miumiu3 Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 are there guys out there who doesn't like to be the one initiating dates/texts? I've been dating this guy who never initiates anything. I was the one who suggested that we go out the first time. he was so excited about it but didn't know where to go so I ultimately made plans for us. then for the other few dates, I had to remind him to set up a date for us and I would have to come up with few options for the date and he would pick a place he wanted to go to. he also rarely initiates texts but always replies right away. at first I thought he wasn't interested in me but he keeps telling me that he is just a really busy guy, overwhelmed by his current work. when I do propose an idea to go out again, he usually does agree to the plan. anyhow, I just wanted to see if there are any guys out there who also is like this, either out of fear of rejection, doesn't know how to plan a date (this guys is inexperienced dating wise and also still lets his mother plans somethings for him) or just doesn't have the time to plan things so you let the girls do the planning? Thanks!
Eivuwan Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 still lets his mother plans somethings for him) or just doesn't have the time to plan things so you let the girls do the planning? Thanks! He hasn't grown up yet. I wouldn't invest too much into this one. 2
Author miumiu3 Posted July 21, 2014 Author Posted July 21, 2014 is he just immature or is it because he's not that interested in me so he doesn't want to invest the time to plan dates for us. he seems to be good at planning meetings for he's work.
Gaeta Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 A lot of men lack imagination. Most men I dated did initiate communication but were really bad at organizing dates. They say something like 'would you like to do something', then I ended up having to come up with what 'that something' was. Guy I had a first date with yesterday said he'd like to do something together again and asked what I'd like to do instead of coming up with a date idea himself. I gave him 4 suggestions and he picked one. I'd say 80% of men I dated were like this. Completely helpless or devoid of imagination when it was time to come up with a date idea. So, if you like this guy make a list of things you'd like to do together and organize them. Some men like women to take charge.
Eivuwan Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 is he just immature or is it because he's not that interested in me so he doesn't want to invest the time to plan dates for us. he seems to be good at planning meetings for he's work. Does it matter? Either way he isn't giving you the attention you want. 2
angel.eyes Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 OP, what did you expect? He's been himself from the very beginning. If you're helping him along by planning the first date and making excuses for basic deficiencies, this is the outcome--a passive, lazy guy with little initiative, sitting around waiting for you (general female you) to plan and organize everything in your relationship. Why is any capable adult man dependent on his mother to plan for him?? There are no surprises here. He showed you who he was from the outset. A lot of men lack imagination. Most men I dated did initiate communication but were really bad at organizing dates. They say something like 'would you like to do something', then I ended up having to come up with what 'that something' was. Guy I had a first date with yesterday said he'd like to do something together again and asked what I'd like to do instead of coming up with a date idea himself. I gave him 4 suggestions and he picked one. I'd say 80% of men I dated were like this. Completely helpless or devoid of imagination when it was time to come up with a date idea. So, if you like this guy make a list of things you'd like to do together and organize them. Some men like women to take charge. None of the guys I've dated have ever been like this. They've been organized. They've researched and planned dates well in advance. They call regularly. They show up on time. But then again, it's who you pick and what you accept from the outset. If they can't get it together sufficiently to plan a first date promptly, they effectively screen themselves out of my dating pool. We aren't a match, and we both move on to people better suited to our personality types, sparing each other unneeded aggravation and frustration from fundamental differences in our expectations. 1
Assasda Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 If you dont mind setting them up, and he doesnt mind going I say you hve a match madde in heaven. I thin I may have that problem, because I'm a seat of my pants kinda guy, and my SO is more of a planner. She loves planning, setting dates in advance and so fourth. That doesnt work for me usually. I dont think its uncommon at all
jay1983 Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 A lot of men lack imagination. Most men I dated did initiate communication but were really bad at organizing dates. They say something like 'would you like to do something', then I ended up having to come up with what 'that something' was. Guy I had a first date with yesterday said he'd like to do something together again and asked what I'd like to do instead of coming up with a date idea himself. I gave him 4 suggestions and he picked one. I'd say 80% of men I dated were like this. Completely helpless or devoid of imagination when it was time to come up with a date idea. So, if you like this guy make a list of things you'd like to do together and organize them. Some men like women to take charge. I can't speak for neither the OP's guy or the guys you've been dating. I know OP and her guy are probably younger. I'm 31 and right now and I'm to a point where I don't initiate contact and it's due to flaking. I don't even set up dates anymore. If she contacts me and asks me anything, I just tell her where I'll be. "I'm going to rice village with my friends on friday, you're welcome to stop by if you like". That's it, I won't make any plans that specifically involve the 2 of us. I know it seems selfish, but it's just much easier for me. If she shows up, cool, if she doesn't, my day doesn't change
d0nnivain Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 If you are always there to do it he has no incentive to make the effort. You have created your own monster. My husband is not a planner. I have a plan & a back up plan for everything. When I try to wait for him I get incredibly frustrated. If you want more effort from a man, give him the chance to make the effort. If you still don't get the results you want you have to face the fact that you might not be compatible.
Versacehottie Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 if you resent it now, think of how much you will resent it down the road. I do think smaller percentage of guys are not the type to initiate even though they are interested. However, if you are just newly dating I think you are picking up on the laziness or apathy about it rather than the "planning". Within lots of established couples the girl is the one who does a lot of the planning. But if you are not his girlfriend yet AND he makes you do all this work, I can see why you have an issue with it. Proven fact: people care about what they have to "work" for. If he has to do very little to make sure he sees you, he is not investing much. Here's a question to ask yourself: hypothetically, can you imagine what he would be like if there was another girl he was interested in but the only way he could date her was to make the effort himself to ask her out? If you believe he would step up to the plate in that case, well then you have your answer. And you should expect more for yourself. My general belief is that guys can and will step up to the plate and ask you out and when they can see you next. I don't think there is any harm in helping plan the details of where to go, etc. But if he's not asking, there's a problem--either with regards to his level of interest or overall maturity. You may be able to deal with it in short term but those issues will usually spell trouble longer term. He is showing you who he is--and who he is in relation to you.
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