Rexxy Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 Hey guys, I've recently been going on dates with this girl and we're coming up to our fourth one. I had a bad habit of texting too much and waiting for her responses then continually asking her questions that ultimately lead no where, instead I should of been setting up a date a letting the anticipation build up during the week with hardly any texting. She was getting a little bit distant so I decided to try out some texting guides I've been reading. My goal was to back off from texting entirely until she imitated the conversation and once she did initiate the conversation I'll keep it straight to the point of setting up a date and no small talk. In 2 days she messaged me and this is how it went: Her: Hey I'm sorry I didn't let you know, this weekend was a bit crazy Me: all good, I had other plans anyway. How was your weekend? Her: Oh ok, was good thanks and yours Me: Was fun. let me know what days your free next week though Her: Will do What'd you land up doing? Me: on friday we had a crazy night in the city, and on sat I went to a mates house with a few people Her: That's nice Ok so i decided not to ask any questions back and keep it as simple as possible, now I'm just going to wait until she tells me what days she is free and organize a date at my house. Do you think I'm improving or doing it wrong?
JungleLover Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 now I'm just going to wait until she tells me what days she is free and organize a date at my house. Well this whole "now I am just going to wait" approach is not the best way to approach this. You want to drive this thing, especially since her interest in you is not a burning one. Now you are playing this waiting game. I would have called her up and asked her out on a specific date and went from there. You can tell a lot from how she responds to the offer and know how to proceed from there. I am not sure if you are ready for the home date yet. She has to really be feeling you to accept this one and you don't want to risk a cancellation so early in the dating. 4
mammasita Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 If you want to talk to her, then text. Don't hold back because you think it's what she wants. Be yourself.
Author Rexxy Posted July 21, 2014 Author Posted July 21, 2014 Well this whole "now I am just going to wait" approach is not the best way to approach this. You want to drive this thing, especially since her interest in you is not a burning one. Now you are playing this waiting game. I would have called her up and asked her out on a specific date and went from there. You can tell a lot from how she responds to the offer and know how to proceed from there. I am not sure if you are ready for the home date yet. She has to really be feeling you to accept this one and you don't want to risk a cancellation so early in the dating. Well she only backed off with the texting side of things because I was giving her way to much attention virtually. The physical side is really strong, we make out, hold hands, have conversations. Tt the end of the every date it always gets to the point where we can both feel the sexual desire with each other but we are never in the right place to move things on because she lives 40 mins away and it just doesn't work. So I need to be closer to home to make it work. I think I just take texting too seriously as an indication of their interest level.
aprilisi Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 I hate texting, it's quite tricky. You don't want to back off too much cause she may think you're not interested and pulling the slow fade. And if she's thinking the same way as you it will go nowhere. On the other hand you can't bambard her with messages. That can be a major turn off. But as a female, I think you handled this well. You showed interest and it should be clear to her its her move. To let you know when she's free.
Author Rexxy Posted July 21, 2014 Author Posted July 21, 2014 I hate texting, it's quite tricky. You don't want to back off too much cause she may think you're not interested and pulling the slow fade. And if she's thinking the same way as you it will go nowhere. On the other hand you can't bambard her with messages. That can be a major turn off. But as a female, I think you handled this well. You showed interest and it should be clear to her its her move. To let you know when she's free. Ball is in her court now We'll see what she says back. By the way, she always responded to everything I said but sometimes it took her a while to reply and their were less emoticons. I'm only new to this so I'm probably thinking completely wrong about the whole texting thing and over-reacting.
JungleLover Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 Ball is in her court now We'll see what she says back. By the way, she always responded to everything I said but sometimes it took her a while to reply and their were less emoticons. I'm only new to this so I'm probably thinking completely wrong about the whole texting thing and over-reacting. Until you are in an official relationship with a woman, the ball is always in your court. You have to take the lead and be the driving force to getting her to be your woman some day. Leaving the ball in her court is a weak approach. Men often never see the ball again with this approach. 5
Author Rexxy Posted July 21, 2014 Author Posted July 21, 2014 Until you are in an official relationship with a woman, the ball is always in your court. You have to take the lead and be the driving force to getting her to be your woman some day. Leaving the ball in her court is a weak approach. Men often never see the ball again with this approach. We'll see.
Assasda Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 We'll see. Youre absolutely correct, the ball is in her court. If I were you I'd set up times to go out without her. Dont rest on her every word
Author Rexxy Posted July 21, 2014 Author Posted July 21, 2014 Youre absolutely correct, the ball is in her court. If I were you I'd set up times to go out without her. Dont rest on her every word Yeah I usually set the date up straight away but its only monday over here and no one really knows whats happening on the weekend this early. So in order for her to somewhat pursue me I asked her to tell me what days she was available when she knew her schedule, therefore she'll have to initiate the next message while I sit back and relax haha I know she'll respond eventually because she is always honest with me and lets me know whats going on. I've got to start acting like I'm the one with more value that isn't always too available. I need to put my goals first and her after them for now. But your right, it's in her hands now and if she never replies then I'll move on to the next girl. Better now than later 1
angel.eyes Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 (edited) Until you are in an official relationship with a woman, the ball is always in your court. You have to take the lead and be the driving force to getting her to be your woman some day. Leaving the ball in her court is a weak approach. Men often never see the ball again with this approach. I agree. I like confident guys, so I move on to the next. OP, you're assuming you operate in a vacuum. Until you're exclusive or have been dating a while, what you have is tenuous at best. You probably aren't the only guy playing on her court. While you sit on the sidelines "building your value" after a couple of dates and tentatively waiting to see if she might toss you the ball, other guys are actively trying to engage her in play. Good luck with that! Edited July 21, 2014 by angel.eyes 1
Gaeta Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 My goal was to back off from texting entirely until she imitated the conversation and once she did initiate the conversation I'll keep it straight to the point of setting up a date and no small talk. That would lead me to believe a man is not into me at all. If I am the only one initiating contact there won't be a following date. There is a difference between harassing her on text and being a boring rock on the other side of the phone. Stop playing games. 4
TigerLilly78 Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 That would lead me to believe a man is not into me at all. If I am the only one initiating contact there won't be a following date. There is a difference between harassing her on text and being a boring rock on the other side of the phone. Stop playing games. Agreed and the part of the crazy night out in the city and then hanging out with friends wasn't needed ether almost makes you feel like the OP was tying to make her jealous or something eh I hate games this is why so many fail in dating these days I think cause its all a game to them..also doesn't anyone pick up a phone anymore? 1
JungleLover Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 I agree. I like confident guys, so I move on to the next. OP, you're assuming you operate in a vacuum. Until you're exclusive or have been dating a while, what you have is tenuous at best. You probably aren't the only guy playing on her court. While you sit on the sidelines "building your value" after a couple of dates and tentatively waiting to see if she might toss you the ball, other guys are actively trying to engage her in play. Good luck with that! Exactly. If I was a guy on the same court, I would not even allow the OP near the ball. He'd be wondering what ever happened to her while the ball was in "her court." I would make sure she was too busy with me to get back to playing with him. Do not assume you are the only one playing with her. There are passive guys out there and there are the more aggressive guys when it comes to attracting women. The aggressive guys are not waiting around for the woman to get back to them to set up the date. You have to string thingss along. After each date, have something else in mind for the next one and so on. Keep it afloat and going higher and higher. It is worth saying again, unless you have a solid 10 dates under your belt, you have nothing. No matter how much you have kissed and touched each other over 4 dates, it takes a good number of dates and being with each other for someone really start to become attached to you to the point where it is not so easily to break away from you. You are not there yet, man. Your progress thus far is "tenuous at best." I am not trying to burst your bubble or anything, OP, but I have learned from these same mistakes many times over the years.
Themanwithaplan Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 OP- The ball is in her court. We live in the 21st century, not the 1930's. Social norms have evolved and a confident woman who knows what she wants is just as attractive as a confident man who knows what he wants. Would you really want to pursue someone that has several men playing on "her court" anyway? No men I know want to be "daddy" in the relationship, and if they do, it's usually because they're possesive or needy. It's important to make sure she knows you're interested and to be pro-active, but no, don't initiate all the texts. Don't initiate all the calls. Your instincts are probably right, go with the flow. 1
angel.eyes Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 Exactly. If I was a guy on the same court, I would not even allow the OP near the ball. He'd be wondering what ever happened to her while the ball was in "her court." I would make sure she was too busy with me to get back to playing with him. Do not assume you are the only one playing with her. There are passive guys out there and there are the more aggressive guys when it comes to attracting women. The aggressive guys are not waiting around for the woman to get back to them to set up the date. You have to string thingss along. After each date, have something else in mind for the next one and so on. Keep it afloat and going higher and higher. It is worth saying again, unless you have a solid 10 dates under your belt, you have nothing. No matter how much you have kissed and touched each other over 4 dates, it takes a good number of dates and being with each other for someone really start to become attached to you to the point where it is not so easily to break away from you. You are not there yet, man. Your progress thus far is "tenuous at best." I am not trying to burst your bubble or anything, OP, but I have learned from these same mistakes many times over the years. The bold is precisely how my boyfriend landed me. It's highly attractive...almost intoxicating...when a guy goes for what he wants and lays it on the line without worrying about his ego or whether he might get rejected. That takes a lot of self-confidence! There was no question in my mind, based on his efforts and actions, that he really liked me and was invested in seeing whether we might work together. It was a no-brainer deciding between my BF and the guy I had just begun casually dating at the time, who was playing it "cool." When my BF first asked me out, he didn't realize anyone else was interested, but being a go-getter, he wanted to make sure no one else could have an opportunity. That's been my observation and experience. Guys who take the lead and are more aggressive about keeping the momentum going tend to be in relationships. Guys who are more laid back and tentative, or who play games seem to be plagued with lots of flakes, fade-outs, and lost interest. YMMV. 4
Gaeta Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 OP- The ball is in her court. We live in the 21st century, not the 1930's. Social norms have evolved and a confident woman who knows what she wants is just as attractive as a confident man who knows what he wants. A confident woman is not going to waste time with a man that never initiates contact. It's important to make sure she knows you're interested and to be pro-active, but no, don't initiate all the texts. Don't initiate all the calls. Your instincts are probably right, go with the flow. This is where OP is failing. His intention is to never initiate contact. 2
Mike B. Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 OP- The ball is in her court. We live in the 21st century, not the 1930's. Social norms have evolved and a confident woman who knows what she wants is just as attractive as a confident man who knows what he wants. If you are implying that attracting a woman in the 1930s was somehow different than attracting a woman in 2014, you are terribly mistaken. You don't think women just sat around with a bonnet on their head waiting for one particular man to come after them do you? I know you don't think just owning a farm and a ford back in the 1930s just made a woman wet. 2
beach Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 Why not call her and ask her for a specific night out? Ask her if you can take her out to dinner closer to her home. Make the effort to drive to her place, pick her up and go to dinner. Inviting her to your home makes her drive and insinuates sex - neither one is a good plan at the beginning. Go to her. But call don't text.
slizl Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 The only texting rule that I live by is don't text her a third time without receiving a response. Should be 1 for one, but if it has been a couple of days, I will send out a second. 1
JungleLover Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 The bold is precisely how my boyfriend landed me. It's highly attractive...almost intoxicating...when a guy goes for what he wants and lays it on the line without worrying about his ego or whether he might get rejected. That takes a lot of self-confidence! Yes, some will call this being swept off of your feet while others will call it "the ball being left in your court."
Priv Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 (edited) Just make sure you keep your texts very short and to the point. Here is a helpful list if you want to be economical in your texting, courtesy of our friends at the fbi: The FBI's top internet slang terms: ALOTBSOL = ''Always look on the bright side of life.'' AYFKMWTS = ''Are you f--king kidding me with this s--t?'' BBN = Bye bye no/be back never. BH = Be happy/bloody hell/big head. BIBO = Beer in, beer out. BTDTGTTSAWIO = Been there done that, got the T-shirt and wore it out. DWT = Driving while texting. GKY = Go kill yourself. IHA = I hate your acronyms. IITYWTMWYBMAD = If I tell you what this means will you buy me a drink? ITALY = I trust and love you. JGI = Just Google it. MBA = Married but available. MSR = Mulder/Scully romance. NBSB = No boyfriend since birth. OMA = Oh my Allah. PIMPL = Pee in my pants laughing. SUAKM = Shut up and kiss me. TG = Thank god/transgender. TLA = Three-letter acronym. XYZ = Examine your zipper. YM = Yahoo messenger/your mum. Look here for more info and always ask yourself WWCND OMG! Don't LOL but the FBI has decoded digital slang Edited July 21, 2014 by Priv 1
2sunny Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 Yeah I usually set the date up straight away but its only monday over here and no one really knows whats happening on the weekend this early. So in order for her to somewhat pursue me I asked her to tell me what days she was available when she knew her schedule, therefore she'll have to initiate the next message while I sit back and relax haha I know she'll respond eventually because she is always honest with me and lets me know whats going on. I've got to start acting like I'm the one with more value that isn't always too available. I need to put my goals first and her after them for now. But your right, it's in her hands now and if she never replies then I'll move on to the next girl. Better now than later You could have just asked if she wanted to go out to dinner Friday night. Her answer would be yes or no. I don't think you're being specific enough with her. And planning a dinner at your house would be an automatic NO in my world! That would only indicate you are looking for sex more than making effort to take a gal OUT on a date.
Author Rexxy Posted July 21, 2014 Author Posted July 21, 2014 In all honesty I do feel as if these games I'm playing are counter productive. If I never initiate a text she's going to be feeling pretty down I suppose. But instead of starting a pointless conversation with her like "How was your day?" etc I'll send her a text telling her how I was thinking about our first date when I said something stupid and she couldn't laughing (I'll be more in detail in the message) My heart is telling me to message her but my head is trying to work these games when I know she is already interested in me. The only reason I wanted to start gaming with text is because I couldn't accept that she was too busy this previous weekend to meet up. But she told me exactly what she was doing and where she was, then initiated a text on the sunday letting me know she was sorry she couldn't do something. I now think that I'm pushing this girl away. 1
Author Rexxy Posted July 21, 2014 Author Posted July 21, 2014 You could have just asked if she wanted to go out to dinner Friday night. Her answer would be yes or no. I don't think you're being specific enough with her. And planning a dinner at your house would be an automatic NO in my world! That would only indicate you are looking for sex more than making effort to take a gal OUT on a date. Well I just want to stay at home this weekend because I'm going to be absolutely exhausted. I've a got a boxing fight coming up in 2 weeks and my training has been stepped up a lot and I really need to recover on the weekends until the I've had the fight.
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