lonley scotsman Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 (edited) The girl i thought i would spend the rest of my life with has gone and i'm in pieces. We had been together 2 years,and were even talking about kids,i was in such a happy place,i thought we were good,i even nearly blurted out a drunken proposal after too much champange at new year! I thought we were perfect for each other,we hardly ever argued,her sister was friends with mine,and they often all went out together,we shared the same intrest in fitness,she worked at my local gym as an instructor,but we both also enjoyed a good sat night out. I work offshore in the oil and gas industry,so i am away quite a lot,i didnt think this was an issue,although we did get a puppy together and i know she found it hard working full time and looking after the dog when i was away,but i told her if it was ever an issue,that we could rehome the dog,her being happy was the most important thing to me,and i was prepared to sacrifice anything to make that happen. Things started to go downhill after i returned home from a trip offshore,it was her birthday while i was away,so the night of my return i took her out for a meal,everything was going great,i thought we were having a good time,after a few post meal cocktails i suggested going home,i wanted spend some quality time with her,and also see my dog,she accused me of being boring,which i found hard to understand,we had a couple more drinks,then she came back from the bathroom and said that she had got speaking to a girl in the toilet and suggested that we go and join her and her boyfriend for drinks. I was a bit shocked and unhappy at this,it was supposed to be a birthday meal,just the 2 of us,i had been looking forward to spending time with her,and she wanted to go and spend the evening with a couple of strangers,i told her this and she accused me of being boring again,so we joined the couple and had a few drinks,! i just sat there stunned as they chatted,i just wanted to go home,the other couple left eventually and during this point i asked WTF was going on,she said there was things she wasn't happy about and that lots of things has to change,i was shell shocked! i hadn't seen this coming! We went home and had a massive argument,i was hurt and confused,i thought everything was good,we hadn't even been arguing or anything,in the morning we talked,she said that she had been feeling a bit fed up,and that sometimes she just felt like a lodger in my house,i was still stunned but we talked it out and i reminded her that if there was something bothering her,that she should tell me so i could try and put things right. Things were never the same again,our sex life went to once a week at best,she appeared to be spending more time out the house and see'ing her friends more,or was it just me being paranoid? either way i was becoming insecure about our relationship. Three weeks later,we were on seperate nights out when i bumped into her in the casino flirting with some guy at the bar,she was on a works night out,but here she was just him and her,no work mates to be seen,i asked her WTF was going on,she said her workmates had went to a nightclub,but she didnt want to go,she said the guy used to work with her,my gut feeling was that there was something going on,the guy left us to it,i was very drunk and prob overreacted,all my insecurities that had been building up over the weeks came pouring out and i accused her of being up to something, told her we were finished and stormed off home. She moved her stuff out the next day,i was regretting losing my temper,i told her i didnt want her to leave,but she left anyway. We still get on,she comes round to see the dog and we have a laugh and a joke,which makes it all the more frustrating,i consider myself a good guy,i treated her right,made her laugh,took her on holidays,i dont understand it,i think she's making a big mistake,she said she would see what happens after some time to herself,i'v been hanging on in there for a month,trying to win her affections back,but i asked her out for a bite to eat yesterday and she declined,so thats that,over,maybe she's meeting someone new,she said she wasn't but i'll wait and see,it will come out eventually if she is,i just unfriended her on facebook,and have to say it felt good,no more creeping her page trying to work out whats going on. The house feels so empty though and the thought of her with another guy turns my stomach,no matter how much i try i cant get her out my head,i thought she was the one,i thought we'd have a family one day. Im 37 single with no kids,i feel like such a loser thanks for reading Edited July 21, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Remove bold and add paragraphs
FredJones80 Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 Sorry buddy, sounds like she might have another man. Or have one in her eye. "Time to herself" Bad sign. How many other arguments have you had when she had to move out and have "time to herself" Not much to be said apart from, sorry pal 1
bubbaganoosh Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 I think it's time to move on. The sooner the better. She wants to play the field for a while and there's nothing you can do to stop her and the last thing you want to be is a pest. If you unfriended her on FB then go the distance and get her out of your system and by talking to her and having her come over isn't going to help. All that does is re open a wound your trying to heal. 1
Author lonley scotsman Posted July 21, 2014 Author Posted July 21, 2014 (edited) thanks for the replies, I have gone NC now,she can see the dog when i'm away. Whether or not she has a new man,only time will tell, I should have gone NC straight away,but its difficult,especially when you think there might be a small chance of getting back together,i guess im struggling a bit because we were getting on,no arguments,or pissing each other off nothing, I know NC is the right thing to do,its just so dam hard Edited July 21, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
mightycpa Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 (edited) I'll tell you what happened. While you've been out on the rig, or visiting the upstream offices, she's gotten bored and horny sitting at home and watching TV. She apparently decided to do something about this, and figured out she could have a great time without you around. When you came home, you fell back into the old pattern - you wanted to spend some nice quiet time with her at home, and she's still sick of being quiet at home. I get the feeling you could have made a different impression if you had taken her out on a whirlwind night of drinks and dancing and some serious hole-poking. But you didn't; you wanted to go home and hang out with her and the dog. I suspect your big mistake was that you didn't ask her what she wanted to do. You did what you thought would be nice. It was, but it wasn't what she wanted from you. You represent "old and boring" to her, she wants someone she can carouse with and feel "new and exciting" with. She's got the itch, and she's decided to scratch it. There are two kinds of lovers who spend a lot of time apart - those that can't have enough time with each other, and those who have separate nights out, as in, the time they already spend apart isn't enough, let's have a little more. In her mind, you've already proven to her that life is more fun without you than with you. It will be almost impossible for her to change this impression of you now that she has it, even if it is unfair. If you travel a lot, you might want to find somebody who is of a temperament to deal with separation the way that you deal with separation. Being there counts a lot, and you have chosen a line of work that handicaps you in the relationship arena. EDIT : I just read your update, good for you! Edited July 21, 2014 by mightycpa OP response while posting
Author lonley scotsman Posted July 21, 2014 Author Posted July 21, 2014 I'll tell you what happened. While you've been out on the rig, or visiting the upstream offices, she's gotten bored and horny sitting at home and watching TV. She apparently decided to do something about this, and figured out she could have a great time without you around. When you came home, you fell back into the old pattern - you wanted to spend some nice quiet time with her at home, and she's still sick of being quiet at home. I get the feeling you could have made a different impression if you had taken her out on a whirlwind night of drinks and dancing and some serious hole-poking. But you didn't; you wanted to go home and hang out with her and the dog. I suspect your big mistake was that you didn't ask her what she wanted to do. You did what you thought would be nice. It was, but it wasn't what she wanted from you. You represent "old and boring" to her, she wants someone she can carouse with and feel "new and exciting" with. She's got the itch, and she's decided to scratch it. There are two kinds of lovers who spend a lot of time apart - those that can't have enough time with each other, and those who have separate nights out, as in, the time they already spend apart isn't enough, let's have a little more. In her mind, you've already proven to her that life is more fun without you than with you. It will be almost impossible for her to change this impression of you now that she has it, even if it is unfair. If you travel a lot, you might want to find somebody who is of a temperament to deal with separation the way that you deal with separation. Being there counts a lot, and you have chosen a line of work that handicaps you in the relationship arena. EDIT : I just read your update, good for you! Hi,thanks for the input, It wasnt like she was sitting at home when i was away,she would go for night's out with my sisters when i was away,or go round for a few glasses of wine,i purposely asked my sisters to take her out,so she wouldnt be bored,i didnt have a problem with her going out with her friends when i was away, the seperate nights out occured because of a late invitation to a wedding reception i recieved 3 days before the event,she already had her works night out planned on that night,so we agreed that we would meet up later. I thought after 4 weeks away some "serious hole poking" was what we wanted,i had spent £160 on cocktails for us both before i said i'd wanted to go home! I'm defo not a boring guy! i whisked her off to vegas for 10 days for a fun/drink fuelled holiday,we had a great time, i guess the fire just went out on her side,but its driving me nuts thinking if i had done things diffrently,would we still be together? I belive,relationships have high and low points,feelings can come and go,passion can come and go,but it was her lack of willingness to try and work on that,thats really pissed me off, i'v accepted that we are done,and that its time to move on,i just find it weird,because right up until the end,even after the end i could still make her laugh and have a good time with her.
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