d'Arthez Posted March 2, 2005 Posted March 2, 2005 Originally posted by iceisles Apparently she is not ready for a relationship right now and asked if we could just be friends. What do I care? I've got a new love interest now, and as far as I'm concerned, her ship has sailed. If she thinks I'll still be around when she has her head straight, she is wrong. I can't wait for Saturday. Be honest then to her now. And don't keep her as a backup plan.
Author iceisles Posted March 2, 2005 Author Posted March 2, 2005 Originally posted by d'Arthez Be honest then to her now. And don't keep her as a backup plan. I'm one step ahead of you, my friend. Here is my letter to her: Hey, Thanks for telling me how you feel about things. I am certainly happy to remain friends. I understand that you're not ready to date right now - I was that way for quite awhile following my breakup. We are certainly at different places in our lives right now. I am looking for someone who is ready to fully commit to me, and I am confident that I'll be able to accomplish that. After a rough few months, I'm looking forward to entering this new phase in my life. I do appreciate your candor during what I know is a very challenging time in your life. I am looking forward to building on the solid friendship that we have. Talk to you soon, * Dave *
Author iceisles Posted March 3, 2005 Author Posted March 3, 2005 Man, I am beat today. I stayed on the phone with the new girl until 2:45 AM, and I had to be up at 6:30! Talk about the things I will do for romance. Lol. We had a really great conversation and found out a lot about each other. I see a lot of potential here, and judging by her willingness to stay on the phone until the early morning, I'm hoping she does also.
Bronzepen Posted March 3, 2005 Posted March 3, 2005 Originally posted by iceisles Man, I am beat today. I stayed on the phone with the new girl until 2:45 AM, and I had to be up at 6:30! Talk about the things I will do for romance. Lol. We had a really great conversation and found out a lot about each other. I see a lot of potential here, and judging by her willingness to stay on the phone until the early morning, I'm hoping she does also. That's great! Just don't over do it. Keep a little mystery about youself. Remember all you've learnt. Don't be clingy or over analyze any situation with her. Be very clear with her about what kind of relationship you want. I am happy for you Ice. Keep us posted.
Author iceisles Posted March 3, 2005 Author Posted March 3, 2005 Originally posted by Bronzepen Be very clear with her about what kind of relationship you want. We were both very clear what we want - a serious relationship. She's 28 and a few months removed from a 5-year marriage. She is doing remarkably well considering what that guy did to her. She just want someone who is open, honest, and has an appreciation of relationships. I really feel that I can offer that. As of now, we are hanging out Saturday, will be going to see REO Speedwagon (yes, they are still alive) in a couple of weeks, and will be checking out a Kenny Chesney concert next month. Right now, it's so far so good. However, I've had high hopes many times before. Hit the archives and you'll see a stack of threads full of my unfulfilled dreams. Maybe this one will be different.
nicki Posted March 3, 2005 Posted March 3, 2005 how fun! this sounds promising. it's great that you have lots of hope. i know you must be a true romantic at heart...ahhh (a guy after my own heart!) please remember to take it S-L-O-W, which is hard to do when you are having a fun time with someone new. i've learned not to get too wrapped up in the first few blissful months. just enjoy and take notes on what kind of person she reveals herself to be...and if it's in-line with what you want...she sounds great, though, definite about plans, etc....not at all wishy washy like the other one... i'm so glad you are having some fun. you deserve it!
Author iceisles Posted March 4, 2005 Author Posted March 4, 2005 Despite both of us being sleep deprived, we spoke for another four hours last night - this time online. We seem to be able to communicate like we've known each other for a long time. I feel very comfortable talking to her and vice versa. She was quite flirtatious, saying I have a nice voice and that my hair will look really good with the highlights in. She also commented numerous times about how much we have in common, and I must say it's pretty cool to have someone to discuss music, movies, sports, etc. with. She also hinted about hanging out my place this weekend. When she said she was going to watch "The Apprentice" last night, I casually mentioned that I was Tivoing it, to which she responded, "Maybe I can watch it this weekend?". So of course I asked if she wanted to watch it with me and she said yes. I thought it was pretty impressive that she was willing to miss one her favorite shows to talk to me, much less wanting to hang out with me to catch it this weekend. So far, things seem to be going well (for a change), but I'm not getting my hopes up. I've come close to the pinnacle on other occasions before awkwardly tumbling down the mountain.
Author iceisles Posted March 6, 2005 Author Posted March 6, 2005 Last night's date went very well. She showed up an hour late, but it didn't mess our plans up much. We had a really nice conversation over dinner, then a caught a movie, then came back to my place to watch TV for a couple of hours. She left around 2 AM. We spent much of the date joking around and cuddling up together, which was really nice. She also initiated a REALLY nice kiss (on the lips) at the end of the night. I really like her, and it was nice to spend the evening together. However, when I asked if I could see her again, she was less than definitive. She responded with "I'm sure we could do that" but added "I'm not really looking to rush into anything right now". Even though she's recently out of a 5-year marriage, I took the latter to mean that she's not really that into me. I'm usually pretty good at gauging such feelings. I really don't expect there to be a second date, and while I liked her a lot, I've gotten used to these one hit wonders. At least we had fun for a few hours. Regarding the original girl that started this thread, she banged her ex Friday, thoroughly regretted it, and has decided that she doesn't want him back. I predicted that like yesterday's news.
nicki Posted March 7, 2005 Posted March 7, 2005 yup, you called it right....sometimes that's what it takes to know it is truly over. so, what does she want from you now? how do you feel about her?
Author iceisles Posted March 7, 2005 Author Posted March 7, 2005 Originally posted by nicki yup, you called it right....sometimes that's what it takes to know it is truly over. so, what does she want from you now? how do you feel about her? She wants to be with me now but I don't know what to do. I really like the new girl more. This isn't a fun position to be in.
nicki Posted March 7, 2005 Posted March 7, 2005 if you want to, you could date them both for a while... yeah, i'm sure you hate having to chose between two women!!
Author iceisles Posted March 8, 2005 Author Posted March 8, 2005 This is tough. She cares about me more than any other girl ever has, but I've had trouble adjusting to her Bipolar disorder. When she starts putting up walls and doesn't want to talk about things, our relationship has struggled. I know that I won't adjust to her overnight, but sometimes I question if I'll be able to at all. She is really sweet and I would hope that I could.
blind_otter Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 Being around and dealing with someone with bipolar mood disorder is really hard. I suggest you google some info to help deal with the situation.
Author iceisles Posted March 8, 2005 Author Posted March 8, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter Being around and dealing with someone with bipolar mood disorder is really hard. I suggest you google some info to help deal with the situation. I know folks with Bipolar often have difficulty maintaining relationships, and I've done a fair amount of research on it. I am going to stick with her for awhile and see if I can adjust. I will never walk away from someone who cares about me like this.
blind_otter Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 But there is a lot you can learn about how people who are loved ones of those with bipolar can cope with the disorder themselves, in how they interact with others....it can be super tough. Is she on meds? If so, I would caution that maintaining a relationship may nearly be impossible.
Sckott Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 Agree. People on mediaction for that cannot sustain emotional excitement. It's serious highs and lows even for those who seem even-keeled. She'll fall in love with you, she might even be serious...but she will fall out in the long run, sometimes even when things are going quite well.
d'Arthez Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 You cannot know, blind_otter and Sckott. First of all, there are two classifications Bi-polar personality disorder I & II. Bi-polar disorder has varying degrees, from the extremele sexual nymphomaniac, to the person you'd barely notice having the disorder. The medicines bi-polar people get, are often very strong, and can seriously mess one's head. The best indicator for relative stability is everyday behavior. And risks exist in every relationship.
Author iceisles Posted March 8, 2005 Author Posted March 8, 2005 Originally posted by d'Arthez You cannot know, blind_otter and Sckott. First of all, there are two classifications Bi-polar personality disorder I & II. Bi-polar disorder has varying degrees, from the extremele sexual nymphomaniac, to the person you'd barely notice having the disorder. The medicines bi-polar people get, are often very strong, and can seriously mess one's head. The best indicator for relative stability is everyday behavior. And risks exist in every relationship. I think she only has a mild case of it. I believe a lot of her depression is more the result of being lonely and having a stressful job than it is a direct result of the disorder. She says that if we were together, she would work on becoming more aware of her cycles and try and prepare me accordingly. Right now, I don't think it's a problem, but I have to be careful. One problem is that the medication that REALLY works for her also has the dreaded side effect of weight gain, and she refuses to take it for that reason.
blind_otter Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 Originally posted by d'Arthez You cannot know, blind_otter and Sckott. First of all, there are two classifications Bi-polar personality disorder I & II. Bi-polar disorder has varying degrees, from the extremele sexual nymphomaniac, to the person you'd barely notice having the disorder. The medicines bi-polar people get, are often very strong, and can seriously mess one's head. The best indicator for relative stability is everyday behavior. And risks exist in every relationship. Don't you get all defensive and irritable with me, D'. I grew up with a bipolar mother. Sometimes she would be great - hell, for months at a time she would be "OK" to deal with, and meeting her then you would have no idea. Then, she would go *completely insane*.....everyone would suffer. If you met her at one or the other time you wouldn't even physically be able to recognize her. Her weight would fluctuate sometimes by 20 lbs. in 6 months or so, because on a manic episode she would not eat.....in short, bipolar is not something that should go untreated. The medication to treat it is serious intense medication for a reason. This is not some disorder that can be self-medicated against, or self-cured.....in training they actually caution against patients who do this....
d'Arthez Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 Remember, if she has a mild case, the effects of the medicine could be detrimental. That depends on the severity of the case, and the specific medicine she does get. Treatment is of course preferred. What medicine does she get? I was taught that Lithium actually reduced appetite, but increased thirst. Added: it sounds like your mother has the more intense variation of the disorder, blind_otter. These must absolutely be treated. Bipolar I Disorder--Diagnostic Features (DSM-IV, p. 350) The essential feature of Bipolar I Disorder is a clinical course that is characterized by the occurrence of one or more Manic Episodes or Mixed Episodes. Often individuals have also had one or more Major Depressive Episodes. Episodes of Substance-Induced Mood Disorder (due to the direct effects of a medication, or other somatic treatments for depression, a drug of abuse, or toxin exposure) or of Mood Disorder Due to a General Medical Condition do not count toward a diagnosis of Bipolar I Disorder. In addition, the episodes are not better accounted for by Schizoaffective Disorder and are not superimposed on Schizophrenia, Schizophreniform Disorder, Delusional Disorder, or Psychotic Disorder Not Otherwise Specified. . . . Bipolar II Disorder--Diagnostic Features (DSM-IV, p. 359) The essential feature of Bipolar II Disorder is a clinical course that is characterized by the occurrence of one or more Major Depressive Episodes accompanied by at least one Hypomanic Episode. Hypomanic Episodes should not be confused with the several days of euthymia that may follow remission of a Major Depressive Episode. Episodes of Substance- Induced Mood Disorder (due to the direct effects of a medication, or other somatic treatments for depression, a drug of abuse, or toxin exposure) or of Mood Disorder Due to a General Medical Condition do not count toward a diagnosis of Bipolar I Disorder. In addition, the episodes are not better accounted for by Schizoaffective Disorder and are not superimposed on Schizophrenia, Schizophreniform Disorder, Delusional Disorder, or Psychotic Disorder Not Otherwise Specified. . . .
blind_otter Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 Depakote has pretty intense weight gain side effects, I've heard. I did put on weight on depakote, before, and I take twice the dose of a bipolar patient.
Author iceisles Posted March 8, 2005 Author Posted March 8, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter Depakote has pretty intense weight gain side effects, I've heard. I did put on weight on depakote, before, and I take twice the dose of a bipolar patient. She wants to find a solution (medication or otherwise) that won't result in weight gain. I am encouraging therapy, something she highly doubts will help her. With the work I do, I see it does help lots of folks.
blind_otter Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 Originally posted by iceisles She wants to find a solution (medication or otherwise) that won't result in weight gain. I am encouraging therapy, something she highly doubts will help her. With the work I do, I see it does help lots of folks. Well therapy is good, it doesn't do much for a chemical imblance, although she can learn cognitive behavioral techniques to apply to her disorder to learn how to cope better. Better to gain weight, IMO, than ride teh rollercoaster, though.
d'Arthez Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 As far as I am aware, and with a bit of searching the web for information, there exists a form of Depakote, which slowly releases the working ingredient. It seems that it also prevents weight gain. Check out if these medicines are available for her. They might be quite expensive. Blind_Otter: average doses of Depakote are 1500 mgs a day, low doses are 1000 mgs a day.
blind_otter Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 Originally posted by d'Arthez As far as I am aware, and with a bit of searching the web for information, there exists a form of Depakote, which slowly releases the working ingredient. It seems that it also prevents weight gain. Check out if these medicines are available for her. They might be quite expensive. I don't know who'se fantasy that idea was....weight gain and depakote go hand in hand, I know one lady that put on 100 lbs!!! No JOKE! That said, I would still rather be a mentally stable hippopotamus than a skinny crazy person. Also, if the normal dose is 1500 mg/day, I wonder why the doses come in 100, 250, and 500 mg pills? Because then you would be taking like 15 100 mg. pills a day and that just doesn't seem right. I dunno. I didn't get my info off the web, I got it from my aunt and uncle who have doctorates in pharmacy. Mr. grandiose ego.
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