Diezel Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 I am capable of splitting everything 50/50, including the mortgage, I just am having a problem with paying off his loan. Also, If we did split everything 50/50, I would have much less in terms of money for savings and extra to spend. That is why I like the % per income route, we both would be saving the same % and neither of us would feel like someone is not paying their fair share or paying more. He asked me to move in yesterday, so we are planning to sit down this weekend and lay it all out. It seems people are split with the whole thing, which is exactly what is going on in my head. I guess there is no right or wrong answer, we'll just have to figure it out. Why don't you talk to him FIRST and then asked based on the situation? I guess I didn't read the part where everything is yet to be discussed. This could all be conjecture and reactions based on absolutely nothing yet. You know him better than we do. You know if he'd be equitable to certain terms or not moreso than we would.
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 When I moved in with my ex into his place, he didn't let me pay any of the rent or utilities but we split food. His parents were really wealthy and they would constantly send him money though.
2sunny Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 Why not live on your own first? That way you would have a clear idea of how much you'd be spending to live out on your own. It may not seem "fair" to be contributing towards his mortgage payment - but that's what you will be doing if/when you rent anywhere else anyway. What reason did he have to moving you in now? Didn't he give you any idea of what he expected from you if you were to move in? It needs to be outlined in detail if you consider it. Would the goal be to get married? If so, when? 3
lollipopspot Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 If it where myself, I own my own place and car. I can cover all my bills without an issue. If I had a partner moving in that made less I'd ask them to cover some utilities and/or food. I'd likely not ask them for "rent" as I pay the mortgage, taxes and insurance no matter what. I would however sit down and figure a reasonable way to split the costs so both parties are happy. I'm sure you'll both figure it out. That's what makes sense to me. I wouldn't ask a partner to help pay my mortgage if they made significantly less and it was no problem for me to pay it (and especially if they were moving from somewhere where they were paying no rent). But I would work out an arrangement with day to day expenses like utilities and food. This is probably a relatively temporary situation anyway. In my mind the point of living together is to see if you're compatible for marriage or another long term commitment, in which you mostly blend money, or to see if you need to separate because you aren't compatible as intimate partners.
PerfectStorm Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 I would pay 50/50 everything. You're not paying off his loan. You are paying him rent. If you rent a house the landlord owns it and may they use it to pay off "their" loan but they let you live there. I never as a woman put myself into a position where I accept unequal favors. Even if the man offered to pay all of it I wouldn't allow it. Until MAYBE after we were married. 1
Haydn Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 I actually agree with you. Scary. Actually no. She may be able to sock away more through splitting costs with him than renting, getting furniture and paying her own utilities. Renting an apartment is not free and at the end of a few years...zip in investment.
jb82 Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 My boyfriend moved in with me and this was a difficult decision at the time. In a way, I couldn't let him move in "for free" because then he wouldn't have any responsibility for our life or his own really. I would be like his mother or his supporter or something. The money isn't for nothing, it's for him to live here. This is a strange thought for someone not contributing to their living arrangements currently, but when you move out (on your own or with him) you will see that you spend a lot of money just to have a place to eat and sleep - this is the real world. I used to not understand this at one time either, but it became clear quickly! Where I live, half of a mortgage is a lot less than a one bedroom apartment rental, so 50% of a mortgage would be less than living alone. What I did was try to estimate half of the bills other than mortgage and then add on a negligible "depreciation" charge. This was because almost everything in the house was/is mine but he was using it (washer/dryer, furniture, tv, etc). I will say that it was just a number pulled out of the air for the most part. Too small for him to claim that he was paying my mortgage but too much for him to be taking advantage of me. He still couldn't find an apartment for this low but it's also not a laughable amount. I do sometimes consider that it should be higher, but I haven't changed it in three years. One thing though - In the event of marriage, I don't think you (or my bf) would expect to have to pay half of the equity to be a co-owner of the house. It's about romance and love, not about money. If you are the one moving in, I would think it was him setting what he expects, and up to you to decide if it's reasonable to you. I would not do this again - live with someone in my own house. If you already have qualms I would say that is a signal that you are not ready. I don't know how old you are but I would HIGHLY recommend moving out of your parents house and living alone before moving in with someone. Having someone pay for living space is really great to a degree, but at some point it might eat into your self esteem. 1
isisisweeping Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 I am a none believer that the higher income earner should pay more. IMO all bills should be 50/50, . "I'm sorry honey, I know you really want me to move in with you, but I simply can't afford it. You either need to downsize considerably or we just can't live together." I'd venture to say that often when someone makes significantly more money, they'd be happy paying a higher percent. Many would be insulted otherwise. What works for you doesn't mean it's what works for everyone or is THE way, the truth, the light.
FitChick Posted July 22, 2014 Posted July 22, 2014 I just caught the bit about her living with her parents. Why not learn to be independent and on your own for a few years instead of going from one dependent situation to another? What you will learn about life and yourself will be worth any extra money it may cost. Grow up! 2
acrosstheuniverse Posted July 22, 2014 Posted July 22, 2014 I would have no problem contributing rent to a partner who was paying the mortgage. You're still getting somewhere to live and you're still saving money that you'd be spending if you were living and paying for everything alone. I don't think you understand the value of money and rent and how much it actually costs to live someplace on your own, perhaps because you have just come from living with parents and having no true financial responsibility (you may have paid them rent, but it's a different story when you know that not paying up means you're out on the streets or in a hostel). For example in a one bedroomed flat here you're looking at around £350-400 rent, plus the same again on top for bills easily. So one person moving in straight away halves that as you're not exactly going to be using significantly more heating or water but you're still taking up the same space. I would like to just pay everything according to percentage of income overall, usually when living with people money has gone into one pot and that pot has been used for the rent (or mortgage for you) and bills. So it's not like you're paying half his mortgage or you're paying all the bills and he's paying all the mortgage, there is no real difference). Just about to move in with my guy and I'll be earning £1300 to his £900, I think we'll be splitting bills pretty evenly at least at first but I will be paying a proportionate amount of rent so that he's not left in relative poverty due to earning less. It's supposed to be a partnership not a tit for tat thing.
iiiii Posted July 22, 2014 Posted July 22, 2014 I think it's fair to contribute some rent, and definitely fair to share the utility bills and food expenses. However, I don't think you should necessarily pay 50% of the rent. You didn't get to choose this home - he did - so if you would have chosen to rent a smaller or cheaper place than he chose to buy, you shouldn't be penalised for the choice he made. And remember that it's often more expensive to pay the mortgage on a house than to pay the rent on exactly the same house - if you pay your share as if for a mortgage, but only get the same benefits as if you are renting it, that's not fair either. So I think you should find out how much it would cost to rent a room in a flat, if you were going to move out by yourself - and offer to pay him that for your share of the rent. Plus it would be fair if you were to offer to pay 50% of the utilities, and food bill (both expenses which will increase now that you are living there). 2
Mysterio Posted July 22, 2014 Posted July 22, 2014 Do you really have to live with him. Why not just stay as you are. Until you have an engagement, whats the point. The vibe I get from you is that there is some weariness. Look you had to come here for advice. I think that you want some commitment to him. If you got engaged for a year. you could lose out on the equity. I think that the only way for you to feel good about yourself at this point is not to move in, Enjoy being the GF for one more year. If you feel that there will be no eminent engagement. Say goodbye. When I put myself in your shoes. At this point I have my own Condo. So if a woman and I get involved. It will be separate dwellings until we are engaged. After an Engagement. 2 months or so before we get married she can live with me. Then we stay for a year in my condo and sell it and get a bigger place. 1
guest569 Posted July 22, 2014 Posted July 22, 2014 Why shouldn't you pay rent? If you're too tight then stay living with your parents. 1
Els Posted July 22, 2014 Posted July 22, 2014 You haven't even talked to him about it, right? IMO better to talk to him about his expectations first and think about it after. All this discussion is hypothetical because you don't even know what he wants in the first place. For all you know HE might think that it's silly to expect you to pay half the mortgage (which I don't think you should do obviously).
smackie9 Posted July 22, 2014 Posted July 22, 2014 I have yet to see a male posting "It's only fair that my GF only pay % based on her lower income because I make more." or a female posting "I wouldn't expect my BF to pay into my mortgage because he won't benefit from it if we split up.."
Pennyyes Posted July 22, 2014 Posted July 22, 2014 I'd say pay rent. If he uses it to pay off his mortgage, that is up to him. If you resent that, go and rent somewhere else? OR buy a house with him and get your name on the contract.
BlueIris Posted July 22, 2014 Posted July 22, 2014 Moving into someone else’s home shouldn’t be a financial burden or windfall for either person. I know it’s an extreme example, but it’s illustrative. If your S.O. lived in a home with a $10,000/month mortgage, and you can afford and would choose to pay $500/month rent on your own, very few people would argue that you’d have to pay half of $10,000, or even a significant portion of it, to subsidize a choice that your S.O. made for himself. The same principle applies. Do an individual budget and determine what you can afford, and actually would pay if you were on your own, and offer to pay no more than that.
smackie9 Posted July 22, 2014 Posted July 22, 2014 Bottom line make it as fair as possible....hopefully both of you are not blinded by love and will make a realistic decision. 1
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