm a very logical and rational person, and I can't help but feel I want to work out our issues and get her back. So, to you love gurus, do I sit back and let the dust settle, or reach out to her and really try to make it work? It's what I feel like doing at the moment. I just need some outside input. I'l gladly provide any more detail if needed. You should not have confided in another woman about your relationship problems without even talking with your girlfriend first about it. She could have been completely in the dark about your feelings. Once she realized your feelings from reading your messages with this other girl, she probably thought there would be no point in dealing with someone that "doesn't feel the same way anymore". It's bad enough when there's one person that doesn't want to put the work into a relationship, but in your case, it actually sounds like there were two people that didn't want to. Edited July 22, 2014 by marcjb 2
imfine Posted July 22, 2014 Posted July 22, 2014 I'm not sure I would have stayed around after reading private messages between you & another woman that could appear I was being replaced without my knowledge. Talk about hurtful. I think you should respect her wishes & let her go. 2
Author some_dude87 Posted July 22, 2014 Author Posted July 22, 2014 I'm not sure I would have stayed around after reading private messages between you & another woman that could appear I was being replaced without my knowledge. Talk about hurtful. I think you should respect her wishes & let her go. Understandable. I did disclose the messages with her though. She knew about them. My only thought would be physically seeing them that changed things? It is possible.
BC1980 Posted July 22, 2014 Posted July 22, 2014 Understandable. I did disclose the messages with her though. She knew about them. My only thought would be physically seeing them that changed things? It is possible. Oh yeah, I'm sure actually seeing the messages changed things greatly. It's one thing to know you talked to another woman. It's another thing entirely to see the actual messages. That makes is much more real and personal. I don't think you technically did anything wrong with the FB messages, but you have to realize that it does hurt to see them. That's just a normal reaction. Maybe she left so abruptly because she was embarrassed. Either way, it looks like the entire relationship was going south, so I'm not convinced it could have been fixed anyway.
LovemySons Posted July 22, 2014 Posted July 22, 2014 I'm sorry she left like that...she was probably hurt. It's different knowing the messages were there and reading them; especially when you were talking about personal issues in your relationship with her. It sounds like you were both ready to move on, so maybe this is a good thing. Good luck!
gj13 Posted July 22, 2014 Posted July 22, 2014 Apart from everything that has been said (all true)... why was she even logging in to YOUR fb..seems to be that she had some trust issues or was just looking for "something" "anything" as a plain excuse :/
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