czanclus Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 PREMISE: About 2.5 years ago, I exchanged contact info via an online dating site w/ a guy about 5 years younger than me from whom I got a pretty clear vibe was interested in FWB relationship and nothing more. At that time, I had contemplated the idea of trying out this entirely unknown to me turf, and agreed on an initial public meeting at a nearby cafe. We met and 'passed' each other for potential further developments (ie. sex at some foreseeable future), and after about an hour of borderline vapid chit chat parted ways. He was the perfect combination of superior fitness with next to none personal attraction (per my taste) to boot, and I decided this would be child's play. FFW to three months later, we were yet to figure out logistics of this sex-meeting, given that I am a single mom w two-three jobs and a kid on all school nights, and he a devoted exercise/yoga practicer with a full time teaching job. In this meantime, very little (if any) sexting happened, but as I was teaching a course for kids at a university that involved principles of high school level physics, and he taught the subject at a school, he gave me some interesting sites to visit on the topic as well as general pointers on concepts that I was reviewing. Then I met another guy, and we started dating seriously. The FWB-to be guy emailed me a couple more times during the following months, and I cannot recall if I replied with a: "sorry, met someone and am now dating him" type of a message, or if I simply ignored his messages altogether. At any rate, I never heard from him again. TWIST: Until a couple of months ago, that is. If he hadn't attached pictures in this latest email sequence w/ him doing yogacrobatics, I would have not even known who he was. The message contents contained the usual generic ramble about 'how've I been' and 'what I've been up to lately'. I replied politely and just as generically how 'nothing much/out of the ordinary' has happened in my life. I ended the short message with a question: 'just curious, what made you think of me after a cool 2 years since we last spoke?' Soon thereafter he replied with a trite: 'oh just wondering what was up/thought i'd say 'hi''... In lack of amusement at this reply, I sent nothing back. He then 'upped his game' by sending another message in which he attempts, presumably, to embed some personal context, demonstrating thereby his saved record of previous correspondence w me, and the two or so minute long effort to read and regurgitate these contents per relevancy level. Due to sheer business and general waned interest in the FWB relationship w anyone, I did not reply. The message that followed asked me if "he scared me off". I am a 36 year old woman, and no, men do not scare me off with their email advances. (Or did I not pick up that this was a joke?). I then replied that he didn't scare me off, but that I've been too busy to reply. The next three messages written in the course of about four weeks asked me about my weekend plans and whereabouts. I replied to none of them. QUESTION: I am particularly interested in the responses from male millenials (guys of ages between 24-32), but of course welcome anyone's constructive input: What is the proper Response Etiquette to this type of advance? The premise being, to be sure, that I am NOT interested in FWB relationship. Additionally, given that he seems like a cool person otherwise, I would prefer not to antagonize him, and if possible, actually be friends (you know, WITHOUT, the benefits) with him. But I realize this might be a tall order with men. Sadly... :-( A) Ignore. Even if it takes him longer than an average horny monkey, he'll get the message sooner or later. B) Don't just ignore. Spam. Horney monkeys send messages like this to a whole network of hopefully eligible horny chicks, and you just happened to have been a part of the network. His 'personal' messages are just regular maintenance, because we are not all Viggo Mortensen, so some due dilligence is required. C) Invent a 6'4" 250 lbs boyfriend, former football quarterback with a bit of a PTSD from the most recent warfront draft, and reply by telling the FWB guy courteously that you regret things not having panned out. D) Reply by asking: 'What part of "i'm not interested in what you seem to be looking for" do you not understand? E) ______________ (suggest your own.) Thanks much to all participants.
TXGuy Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 I missed where you actually told him you were not interested in anything romantic/a fwb situation. You could start with that.
Author czanclus Posted July 21, 2014 Author Posted July 21, 2014 Thank you, TXGuy. So, ignoring apparently doesn't get the message across?
haribogumsnickers Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 Ignoring doesn't mean a no to this stud muffin. He needs a direct no please leave me the **** alone to all of the above. It's too bad though because why should you have to reply when you don't have to? This thirsty camel is a creeper. You can always just block his email or change yours completely. Give me his email and I'll post an ad on Craigslist. Jk. 1
haribogumsnickers Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 I had to reread a bit. His messages didn't seem to imply him seeking the fwb. You could continue the platonic replies and clarify that you don't want the fwb. Totally up to you though. I went too hardcore with my first suggestion. I figured he still wants to bang cuz that's what millennials do.
Author czanclus Posted July 21, 2014 Author Posted July 21, 2014 Thank you, haribogum. So, trying to salvage any friendship here is as futile as a guy convincing his fiance girlfriend to forget about marriage, and instead become a f$ buddy? Or are there any words worth typing that would get him to agree to the friend-zone?
TXGuy Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 Thank you, TXGuy. So, ignoring apparently doesn't get the message across? Ignoring leaves it ambiguous. I was suggesting simply being direct with him before inventing a bodybuilder ex-con boyfriend.
Author czanclus Posted July 22, 2014 Author Posted July 22, 2014 I'll go with that (not ignoring). As it happens, he wrote me another email sometime today asking if I would like a "treat" after a [hard work filled] Monday? (There's gotta be a vast market for these yoga/fitness guru young males in Midwestern cities everywhere, cause I'm not making these lines up... and apparently 'cold calls' have gotten them action before...) My reply email bluntly stated that if he's looking for FWB relationship, i am not interested, but if he wants to hang as friends - to contact me. Guys are simple/direct, I hear... So let's see if this at least stops the 'wanna meet sometimes' emails.
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