abby_tx Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 (edited) I started seeing a guy a month ago. Everything is going wonderfully. I know people say not to mention exes to a new partner, but I feel like that's hiding a huge chunk of my past and what helped mold me into the person I am today. I was with one ex from age 22-29. How much of this should I tell him?? All he knows is I had one "really serious" relationship and some shorter ones. Edit: I also wonder if its too soon to mention some more serious stuff like my mom's million health problems and why I visit her so often. Edited July 21, 2014 by abby_tx
Biscous Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 I try to avoid it, but it's bound to happen. Provided you don't dwell on it I think it's fine and you have to be thankful about your past experiences because they may make you better for the next person.
Author abby_tx Posted July 21, 2014 Author Posted July 21, 2014 I try to avoid it, but it's bound to happen. Provided you don't dwell on it I think it's fine and you have to be thankful about your past experiences because they may make you better for the next person. I definitely don't dwell on it. He cheated on me, but I have no hard feelings and look back at the good times we've had. I am actually just thankful for what happened because it did make me into a better person and led me to this amazing guy I'm with now.
JungleLover Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 I think it is generally a good idea to avoid going into too much detail. Too much information can influence and affect someone you are dating in a negative way. Just for example, if you tell me that you let your ex hit you or cheat on you multiple times, then it may open you up to judgement from a boyfriend standpoint and thoughts of what might I be able to get away with in our relationship. It is probably too soon to go into too much detail with your mother's health problems. I would let things get off the ground well first.
Elle1975 Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 I definitely don't dwell on it. He cheated on me, but I have no hard feelings and look back at the good times we've had. I am actually just thankful for what happened because it did make me into a better person and led me to this amazing guy I'm with now. Say exactly that and nothing more. And I really would not bring it up unless he asked. Don't drag your old relationship into your new one. I know those years spent with your ex mattered, but you're brand new to this guy; don't go spoil everything with your "baggage".
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 Most people want to know that you're well and truly over your ex. I have asked my boyfriend things about his ex wife but very sparingly because I kinda like to pretend that he doesn't have one ( I know it sounds really immature). I was single for 11 years so, I don't like to talk about my ex at all because it was 11 darn years ago! The most important thing is the two of you, you can talk about it, but really? do you want to? I mean they were in an out of your life for a reason. I would mention a few things but not too many because what matters is the relationship you have now, not the one you once had.
Biscous Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 I hate when women ask me how was sex like with my exes or try to delve into their personalities a bit. That is when comparison starts and it isn't conducive to the relationship at hand. 1
acrosstheuniverse Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 There's usually a talk near the beginning, a few weeks or couple months in, where we talk about past relationships a little (how serious, how long, REALLY simple reason for why it ended) and then dribs and drabs as the relationship progresses. I would find it hard to focus on a new awesome relationship if the guy kept bringing his ex up or even if I had so much detail I felt like I'd been with them both the whole time... best to just leave it and focus on the new relationship. Also you know, and I know, that this ex of yours was a big part of your life and helped shaped you into who you are. But if I were the new guy I would maybe think you weren't over him completely or you were idealising him a little if outta nowhere you started talking unwarranted about how he made you into who you are. It's not true anyway, he didn't, YOU made you into who you are, you should be proud of that. 3
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