Indonesia1 Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 (edited) I've posted before and ive not been able to get this out of my head recently and I understand its because well, a lack of understanding and closure following my breakup. Honest words appreciated. My ex and a I broke up 7/8 months ago. A short lived and very intense relationship. First loves. I really did love him but I was very insecure and unhappy for many reasons and the relationship became dysfunctional. I know it was for the better. The thing is my ex didnt give me one consistent (or even many) consistent reasons to the breakup. At first he told me he wasnt sure if he saw me romantically anymore...at first I found this unbelievably self esteem destroying and in my month post breakup desperation I made it clear I wanted to see if it could work (stupidly). He basically mumbled uncertainties and eventually I got tired of being strung along and thought why would I want to be with someone who isnt sure they see me romantically? I tried to call it quits. He kept telling me how much he missed me and how confused he feels and cried a lot. He said he doesnt want it to be forever and to not give up on him. I was so heartbroken and driven insane by his mixed messages. He betrayed me trust not long after and that marked a definite end to our relationship. We tried to remain friends. We slept with eachother once and kissed drunk a couple of times but we argued at parties and night outs FEROCIOUSLY. It was exhausting for us and our friends. One of his friends said I broke his heart? I ended up kissing a not close friend of his and he took it very badly. He told me it breaks his heart to hear about me with others and he did really love me. I once asked him straight a couple of months after we broke up if he had any feelings for me. He was so ANGRY at me. He said 'no sorry not in that way'. I was hurt but I asked if it was really true. He said that maybe he was making himself believe it because he couldn't justify not being with the only girl hes loved. Did this guy genuinely stop seeing me romantically? Can you get this confused and angry if you have? Or could there be other reasons? He also did say some weird things during our 'friend' phase. I was going out with some guy friends and he got very jealous (he is not jealous or possesive in any way so this was very out of character) and proceeded to tell me that no girl could compare to me. And said he still loved me. My doubts are whether he was ever still 'in love' with me following our breakup. I dont know if him saying that flattery was just to make me feel less bad or for him to feel less guilty. It seemed quite unnecessary in the context. He has no problem sleeping with a lot of other women after breaking up. A couple of models. Ouch my ego. Ive slept with someone just once. Although I dont want to be back in that dysfunction I find the idea hard to love someone else. I want the idea of us ever being together to be clear. I dont want this now but I wonder about years to come (I'm going to get scrutinised for fantasising but I am just being honest) Sorry if my grammar is appalling, the size of the text on my phone is horrific Edited July 21, 2014 by Indonesia1
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