Teamsideshot Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 I have been dating this girl for about 1 month. We have gone out roughly 8 times with a wide variety of activities. After taking her home yesterday, we sat and were talking and she brought up the infamous "Where is this all heading" conversation. I kinda panicked and said that I really enjoyed spending time together with her and am looking forward to doing it more and getting to know her better. She agreed with this but said, that eventually down the road, she is looking for a relationship and not just "spending time together". Later on that evening, we were texting and she told me that she really likes me and wants to get to know me even better as well. I took this moment and asked her is she would feel comfortable moving forward and she replied "I don't know. Would you be ok if I gave it some though and I hope you don't take it the wrong way". Well of course....I did take this the wrong way, but there are also some factors involved as well. She has an eight year old daughter and this past weekend I did ask her if she wanted to bring her with us when we went to the aquarium. She said that it was too soon for that...so I'm hoping that this is the reason for her thinking about it statement about moving forward. She normally texts me in the morning before she heads off to work and I have yet to here from her today....so I am thinking that maybe I have scared her off or am I just being paranoid???? Any input would greatly be appreciated re this. I think I love this girl, but I don't enjoy being strung along.
bubbaganoosh Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 When there is a kid involved, you have to make allowances for that. Her top priority is her daughter and by bringing her into a relationship that is only one month in the making is way too early. When My daughter was eight, I met who was to become my second wife and she and I dated for three months before I even mentioned her to my daughter. My daughter was the one that asked if I had a girlfriend and when I told her that I was dating someone, she asked her name and basic things. Then one day I asked if she would want to meet her and she said yeah, so I called my girlfriend and we all went out to dinner and they met but I never pushed the issue. In your situation, give it a bit more time and understand that this little girl has a dad and now she will be seeing Mom with another guy and that has to be something that needs to go on the slow side. Patience my friend.
sen2us1965 Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 Just a woman's perspective, when we have children we have to take all things into consideration. Just because she failed to text you once doesn't mean a thing. Give her a little time.
Gaeta Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 After 8 dates the only concern that can be discussed here is exclusivity. It's the only next step. Maybe she interpreted the next step as introducing her child, which is way too early. Next time you speak if I were you I would tell her you will allow any time she feels necessary before introducing her child. There are many other steps for you 2 to work on before getting there. About the morning text don't worry. She likes you, she's not going to stop liking you just like that.
ThorntonMelon Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 What everyone said is correct, but you need to be a little careful here. She pushed the conversation and then for whatever reason needed to take a step back. I am not saying you did anything wrong (you didn't) or she did anything wrong (she didn't). But something in that conversation changed her mindset a little bit. You're not wrong to question not getting the morning text. It means something, just you don't know what it is yet. Hold her to the same standards you'd hold a child-less woman to, but understand you're #2 and to be with her, that's OK.
WhatASituation Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 I disagree with everyone's assessment that you have to be #2 in someone's life who has a child. It's apples to oranges to me as you're in a different realm than the child is. Naturally some time is going to be devoted to the child and you may not be part of that time-spending but your SO should be #1 just in a different way. I'm saying this as a father too! Anyway, it's still early, and she may actually be a little "freaked out" for her feelings for you which is causing a self-analysis on how she can "integrate" you into her life as she understands it today.
Assasda Posted July 22, 2014 Posted July 22, 2014 The thing is, she is the one that wants to do the "moving forward" talk not you. When you called her and you did that, you were playing the woman role, and it turned her off. My advice is, never mention it, and keep on going out with her
Mrin Posted July 22, 2014 Posted July 22, 2014 Man ribs is one of those better be careful what you wish for moments. I kinda feel like she's pretty raw emotionally. On the one hand you got played for an ego trip. That's the worst case. But on the other it could be simply her trying to sort out her emotions. At any rate - you didn't do anything wrong. Just give her some time.
Author Teamsideshot Posted July 23, 2014 Author Posted July 23, 2014 I just wanted to thank everyone who responded to my question! Since Sunday, we have talked a bit more about this and it seems that she is really into me, but does not want to rush too quickly into anything. We both are not seeing any other people and have agreed to take things slower and do it right without introducing her daughter or my children into it for a while. This "Take It Slow" thing took me back a bit and I was thinking that it really meant that she really wasn't all that interested in much more, but we have been intimate, I've met her friends, she's rather affectionate with me in public and so on. She is off to the beach for vacation with her family tomorrow and wants me to stop over at her place tonight to say goodbye. Guess I was just being paranoid with all of this, but I've been burned and tossed aside so many times in the past that it's hard not to be these days.
Gaeta Posted July 23, 2014 Posted July 23, 2014 I just wanted to thank everyone who responded to my question! Since Sunday, we have talked a bit more about this and it seems that she is really into me, but does not want to rush too quickly into anything. We both are not seeing any other people and have agreed to take things slower and do it right without introducing her daughter or my children into it for a while. This "Take It Slow" thing took me back a bit and I was thinking that it really meant that she really wasn't all that interested in much more, but we have been intimate, I've met her friends, she's rather affectionate with me in public and so on. She is off to the beach for vacation with her family tomorrow and wants me to stop over at her place tonight to say goodbye. Guess I was just being paranoid with all of this, but I've been burned and tossed aside so many times in the past that it's hard not to be these days. That sounds great
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