Kaitie Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 My boyfriend recently asked me to move in with him. We have not sat down and talked about how everything is going to be split financially yet, but I would like to be prepared and know what I want. I know where I stand in terms of general bills/chores/entertainment/personal loans. What I'm split on is the mortgage. He owns his home and has no problem paying everything by himself. He also makes significantly more than I do. I currently live at home so I pay no rent. I'm iffy about contributing to his home loan. I feel that I would be helping him pay off his house that I have no right to in the event something happens to us. In my mind, it is like my car payment. I own it and pay for it. I would in no way make him contribute to my car loan just because it is our only car and he would be using it equally as much as me. However, I would expect he contribute to gas, and seat covers if he wanted then. This would be a completely differently story if we were married. I just want to get other's opinions. I don't want to jump straight to that thought without knowing I am at least somewhat right in thinking that.
SmartDude Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 In my opinion, Keeping finances separate, Is the key to a healthy relationship.
Gaeta Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 What you pay should be % of your revenue. If his mortgage is $1,500 a month how are you suppose to cover half of that + half of all utilities + groceries, if you work minimum wages. He pays his mortgage. You take upon you the utilities + groceries, that should equal close to the value of his mortgage and represent a big chunk of your salary. When I was with an ex that made 4 times my revenue that is how we set it up, his house his mortgage, and I took care of heating, electric, internet, cable, gas, etc. I would buy the groceries each week but if he saw a special he never hesitated to fill the freezer on his own.
pink_sugar Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 My husband and I have a car loan in my name because my credit and income was better at the time. However, in the event of a divorce, I would have no problem handing the car over to him as he does most of the driving and paid the down payment on the car. We split the monthly cost with no problem. I don't see an issue with you contributing towards the mortgage...as long as he intends to add you onto the mortgage when or if you marry. But it is reasonable to expect you to contribute to the household you're living in, rent, utilities etc. This is why a lot of people wait until they are engaged to move in together, that way you're not paying on the mortgage for years not to get anything out of it.
longjohn Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 My boyfriend recently asked me to move in with him. We have not sat down and talked about how everything is going to be split financially yet, but I would like to be prepared and know what I want. I know where I stand in terms of general bills/chores/entertainment/personal loans. What I'm split on is the mortgage. He owns his home and has no problem paying everything by himself. He also makes significantly more than I do. I currently live at home so I pay no rent. I'm iffy about contributing to his home loan. I feel that I would be helping him pay off his house that I have no right to in the event something happens to us. In my mind, it is like my car payment. I own it and pay for it. I would in no way make him contribute to my car loan just because it is our only car and he would be using it equally as much as me. However, I would expect he contribute to gas, and seat covers if he wanted then. This would be a completely differently story if we were married. I just want to get other's opinions. I don't want to jump straight to that thought without knowing I am at least somewhat right in thinking that. If he makes significantly more than you he may not mind covering the mortgage. If you did help him pay part of the mortgage it's no different that paying a landlord rent. You fork it out, they pocket it and/or repay the bank. You still have no to right to the property. If I where you I'd ask him to help cover costs with the car if he uses it.. why not? I wouldn't have an issue with that. Maybe yous can do a wash on mortgage vs car? If it where myself, I own my own place and car. I can cover all my bills without an issue. If I had a partner moving in that made less I'd ask them to cover some utilities and/or food. I'd likely not ask them for "rent" as I pay the mortgage, taxes and insurance no matter what. I would however sit down and figure a reasonable way to split the costs so both parties are happy. I'm sure you'll both figure it out. 2
Author Kaitie Posted July 21, 2014 Author Posted July 21, 2014 What you pay should be % of your revenue. If his mortgage is $1,500 a month how are you suppose to cover half of that + half of all utilities + groceries, if you work minimum wages. He pays his mortgage. You take upon you the utilities + groceries, that should equal close to the value of his mortgage and represent a big chunk of your salary. When I was with an ex that made 4 times my revenue that is how we set it up, his house his mortgage, and I took care of heating, electric, internet, cable, gas, etc. I would buy the groceries each week but if he saw a special he never hesitated to fill the freezer on his own. Thats where I stood on the general bills, percentage based on salaries. and my initial thought was to buy the groceries, as I'm better at budgeting for the grocery store than he is. 1
Elle1975 Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 Pay rent. if his mortgage is $2000 then a $1000 rent would be a bit much. However, you should pay some kind of rent. 2
Author Kaitie Posted July 21, 2014 Author Posted July 21, 2014 If he makes significantly more than you he may not mind covering the mortgage. If you did help him pay part of the mortgage it's no different that paying a landlord rent. You fork it out, they pocket it and/or repay the bank. You still have no to right to the property. If I where you I'd ask him to help cover costs with the car if he uses it.. why not? I wouldn't have an issue with that. Maybe yous can do a wash on mortgage vs car? If it where myself, I own my own place and car. I can cover all my bills without an issue. If I had a partner moving in that made less I'd ask them to cover some utilities and/or food. I'd likely not ask them for "rent" as I pay the mortgage, taxes and insurance no matter what. I would however sit down and figure a reasonable way to split the costs so both parties are happy. I'm sure you'll both figure it out. Thank you. We both have our own cars (although his is a company car). It was just and example of what was going on in my mind. I'm sure we will will figure it out too, I just didn't want to sound unreasonable right off the bat. 2
central Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 Discuss how you will split and share bills, and which are solely his or yours. You should pay some rent, IMO, which could include a portion of utilities, and adjust for things you may provide that he can use and doesn't have. I also strongly suggest you put this in writing, in the form of a "Non-Marital Cohabitation Agreement" - you can google examples - and have it notarized. This prevents future misunderstandings, and can protect you both in certain circumstances. For example, my then gf became very sick and needed to apply for disability and other aid, but since we were living together they wanted to include my income in factoring her benefits, but with the Agreement in place, they could not, so she got much more assistance and I didn't have to take on expenses for which I wasn't responsible.
Priv Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 I'd pay something. I have read somewhere if the house is not in both your names the one owning the house pays all of the actual repayment of the debt (it is his/her house after all) but you split whatever you agree on the interest. Normally that part based on % of income. Sounds reasonable to me. Might lead to resentment down the road otherwise. But seeing I have not actually owned a house with someone (thank God seeing my relationship history ) I can't bring in personal experience.
Diezel Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 You are comparing a house loan to a car loan? How is that even equitable? You USE the house, he doesn't USE the car, right? Also, if you went out and lived on your own, wouldn't you pay rent as well. I think this is more of a matter of you maybe wanting to not pay at all? I get that he makes more than you, but if you go out and rent an apartment, you ARE paying for someone else's mortgage, and sometimes, they might not even have one. I would say, go into the conversation expecting to pay rent but being happy if all you have to do is pay utilities/food. 2
Gaeta Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 Paying the total of the utilities + groceries or Paying a rent and half utilities + half groceries * is the same thing * Is the rent you should pay be representative of half his mortgage? NO. He bought this house as per HIS mean. He is also the one fully collecting the benefit of the equity paid on that house. If tomorrow I move in with a man that owns a 7,000 square foot house with indoor swimming pool and an acre of English garden, should I pay half of his mortgage and maintenance?? I'd offer to live in the dog house before that!
smackie9 Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 I am a none believer that the higher income earner should pay more. IMO all bills should be 50/50, big ticket items stay with the person that purchased them in the event of a breakup. Since you have no intitlement to his house, you both should come to an agreement that you pay a certain affordable amount in rent as if you both are renting a place. If you can't really afford to live with him, then you shouldn't be moving in with him. Keep you head on straight and wait til you have a better paying job, instead of riding on some of his income. 1
smackie9 Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 IMO women should get it out of their heads that a man should cover the extra costs because he makes more.....women need to step up and take financial responsability. 1
haribogumsnickers Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 Kaitie, repeat after me, mission abort. Don't move in unless you're married. If you were really ready for that, then you wouldn't be on here posting about the uncertainty. 1
MissBee Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 (edited) Just like you're laying it out to us...be as equally honest with him and see what he says. He may very well agree with you or you two could come to some kind of compromise. I have never lived with a bf but my current bf and I talked about it briefly, however the situation would be that since my university owns my apartment (I'm a grad student), only affiliates of the university can have their names on the lease legally, even if their unaffiliated partner/spouse shares the apartment. In the end, we decided not to live together for other reasons, partly because he's planning to buy his own home, but I did feel it was an iffy situation that while I doubt he would, he could abandon the lease with me having no recourse and me being responsible for the entire rent and also since only my name is on the lease he also would have no recourse if something happened as his name wouldn't be on it. I felt that setup wasn't secure for either of us. But truth be told in general I'm more of the mind to leave moving in until we're engaged esp if mortgages are involved and so on, as at least if we're planning to be married soon, it makes more sense than the still iffiness of just dating. Anyway, I felt it best if we were moving in and aren't a married couple things needed to be on more equal terms; i.e. an apartment where BOTH our names were on the lease. You may also consider your stance on this. Since you guys aren't married, do you really want to move into HIS home? I don't think I would want that personally, for some of the reasons you suggest. But you could also discuss how to share living expenses outside of the mortgage. Although admittedly, I'd also feel uncomfortable living in his home when he pays all the mortgage. So for me truthfully, if we aren't married, I'm not coming to live at your house. In choosing to live with a bf things would need to be on more equal terms like we are paying for a house together or the rent together, both our names or on the legal docs and not just where he pays his own mortgage and I live there and pay other bills and where only his name or only mine is on the legal docs. That's just me though. So discuss your feelings and you two should be able to come up with a viable option that suits your needs. Edited July 21, 2014 by MissBee
mtber75 Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 I would split everything including his mortgage. Actually you should think about it as paying rent and he is the landlord. I would split the bills just to show him that you can stand on your own two feet!
soccerrprp Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 I am a none believer that the higher income earner should pay more. IMO all bills should be 50/50, big ticket items stay with the person that purchased them in the event of a breakup. Since you have no intitlement to his house, you both should come to an agreement that you pay a certain affordable amount in rent as if you both are renting a place. If you can't really afford to live with him, then you shouldn't be moving in with him. Keep you head on straight and wait til you have a better paying job, instead of riding on some of his income. Really? So, does this apply to married couples?
d0nnivain Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 Talking to us about it won't resolve anything. You have to talk to him about it. With a mortgage, I may feel like I'm helping him pay it without getting equity but the same can be said about any rental. You don't know that the property owners / landlords aren't using the rental income to pay their mortgage. Where ever you live there is still an expense associated with sheltering you, whether you pay him, a landlord or even your parents if you still live at home. Finances will do more damage to your relationship if you don't talk about expectations before you move in. Similarly you need to discuss division of labor & house hold chores.
FitChick Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 That is one advantage of being married. All these small and large things are automatically covered and sorted out. If you must live with him, I like the idea of a written contract. When you split up, which is emotionally stressful on its own, you won't have the stress of deciding who owns what. So be sure to include anything you buy, i.e. lamp, as being yours.
Haydn Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 And they say romance is dead. I am sure the last thing on someones mind will be the toliet roll holder which plays and lights up with each 3 ply sheet that is used. That is one advantage of being married. All these small and large things are automatically covered and sorted out. If you must live with him, I like the idea of a written contract. When you split up, which is emotionally stressful on its own, you won't have the stress of deciding who owns what. So be sure to include anything you buy, i.e. lamp, as being yours. 1
Author Kaitie Posted July 21, 2014 Author Posted July 21, 2014 Thank you all for the replies. I am capable of splitting everything 50/50, including the mortgage, I just am having a problem with paying off his loan. Also, If we did split everything 50/50, I would have much less in terms of money for savings and extra to spend. That is why I like the % per income route, we both would be saving the same % and neither of us would feel like someone is not paying their fair share or paying more. He asked me to move in yesterday, so we are planning to sit down this weekend and lay it all out. It seems people are split with the whole thing, which is exactly what is going on in my head. I guess there is no right or wrong answer, we'll just have to figure it out.
d0nnivain Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 The right answer is whatever works for you two. Talk to him & work through it together. 1
smackie9 Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 Really? So, does this apply to married couples? This is how me and my husband do it. 50/50 right down the middle. Whatever we have left of our own money we can do as we please. We don't share an account or a credit card. We are responsable for our own dept. Conclusion: we never fight about money, only who's turn is it to pay the tab. (we take turns paying for dinner, etc). We have been doing this for over 24 years.
smackie9 Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 Thank you all for the replies. I am capable of splitting everything 50/50, including the mortgage, I just am having a problem with paying off his loan. Also, If we did split everything 50/50, I would have much less in terms of money for savings and extra to spend. That is why I like the % per income route, we both would be saving the same % and neither of us would feel like someone is not paying their fair share or paying more. He asked me to move in yesterday, so we are planning to sit down this weekend and lay it all out. It seems people are split with the whole thing, which is exactly what is going on in my head. I guess there is no right or wrong answer, we'll just have to figure it out. I still feel just because he makes more doesn't entitle you to have a little extra for yourself.
Recommended Posts