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Why do people let past relationships affect them so much?

johnsonracer

By johnsonracer
in General Relationship Discussion

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johnsonracer Member

johnsonracer

Posted
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its annoying. I dont understand why people let past relationships ruin the current ones. just because you got cheated om by a guy doesnt mean i will do the same thing

 

you have to take a chance and see that not all people are horrible in relationships

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PegNosePete Established Member

PegNosePete

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You're preaching to the choir bro.

 

If your girlfriend is having commitment issues then you should talk to her about it.

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Mike B. Established Member

Mike B.

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Right! It is so annoying when someone says I am like this because I was hurt in the past. Everyone has been hurt in the past. It is not a valid excuse for you to be an a-hole in the relationship. People think it is a be annoying for free card when it comes to dating. Get out of the past. What happened before I got here doesn't concern me.

bubbaganoosh Established Member

bubbaganoosh

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I guess it all depends on what the past was although you can't take back what already happened.

 

If a person was in a relationship before you then you can pretty much bet the house that they had sex and the same thing would apply to you too.

 

But if he/she cheated in their past relationship, it's only natural that you would wonder because they swore to their past bf/gf that they wouldn't cheat and they did.

 

No one wants to be the next victim.

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Emilia Established Member

Emilia

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I'd say people that blame previous relationships usually don't know what their issue is. I've seen this a few times 'I'm like this because of my ex' um, no, your ex left you because of this and this and this.

 

It's just an excuse not to face issues or not being self-aware or just too scared to admit what the problem is.

joystickd Established Member

joystickd

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No one wants to repeat the same mistake. We sometimes see actions in the new person that reminds us of the past. The thing is as a person you have to decide whether you are going to let the past ruin a new relationship.

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johnsonracer Member

johnsonracer

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it sucks being cheated on but not every guy will do that!

longjohn Established Member

longjohn

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I can understand this. I was cheated on by my ex. She lied and lied for god only knows how long until I got suspicious. My gut lead me to a trail of texts, facebook messages, emails etc. Every relationship since I think in the back of my mind is she telling me the truth or what I want to hear like my ex. Isn't easy to get back on the horse when you've been trampled. It took me a fair bit of time to get over these issues and even now I'm guarded.

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No Limit Established Member

No Limit

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Because it's these things that form us, and nowadays it's most important to have some experience with bad things too, it'll spare you a lot of damage.

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johnsonracer Member

johnsonracer

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it can be frustrating to try to show im not a cheater.. trust me

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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These people are not relationship material.

 

I was cheated on in the past and it's not something I live with anymore. I never assume there are other women, he's with someone else, etc. It's just not in me.

 

My best friend was cheated on years ago and to this day when she dates someone she is making his life a living hell by checking his pocket, emails, fb, questioning his every word, etc. She is never going to be able to be in a functional relationship till she gets her act together and solver her trust issues.

 

Don't date these people.

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Mike B. Established Member

Mike B.

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it can be frustrating to try to show im not a cheater.. trust me

 

 

I wouldn't put too much effort into actually trying to show them. Be yourself. It is their problem and if it interferes with the dating then they are not ready to date and should resolve their baggage before doing so.

Mike B. Established Member

Mike B.

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These people are not relationship material.

 

I was cheated on in the past and it's not something I live with anymore. I never assume there are other women, he's with someone else, etc. It's just not in me.

 

My best friend was cheated on years ago and to this day when she dates someone she is making his life a living hell by checking his pocket, emails, fb, questioning his every word, etc. She is never going to be able to be in a functional relationship till she gets her act together and solver her trust issues.

 

Don't date these people.

 

I agree. These people with the trust issues can make your life hell. It is not my job to fix them and teach them to trust again.

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WhatASituation Member

WhatASituation

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Agreed with Gaeta. If you don't have trust in a relationship, you can't have a real relationship. You turn into their probation officer so what kind of love is that? My GF now has even offered to show me her phone at anytime, but I don't want to see it. I'd rather just trust her, and same goes for me.

littleblackheart Established Member

littleblackheart

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As someone who has just had her heart shattered into one million pieces because the man I was madly in love with lied often and very well about his whereabouts, his friendships, how and who he would spend his days with, etc... I already know that I will not even attempt to have any kind of relationship with any man until I feel I have fully healed, however long thing may take.

 

 

At the moment, I see all men as potential cheaters (irrational I know, but it's still raw and I also know a lot of them...) - this is how I know I'm not ready.

 

 

Some people are able to brush it off quickly and just move on as if it was a bad memory, but to me it more than just 'sucks' to be cheated on, and it's a bit hurtful that you could trivialise it in that way.

 

 

Still, this may be wishful thinking on my part but I'm sure that in time, trust issues can be alleviated by a thoughtful partner with a kind heart, a lot of patience and genuine feelings. This can only happen if the person is truly ready for it though.

 

 

Don't go into a relationship with someone who is not ready even if they say they are - if you have to prove to them that you're not a cheat, they're not ready; you'll be doing you both (and probably your future relationships) a big disservice.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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Woggle Established Member

Woggle

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Betrayal hurts like hell but it's not fair to make somebody else pay for it because they are of the same gender.

SincereOnlineGuy Established Member

SincereOnlineGuy

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Why do people let past relationships affect them so much?

 

 

Easy,

 

Because one's relationship dossier is most unlike the experiences of a Major League lead-off hitter as he barnstorms around the league during any given year.

 

The ballplayer will be thrown hundreds upon hundreds of pitches, few of which will ever rate serious importance. That while the ones numbering relationships, potentially on the fingers of one hand, have only those few pitches to consider. So obviously each seems to mean a whole lot more... the problem is that most anybody is prone to over-correcting when something means so much.

HereNorThere Established Member

HereNorThere

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We encode our memories with emotion. In fact, they are more the essence and feeling of a moment than they are an actual hard drive, direct digital recollection. The same reason why men come back from war with PTSD is the same reason everyone is so scared and jaded. Some people figure out how to take the sting out of the memory or ride out the waves of pain in search of something, some sit around and take the abuse, some develop intimacy issues and have a hard time trusting again.

 

Although it may not be you who cheated on her, you could show her what a true friend and romantic partner does and be patient, transparent and help her heal.

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