Bronzepen Posted February 28, 2005 Posted February 28, 2005 Originally posted by iceisles Though she knew we shouldn't be talking, she e-mailed me this morning to see if I was ok, because I was pretty upset last night. I thought that was pretty sweet. My friends say that my chances with her look good but that I have to allow her time to sort things out in her head. However, I made it very clear to her that I don't want to hang out, date etc., unless she is ready to commit herself to me 100%. As long as her heart is in two places, we shouldn't talk. I like her a lot, but I'm going to start looking elsewhere. I am entering a new phase in my life where I'm looking for someone to be serious and settle down with, and clearly she is a long way from that right now. You did the right thing Ice. Your intentions are clear now. You want a girlfriend, not a friend.
nicki Posted February 28, 2005 Posted February 28, 2005 I know what you mean. I've found out that there are people out there who are ready-made. No assembly required. No education necessary. No drama. How refreshing! What a nice surprise to date someone like that. Everything flows easily, without a lot of expended energy.
Author iceisles Posted February 28, 2005 Author Posted February 28, 2005 Originally posted by Bronzepen You did the right thing Ice. Your intentions are clear now. You want a girlfriend, not a friend. I'm learning slowly. Maybe one day I'll get on the right track.
Bronzepen Posted February 28, 2005 Posted February 28, 2005 Originally posted by iceisles I basically just want someone who wants me right here and right now. No drama - period. There has to be someone out there who is ready for me. It seems like all I'm ever doing is moving on because people don't have their acts together or because they have so many strings attached to them that it's just not worth it. Just remember my advice for future courting. You won't get yourself beatup so much then. Good luck IceIsles.
Author iceisles Posted February 28, 2005 Author Posted February 28, 2005 Originally posted by Bronzepen Just remember my advice for future courting. You won't get yourself beatup so much then. Good luck IceIsles. Thanks, Bronze. I suppose I am a glutton for romantic punishment.
Bronzepen Posted February 28, 2005 Posted February 28, 2005 Originally posted by iceisles Thanks, Bronze. I suppose I am a glutton for romantic punishment. Hey, just think of all the material you have now for song writing. Don't give up on love because love never gives up on anyone.
Author iceisles Posted February 28, 2005 Author Posted February 28, 2005 Originally posted by Bronzepen Hey, just think of all the material you have now for song writing. Don't give up on love because love never gives up on anyone. I go through periods where I will give up, then get a burst of confidence, date a few people, have it fall apart, and then the cycle repeats. It's been predictable lately. But I do have more material for new songs - in fact, I just busted this one out over coffee this morning: A Lost Heart One heart is stuck Frozen between two directions She can't forget her past lover But a future friend is sometimes mentioned Nothing seems to make sense Love's cards lay face down on the table There don't seem to be any answers Yeah, she tries but just isn't able To tell which one is right One only cares, one only fights It's a lost heart reaching out On another cold night Chorus: Yeah, her heart's lost And needs answers at any cost Her head is spinning Which one's losing, which one's winning Maybe a lover's end Will be a friend's start It looks like only time Can fix a lost heart End Chorus It's so hard not talking But she knows how it is He can't keep being friends When he wants more than this It's such a rocky road Being in this situation Having to choose between love Balancing lust and tempation If she had a crystal ball It wouldn't be any better One heart would still be lost And one would be broken forever Repeat Chorus Yeah, she's doin' her time Keepin' them on her mind But there are moments she feels tossed Upon love's ocean is a heart that's lost Repeat Chorus Yeah, maybe a lover's end Will be a friend's start It looks like only time Can fix a lost heart [Fade] Copyright, 2005
Bronzepen Posted February 28, 2005 Posted February 28, 2005 Originally posted by iceisles I go through periods where I will give up, then get a burst of confidence, date a few people, have it fall apart, and then the cycle repeats. It's been predictable lately. But I do have more material for new songs - in fact, I just busted this one out over coffee this morning: A Lost Heart One heart is stuck Frozen between two directions She can't forget her past lover But a future friend is sometimes mentioned Nothing seems to make sense Love's cards lay face down on the table There don't seem to be any answers Yeah, she tries but just isn't able To tell which one is right One only cares, one only fights It's a lost heart reaching out On another cold night Chorus: Yeah, her heart's lost And needs answers at any cost Her head is spinning Which one's losing, which one's winning Maybe a lover's end Will be a friend's start It looks like only time Can fix a lost heart End Chorus It's so hard not talking But she knows how it is He can't keep being friends When he wants more than this It's such a rocky road Being in this situation Having to choose between love Balancing lust and tempation If she had a crystal ball It wouldn't be any better One heart would still be lost And one would be broken forever Repeat Chorus Yeah, she's doin' her time Keepin' them on her mind But there are moments she feels tossed Upon love's ocean is a heart that's lost Repeat Chorus Yeah, maybe a lover's end Will be a friend's start It looks like only time Can fix a lost heart [Fade] Copyright, 2005 You certainly have a gift for writing songs. Very good.
Author iceisles Posted February 28, 2005 Author Posted February 28, 2005 Originally posted by Bronzepen You certainly have a gift for writing songs. Very good. Now I just need a gift for getting women...
miso Posted February 28, 2005 Posted February 28, 2005 Originally posted by miso iceisles i just have to say, i did do a little bit of skimming somewhere around the centre, from some things you have said i get the impression you are often in this kind of a predicament. now heres what i think, you are treating this girl (and maybe others) like she is an idiot, saying things like i will have to sell myself whilst blah blah (cant remember) anyway do you think she has no clue what you are up to. the sad truth is that most people in the world in fact pretty much everyone will not refuse a freebie if they are offered one. you have been totally giving this girl all the support she needs and whilst she is having to work a tiny bit for it it isnt exactly hard labour is it now?? all she has to do is flutter her pretty little eyelashes a bit, look a bit puppy eyed and your heart melts, oh well i'll show her what a kind lovely person i am i mean she is so upset because her bf is treating her bad she must really need someone like me to come along.....well she does need someone like you to come along, thats true, but she aint gonna fall for you mate, she knows your game, only trouble is, you dont know hers she knows everytime you say thats it i am gona keep away, she knows what you are hoping for, she knows she can keep you in there, she knows she can get you running back i'm not saying it wasnt genuine when she missed you etc, it was, you see she really does think of you as a really good friend, she really does love you, but that is all she thinks of you as she is not a bad person so dont be angry with her, i mean at least she genuinely likes you as a friend, what have you been hanging around being oh such a wonderfull friend for SO MY ADVICE TO YOU IS: KEEP THIS GIRL AS A FRIEND AND BE A GENUINELY GOOD FRIEND TO HER, GIVE IT A BREAK IF YOU CANT MAKE THAT TRANSITION YET IN ALL FUTURE ATTEMPTS AT WOOING, BE A CHALLENGE OKAY? WHILST MEN LIKE GIRLS TO BE A CHALLENGE TO GET INTO THE SACK, GIRLS LIKE MEN TO BE A CHALLENGE TO GET EMOTIONALLY YOU CAN SLEEP WITH THEM ALL YOU LIKE BUT DONT OFFER THEM HUGE AMOUNTS OF EMOTIONAL SUPPORT TOO EASILY SO KEEP THIS GIRL AS A FRIEND BUT MAKE IT MORE GIVE AN TAKE, WHILST SHE CRYS ON YOUR SHOULDER AND TALKS ABOUT HER PROBLEMS WITH THIS GUY, YOU CAN ASK HER FOR TIPS ON HOW WOMEN REALLY THINK i am sorry to be so harsh with the truth but it is the equivalent of, hes just not that into you its best to know and just deal with it originally posted by ME iceisles, i give dam good advice, dont ignore me
d'Arthez Posted February 28, 2005 Posted February 28, 2005 Bronzepen, I must admit I would not have responded to you, hadn't you put up this nonsense. Originally posted by Bronzepen Nor does it imply that it is a problem for her. We don't know. Don't lump all people with bi-polar together. You don't know this person, I don't know this person, Iceisles knows this person but he is not even sure himself. That's why I tell Iceisles not to bring her bi-polar disorder to the forefront. There is nothing he can do about. The bi-polar is a problem for her. She may not believe it is a problem to her, but that in no way implies that it is not a problem for her. She must have gotten the diagnosis somewhere, which is at least implying she tried to get help for her problems. And given her sexual behavior, I would not dare say it is not a problem. Unless you would consider it normal for a 22-year old girl to sexually behave in the way she does. Read his other posts, and you know a bit more about that. Your argument basically is, if you can't do a thing about it, ignore it. If something is true of girls who suffer from this disorder, is that the disorder and its effects must not be ignored. These girls are extremely susceptible of being used as female sex-toys. That is exactly what Iceisles suspected the ex was doing with her. That is what he is also risking by LC. I understand his reasons, respect his choice, but he should not be too surprised if something happened to her which is not to his liking. Oh please, spare me the crucification because of a typo and who's to say I am a boy?? Maybe or maybe not. Who started complaining about my bad wording about the tenth inning? You. And you made this grammatical error in your post. Twice. What's wrong with feminism? Well there is the right form of feminism and the stupid form. So you naturally assume I am one of the "stupid form." You could have called me at least a stupid feminist. It would have clarified things. Where is the relevance? I stated you had 2 dimensional thinking because you have a "this way or that way" of thinking. One way is right and one way is wrong. You stating that I have 1 dimensional thinking made no sense, it had a juvenile remark ala high school. Marcus's point seems to be that if societies can learn to use technologies in ways that benefit citizens, instead of restricting them, then the problems of humans will be solved. I don't see the relevance to what we are talking about. Of course you don't see the relevance, as you don't make sense of Marcuse's thought. I suggest you study his books again, if you want to make sense of his thought. What you said he seemed to think according to you, is almost the last thought he would defend. If you actually would have read a word he wrote, you'd know at least that. Two dimensional thinking is negative, one dimensional thinking is positive. If you have any understanding of philosophy, you must understand which is to be preferred. Now I see where you got bent all out of shape. You equated my "emotional baggage" statement with her bipolar disorder. You misinterprete my meaning. I was telling IceIsles not to deal with her problems and issues with her ex. Her constantly complaining, whining, crying about him, is an emotional baggage that he should not have to deal with. He wants to date her not hear about her ex. For me, that's emotional baggage. Bi-polar disorder is simply that, a disorder. This is something that she has to live with and there is nothing IceIsles can do about it. Even though Iceisles heard about the ex, it was literally in his own words a couple of minutes only each day. Given the 90 minutes talks, and the fact that she recently broke up with her ex, it did not seem like totally devastated about it. No, you are mistaken with regards to the cause of the so called confusion. You simply don't grasp that the bi-polar disorder can have a lot of consequences. Outside of what goes on in her mind. And what do you think the effects of a disorder are? We are talking about psychological personality disorders here. Could it be that a psychological personality disorder can actually cause (psychological) emotional difficulties and issues? Applying logic to this, would simply mean, that you'd advice anyone with a dating interest to avoid anyone who has emotional baggage. Logically the people to avoid have been cheated on, have been sexually assaulted, have suffered bad breakups, or suffer from personality disorders. Et cetera. So in short, you gave the advice to date an emotional virgin.
Bronzepen Posted February 28, 2005 Posted February 28, 2005 Originally posted by d'Arthez Bronzepen, I must admit I would not have responded to you, hadn't you put up this nonsense. The bi-polar is a problem for her. She may not believe it is a problem to her, but that in no way implies that it is not a problem for her. She must have gotten the diagnosis somewhere, which is at least implying she tried to get help for her problems. And given her sexual behavior, I would not dare say it is not a problem. Unless you would consider it normal for a 22-year old girl to sexually behave in the way she does. Read his other posts, and you know a bit more about that. Your extrapolating again. You don't know anything about her except the few bits of information that was provided by IceIsles. For some 22 year old girls, yes it is normal to behave that way. Who are you to judge? Your argument basically is, if you can't do a thing about it, ignore it. If something is true of girls who suffer from this disorder, is that the disorder and its effects must not be ignored. These girls are extremely susceptible of being used as female sex-toys. That is exactly what Iceisles suspected the ex was doing with her. That is what he is also risking by LC. I understand his reasons, respect his choice, but he should not be too surprised if something happened to her which is not to his liking. Must not be ignored?? What do you want IceIsles to do? Treat her ailment, counsel her, be her doctor?? IceIsles is aware of how her ex treated her and any "good natured" person will not take advantage of her, knowing her disorder. As IceIsles is doing. Who started complaining about my bad wording about the tenth inning? You. And you made this grammatical error in your post. Twice. I didn't complain (you sure like to put words in peoples mouth). You have a very negative personality. You take anything anyone says as a personal attack on you. You didn't use bad wording, you just said something that wasn't true. There is no overtime in baseball because there is no clock on baseball. You only get extra innings. I made a spelling error. So you naturally assume I am one of the "stupid form." You could have called me at least a stupid feminist. It would have clarified things. You sound very prejudice. Of course you don't see the relevance, as you don't make sense of Marcuse's thought. I suggest you study his books again, if you want to make sense of his thought. What you said he seemed to think according to you, is almost the last thought he would defend. If you actually would have read a word he wrote, you'd know at least that. Uh, no. Here is a simple synopses of Marcuse's One Dimensional Man. Please clarify. http://home.cwru.edu/~ngb2/Authors/Marcuse.html Two dimensional thinking is negative, one dimensional thinking is positive. If you have any understanding of philosophy, you must understand which is to be preferred. ????? Where did you goto school? Where did you get that ignorant notion? Can you provide some sort of source to this fallacy? Even though Iceisles heard about the ex, it was literally in his own words a couple of minutes only each day. Given the 90 minutes talks, and the fact that she recently broke up with her ex, it did not seem like totally devastated about it. No, you are mistaken with regards to the cause of the so called confusion. You simply don't grasp that the bi-polar disorder can have a lot of consequences. Outside of what goes on in her mind. And what do you think the effects of a disorder are? We are talking about psychological personality disorders here. Could it be that a psychological personality disorder can actually cause (psychological) emotional difficulties and issues? Applying logic to this, would simply mean, that you'd advice anyone with a dating interest to avoid anyone who has emotional baggage. Logically the people to avoid have been cheated on, have been sexually assaulted, have suffered bad breakups, or suffer from personality disorders. Et cetera. So in short, you gave the advice to date an emotional virgin. Your logic is warped. You've formed a conclusion with no foundation. Of course, everyone has had some kind of problems in their life. Now try to follow me on this. One thing is to have problems, another is to constantly complain, cry, whine, mope, etc... one's problem to someone else on a continual bases. Here is where the emotional baggage comes in. Who want's to deal with that on a day to day basis? I mean, for pete sake get some help, don't come to me. There is not much I can do except point you to the nearest phone to call a psychologist or counselor. If and a big if, as you say, her problem is derivative from her bi-polar disorder then her first priority is to help herself by getting counseling and being on meds. So my advice is to date someone without emotional baggage meaning whining and complaining.
Author iceisles Posted March 1, 2005 Author Posted March 1, 2005 I wonder who will crack first here. If I miss talking to her a lot, this must be driving her crazy. I hope the message is coming across, though. She was online a lot yesterday, likely just waiting for me to sign on. Of course, I was invisible the entire time.
EC Posted March 1, 2005 Posted March 1, 2005 Of course, I was invisible the entire time. Now its good that you are not speaking to her and your not waiting around for her but I mean don't sit there and torture yourself either. The way to make this easier is by going, out meeting other girls, LET her know that you do NOT need to wait around for her to come around. It'll make you more interesting to her. Do it for yourself as well, You know what I mean don't sit there in invisible and stare at her screename and start thinking damn I miss her, why hasn't she imed me, what is she thinking. You going to drive yourself nuts.
Author iceisles Posted March 1, 2005 Author Posted March 1, 2005 Originally posted by EtErNaLlYCoNfUsEd Now its good that you are not speaking to her and your not waiting around for her but I mean don't sit there and torture yourself either. The way to make this easier is by going, out meeting other girls, LET her know that you do NOT need to wait around for her to come around. It'll make you more interesting to her. Do it for yourself as well, You know what I mean don't sit there in invisible and stare at her screename and start thinking damn I miss her, why hasn't she imed me, what is she thinking. You going to drive yourself nuts. Who said I was torturing myself? Last night, I was talking to two new girls I met recently. I love how all of you always say, "go out and meet other girls" like it's the easiest thing in the world to do. Since I've left college, it's become a LOT harder. And I would go out to places if I had folks to go with. I'm at the age now where most of my friends are married and I have to make reservations weeks in advance to see them. I'm doing fine, but I don't forget about solid people that quickly. Good opportunities don't come that often, and I will stick around in the game until the scoreboard shows triple zeros.
nicki Posted March 2, 2005 Posted March 2, 2005 yup, it is hard to meet women when you (and they) are working, having busy adult lives. i think we all mean just put yourself in the game. flirt with women at the grocery store, book store, restaurants, wherever....send out the radar that you are available...(if you send it, they will come.... ) maybe by putting your energy out there, your heart will hurt a little less while you are seeing how it all plays out with this woman and her ex. you don't even have to date anyone if you don't want to. but i hope you won't feel committed to this woman just yet. she doesn't deserve all of you at this point. by the way, i think she will crack first....
Author iceisles Posted March 2, 2005 Author Posted March 2, 2005 Originally posted by nicki by the way, i think she will crack first.... I think so, too - especially since I'm talking to someone right now. She seems really nice, but it's too early to tell if anything will develop. I am keeping all options open, as I can no longer afford to sit on eggs that may never hatch.
EC Posted March 2, 2005 Posted March 2, 2005 Who said I was torturing myself? Last night, I was talking to two new girls I met recently. I love how all of you always say, "go out and meet other girls" like it's the easiest thing in the world to do. I'm sorry ICE I didn't mean to upset you by what i said I just got from this quote.....I wonder who will crack first here. If I miss talking to her a lot, this must be driving her crazy. I hope the message is coming across, though. She was online a lot yesterday, likely just waiting for me to sign on. Of course, I was invisible the entire time. That you were just sitting at home on invisible waiting to see if she'll IM you. Sorry. I know its hard to just go out and meet people. But now you are talking to a new girl right? Whats her story? whats she like?
Author iceisles Posted March 2, 2005 Author Posted March 2, 2005 Originally posted by EtErNaLlYCoNfUsEd But now you are talking to a new girl right? Whats her story? whats she like? She's a very sweet girl - we share similar personalities. Very laid-back, honest, and genuine. We have a lot in common when it comes to music, movies, and sports, and we have both recently suffered the travesty of a recent heartaches - with hers being the end of a 5-year marriage. She actually stopped by last night with a friend and hung out for a half-hour or so. We seem to like each other and she accepted my offer to catch a movie this weekend, pending a quick check of her schedule. The good thing about meeting her last night at my place is that it will make the first date a lot easier - a lot of the potential uneasiness was lifted by seeing each other. And not that looks matter a lot to me, but she is one of the most gorgeous women I have ever had the privilege of meeting. I'm trying to not get my hopes up, though.
Author iceisles Posted March 2, 2005 Author Posted March 2, 2005 She wants to do the dinner and a movie thing Saturday, so of course I'm game for that. I also commented that I wanted to get blonde highlights in my hair, and she offered to do them for me. What an awesome girl.
nicki Posted March 2, 2005 Posted March 2, 2005 Yes, she sounds like she could be a ready-made woman, no assembly required... She wants to give you highlights?... she's interested -- and she wants to touch you! Go and have a great time. Of course, let us know all the details....
Bronzepen Posted March 2, 2005 Posted March 2, 2005 Originally posted by iceisles She wants to do the dinner and a movie thing Saturday, so of course I'm game for that. I also commented that I wanted to get blonde highlights in my hair, and she offered to do them for me. What an awesome girl. Thumbs up for you Ice.
Author iceisles Posted March 2, 2005 Author Posted March 2, 2005 Originally posted by nicki Yes, she sounds like she could be a ready-made woman, no assembly required... She wants to give you highlights?... she's interested -- and she wants to touch you! Go and have a great time. Of course, let us know all the details.... She called me tonight. Since my attention is focused elsewhere right now, I'll talk to her. Obviously she couldn't handle not talking to me for three days. As for the other girl, she was enthusiastic about doing my hair. She also seems pretty excited about getting together this weekend. I would love her to be a "ready-made woman", but I've had many start our that way and turn out to be very high maintenance.
Author iceisles Posted March 2, 2005 Author Posted March 2, 2005 Apparently she is not ready for a relationship right now and asked if we could just be friends. What do I care? I've got a new love interest now, and as far as I'm concerned, her ship has sailed. If she thinks I'll still be around when she has her head straight, she is wrong. And if she thinks she can still call every night, she is mistaken. I'm not going to pay the price for her not having any other friends. I may talk to her once or twice a week. That's it. I'm moving forward, with or without her. I can't wait for Saturday.
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