aqualicious Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 (edited) Hi everyone, I am having a hard time with a breakup. My first boyfriend and love of two years just dumped me out of the blue 2 weeks ago. He showed up at my house and said that he wanted to break up because he felt that he had fallen out of love, was no longer motivated, and loved me but in a different way. This really hurt and I was balling. A week before we broke up, he said that we were solid and that we weren't going to break up anytime soon. We hung out about a week before and had so much fun together, we even had sex. Then I went out of town and came back to this. He said that he asked two of his friends for advice about us. One of the friends just had gotten dumped and the other is a horrible guy. He said that his friends made him realize that he is only 20 and he has a whole life ahead of him. He told me "I want a clean break", "Maybe we can be friends". I asked him if he wanted me to date other guys and he said that eventually I was going to find a man who would treat me better than he could. He said he didn't deserve me. He kissed me on the head and gave me a really long hug before leaving with tears in his eyes. Of course, the next two days after he dumped me I tried calling him and messaging him constantly crying and angry. He kept saying that we can't talk and that we aren't going to work out. I gave him space for two days. Then I was upset and facebook messaged him asking a few questions. We were supposed to go to a concert and the tickets were under his name the following week and ended up not going. I also noticed that he was tagged in a post on Facebook by some girls that he works with about going to dinner and a movie. I confronted him about it in the Facebook message and he said that they had made the plans before we broke up. I believe him. I also told him about how I was upset and that I lost 7 lbs. I had trouble eating the two days after this happened. I am doing better now though and eat every meal. I also told him I have a lot of his stuff at my house. He said that he would get it eventually. That was the end of the message. Then I got upset and was reading old texts where he said that he would 'never stop loving me for 1000 years'. I sent him a picture of one of them on facebook and he never responded. So I didn't talk to him for a few days and then texted him asking if he sold our concert tickets because I wanted my money but he sent me one word texts saying "no". 2 days later he texted me first, saying that he didn't' sell them. Then he said he wanted his stuff back that I had at my house. He wanted me to give them to my friend who is dating his. Long story short, me and that friend got in a fight after he dumped me because she was telling everyone at work that I got dumped. I confronted her maturely over text and she flipped out saying she didn't want to be friends anymore. Anyways that's another story. He texted back saying "Rough". and that was it. So fast forward a few days I read a book called "Men are from mars, women are from venus" and realized the wrongs in our relationship. I think that when we were dating, he always felt like he wasn't good enough for me and that nothing he could do would please me. I got upset because he would never send me 'good morning texts' or send me flowers or make dates for us. I think I expected too much from him and didn't let him chase me. He eventually gave up and stopped trying, which caused me to nag him. I was so excited after reading this book because it made the wrongs in our relationship make sense. I couldn't wait to call him and tell him everything and fix it. WRONG. It didn't work. I tried calling him and he did not want to talk on the phone or in person. I said, "There are some things I need to talk to you about" over texting and he said that he didn't think it was a good idea and texting was fine. So I went off on a large text telling him everything and asking him to reconsider us. He just said that it wasn't gonna work and that I need to stop texting him. That was the last that I heard from him. So tonight I was bored, and thought it would be funny to make a Tinder and see what it is. I was scrolling through people and he popped up. It felt like I was stabbed. He had pictures of us on his Tinder!! Why would he put pictures of us on there? Why would he make a Tinder? I can't even think about him talking to other girls. I don't know what to do. I want him back. I truly feel like we are meant to be. I just don't understand why he didn't think we could fix things and work it out. He's all I can think about and he's all I see everywhere. I just feel so sad and lost. I'm trying to do No Contact, but it seems like he is trying to do NC himself. Anyone have any words of advice? I just want him back. This feels like a bad dream. Edited July 21, 2014 by aqualicious
flitzanu Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 unfortunately there is nothing you can do to make him "fall back in love" with you. he's told you how he feels and that he is done, and now telling you he doesn't want you to text him anymore. the best thing for you to do now is to block him on every social media site you use so you don't keep seeing him pop up, and to stop contacting him and go NC to heal. 1
Author aqualicious Posted July 21, 2014 Author Posted July 21, 2014 unfortunately there is nothing you can do to make him "fall back in love" with you. he's told you how he feels and that he is done, and now telling you he doesn't want you to text him anymore. the best thing for you to do now is to block him on every social media site you use so you don't keep seeing him pop up, and to stop contacting him and go NC to heal. So how long do I go NC? What if he contacts me?
Toddbt12y1 Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 The unfortunate truth in life, is that some people fall out of love. He did. Whether his intentions are dubious or not, it doesn't matter. Fact is, it is over between you two. Chasing him with texts, looking him up or anything else, will never bring him back. No books you read, simply: Nothing. There is nothing you can do. No, it is not your fault. My advice to you, is for you to stop doing what you are doing now, and look at yourself carefully, and measure what you are doing - to yourself. The moment he broke up with you, and wanted no contact with you (obvious from his actions), this no longer became a him and you thinv, just a you thing. Now is the time for you to focus on you. Rebuilding your broken heart, and becoming a stronger you. You miss him so, as this is a fresh relationship with a few years behind it; you love him, it is all understandable... Still, forget the you and him. You need to be a strong woman, who is stronger than this...resist contact with him or other. No contact is meant to heal -- yourself. Not meant to bring anyone back, really absence doesn't always make the heart fonder. Instead, re socialize yourself. Live your life as you used too, before the breakup, before you were with him. Be happy with you. Do those things you have wanted to do for a while. But above anything, drop contact. He doesn't care...Nor should you. Regardless of how he felt in the relationship, as it won't change a thing. Now is the time for You.
irresolute Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 Stop. Please stop. You're acting desperate and crazy. Slow down for a minute. The guy doesn't want yo have anything with you. The guy wants you far, far away. He doesn't even want to see you or even talk to you on the phone. You should see this and try to stop contacting him. Please go no contact. There's nothing at all you can do. He's chosen not to be with you and you haven't respected his decision so far. Start right now. No more stalking or calling or making tinder accounts or trying to contact him in any way. This is over and you should start healing but before healing you should understand that he broke up with you,he doesnt love you anymore, and it's over. I'm really really sorry this is happening to you.
hoping2heal Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 I'm sorry for your loss Aqua, I know that for you this feels like "the one" and "meant to be", but the problem there is that it takes two people to be in a relationship, and only you has those feelings about it. This guy has moved on, of course it hurts to re-read old lovey messages. I'm sure he thought he meant it when he said those things. It's painful and difficult, but you have to face the fact that its real. He doesn't want to get back together, and all signs point to "he's over it". Doesn't mean he doesn't care for you as a person, but the romantic love is gone.
David87 Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 So how long do I go NC? What if he contacts me? You keep doing NC until you reach indifference( 1 or 2 years minimum) If he contacts you, ignore.
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