JBlackstone Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 (edited) So this morning, feeling a little sad, I decided to text my ex to say that I hope we were on good terms and that I will remember all the good times and hopes he does too. And he didn't respond. Now I feel worse. So if you're thinking of reaching out, don't. For all I know my text could have made him feel worse or it could have made him feel better. Either way it shouldn't concern me. Ughhh this is so hard even though I am 100% sure breaking up was best for me! It still stinks. Edited July 20, 2014 by JBlackstone 1
EmbeddedCortex Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 (edited) Even if they contact you don't respond. My EX texted me and said she loves me and misses me and is sorry. We broke up 2 months ago, were working on this until 1 month ago. I called her back and she said she's seeing another guy (25) she (22) met on Tinder 5 weeks ago - same guy I found out she had slept with while we were trying to work on things. She's like, he cooks for me, calls me beautiful, has a 2 year old, our families have met. So basically I got replaced by a guy from Tinder within 3 weeks of the breakup, and 5 weeks later they're in a relationship. Gee thanks. Edited July 21, 2014 by EmbeddedCortex
JustSomeGuyHere Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 Even if they contact you don't respond. My EX texted me and said she loves me and misses me and is sorry. We broke up 2 months ago, were working on this until 1 month ago. I called her back and she said she's seeing another guy (25) she (22) met on Tinder 5 weeks ago - same guy I found out she had slept with while we were trying to work on things. She's like, he cooks for me, calls me beautiful, has a 2 year old, our families have met. So basically I got replaced by a guy from Tinder within 3 weeks of the breakup, and 5 weeks later they're in a relationship. Gee thanks. That sucks. Not surprising. But that really sucks. My ex is with a girl now, about 4 weeks after we broke up. I found out they were flirting. My ex swore it was a joke and the other girl took it the wrong way. Now I heard how they're posting on Facebook that they're soul mates. Unreal.
EmbeddedCortex Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 That sucks. Not surprising. But that really sucks. My ex is with a girl now, about 4 weeks after we broke up. I found out they were flirting. My ex swore it was a joke and the other girl took it the wrong way. Now I heard how they're posting on Facebook that they're soul mates. Unreal. Yeah. I even told her that is the most rebound sounding relationship ever and why she won't just come back to me. Worst part I was sympathetic to her because she was saying she was having a hard time in life, doing some harder drugs, smoking a lot more..... But she kept saying she's content with this guy, since he can be with her all the time, unlike me (I'm full time grad student)... I put 2 years of hard work, love, and devotion into the relationship, and she replaced me in 3 weeks with a guy from Tinder that called her beautiful...as if I didn't do that every day.
Author JBlackstone Posted July 21, 2014 Author Posted July 21, 2014 It completely boggles my mind that someone can jump into another relationship so quickly. I'm sorry for both of you to experience that. If I found out my ex was dating already, two weeks after the breakup, I'd be feeling all kinds of emotions! If that's even possible, I go through the gamut of depression to being ok so many times a day.
Ben Dover Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 I've been through what all of you are going through right now. Them leaving you then jumping into another relationship right away. It might be a rebound, it might not. Trust me when I say this... be thankful the relationship ended. They already had these dudes lined up waiting for them WHILE you were with them. They were setting it up while they were with you. Trust me. Them having this dude lined up made it easier for them to breakup with you. He's the reason she actually dumped you. Bet if he wasn't waiting for her you'd still be with her. This happens very often. People don't want to have to be single and on their own. They'd rather know they have a safety net ready for em once they break up with you. It's terrible but very common especially with younger couples. BE THANKFUL it ended. You'll see what I mean after doing NC for a few months. You'll look back and say GOOD RIDDANCE. 1
David87 Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 Well some listen to the advice given on LS others learn the hard way.
emotionalMess Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 A couple of Months ago I broke NC (I think) when I sent 3 messages to her from an unblocked Facebook account. The purpose of the messages was to let her know that I agreed to be friends. I only did this because she tried to convince me for 3 months following the split. Facebook showed that she read the messages. She did not respond. She completely ignored. It was a huge silent slap in the face. 2 Months prior, I refused friendship and wrote some dramatic goodbye forever messages and told her that I would block her everywhere. So many would say I pretty much got what I deserved. Meaning, stick to your guns. Don't say one thing and do another. Love screws up all that logical thinking though. The silence was deafening and pretty much just opened a whole new can of worms. Time to open a new can of whoop-ass and move on I guess.
Ordinaryday Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 In the past I have been foolish enough and ignorant enough to respond to breadcrumbs from various dumpers, in the blind hope that they wanted to get back to me. all that ever happened was they would send me a breadcrumb like "hi, how are you" or "happy birthday" and I would respond back hoping to initiate a conversation between us, and my response would get ignored. obviously they were just looking to ease their guilt and as soon as I responded I did that for them so they had no further use for me. never again.
emotionalMess Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 In the past I have been foolish enough and ignorant enough to respond to breadcrumbs from various dumpers, in the blind hope that they wanted to get back to me. all that ever happened was they would send me a breadcrumb like "hi, how are you" or "happy birthday" and I would respond back hoping to initiate a conversation between us, and my response would get ignored. obviously they were just looking to ease their guilt and as soon as I responded I did that for them so they had no further use for me. never again. Unbelievable! More than one dumper did this? That is downright rude and selfish. Like you, I would have been soooo mad. 1
emotionalMess Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 A couple of Months ago I broke NC (I think) when I sent 3 messages to her from an unblocked Facebook account. The purpose of the messages was to let her know that I agreed to be friends. I only did this because she tried to convince me for 3 months following the split. Facebook showed that she read the messages. She did not respond. She completely ignored. It was a huge silent slap in the face. 2 Months prior, I refused friendship and wrote some dramatic goodbye forever messages and told her that I would block her everywhere. So many would say I pretty much got what I deserved. Meaning, stick to your guns. Don't say one thing and do another. Love screws up all that logical thinking though. The silence was deafening and pretty much just opened a whole new can of worms. Time to open a new can of whoop-ass and move on I guess. I mean have the decency to at least say. "its over, please do not contact me". WTF is ignoring all about? Is she holding a grudge because I blocked her? Is she involved with someone and does not want to hurt me? This is why silence is such a cruel act. I was never mean to her. She never once told me to go away forever, she likes to leave me hanging. Well this was my final attempt to have any kind of contact and she knows it. I was just shocked how she could be so cold. I mean, come on, be a woman about it really.
Ordinaryday Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 I mean have the decency to at least say. "its over, please do not contact me". WTF is ignoring all about? Is she holding a grudge because I blocked her? Is she involved with someone and does not want to hurt me? This is why silence is such a cruel act. I was never mean to her. She never once told me to go away forever, she likes to leave me hanging. Well this was my final attempt to have any kind of contact and she knows it. I was just shocked how she could be so cold. I mean, come on, be a woman about it really. Ignoring you is the meanest of the mean. after being dumped cruelly by one girl I wrote this really long nasty letter to her, which I didnt send, but I told my friend that I saved it and on the offchance she ever contacts me with a breadcrumb I would really let her have it, via this letter. my friend told me not to do that, he said all that would demonstrate is that she can still get a response out of me and that I am still hung up on her. I asked him what to do then and he said if she ever contacts me to just flat out ignore the contact. he said that would hurt her more cos ignoring her says that she wasnt even worth the two or three minutes it takes to type out a response to her, that she wasnt even worth 120 seconds of my time. so yeah, she is totally being mean.
emotionalMess Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 (edited) 2 months Prior to me breaking Contact and getting ignored, I told her that blocked her from everything (I did not block phone even thought I said I did). It was possible that she did want to communicate with me and to her, this is similar to being ignored. So maybe getting ignored, is backlash from me blocking her? After she ignored (2 months ago), I blocked her from my phone so she may have attempted contact me but I would not have known. Again, it would have appeared that I am ignoring her. So to be fair, with NC, I have been ignoring her in a sense correct? When I last chatted with her 4 months ago, she was not involved with anyone (at least she said this). I'm tired of blocking crap, I unblocked my phone, I know she wont call or text anyway. Ignoring you is the meanest of the mean. after being dumped cruelly by one girl I wrote this really long nasty letter to her, which I didnt send, but I told my friend that I saved it and on the offchance she ever contacts me with a breadcrumb I would really let her have it, via this letter. my friend told me not to do that, he said all that would demonstrate is that she can still get a response out of me and that I am still hung up on her. I asked him what to do then and he said if she ever contacts me to just flat out ignore the contact. he said that would hurt her more cos ignoring her says that she wasnt even worth the two or three minutes it takes to type out a response to her, that she wasnt even worth 120 seconds of my time. so yeah, she is totally being mean. Edited July 21, 2014 by emotionalMess
SoThatHappened Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 Trust me when I say this... be thankful the relationship ended. They already had these dudes lined up waiting for them WHILE you were with them. They were setting it up while they were with you. Trust me. Them having this dude lined up made it easier for them to breakup with you. He's the reason she actually dumped you. Bet if he wasn't waiting for her you'd still be with her. This happens very often. People don't want to have to be single and on their own. They'd rather know they have a safety net ready for em once they break up with you. It's terrible but very common especially with younger couples. BE THANKFUL it ended. You'll see what I mean after doing NC for a few months. You'll look back and say GOOD RIDDANCE. ^^^ This. A million times this!!! Be thankful it ended. Anyone who can "love" someone and then line up a fall back prior to breaking it off with you for little to no reason, has issues. They can't be alone. They're a vine-swinger. Not someone you want to end up with.
H245 Posted July 22, 2014 Posted July 22, 2014 Even if they contact you don't respond. My EX texted me and said she loves me and misses me and is sorry. We broke up 2 months ago, were working on this until 1 month ago. I called her back and she said she's seeing another guy (25) she (22) met on Tinder 5 weeks ago - same guy I found out she had slept with while we were trying to work on things. She's like, he cooks for me, calls me beautiful, has a 2 year old, our families have met. So basically I got replaced by a guy from Tinder within 3 weeks of the breakup, and 5 weeks later they're in a relationship. Gee thanks. That sucks. Not surprising. But that really sucks. My ex is with a girl now, about 4 weeks after we broke up. I found out they were flirting. My ex swore it was a joke and the other girl took it the wrong way. Now I heard how they're posting on Facebook that they're soul mates. Unreal. I got replaced within 2 months time. She said she was lonely and looking to talk to new people. Total lie. Oh well, good riddance (even though it does hurt a bit)
Author JBlackstone Posted August 13, 2014 Author Posted August 13, 2014 5 weeks post breakup, 3 weeks no verbal contact, although I've been snooping his Instagram daily. I don't want to be with him but that part of me that wants to know what he is up to can't seem to let go. I discovered he just traveled out of state to visit a girl he always claimed was just a friend and she always would reappear when we had issues or were on a break. Clearly she is fallback girl/booty call/ego stroke. Snooping just makes me feel slimy and gross but I can't shake it. I just deleted my Instagram app so I'm hoping this helps. Any tips? I'm kind of trying to make myself feel better that I'm actually taking the time to heal whereas he is just searching for distractions so he doesn't have to face his feelings. Something he seems incapable of, big reason were no longer together.
Philosoraptor Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 If you don't want to be with him why concern yourself with his life? So many better things you can be doing to enhance your own life. Take a hike, learn to paint, volunteer at a nursing home, etc. You need to make your life about you, not about the past. What do you want for you right now? Figure that out and make it happen.
stillafool Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 Is this the girl who is his ex that you were worried about? Either way stop the snooping because it will set you way back. Tell yourself he is going to date other people and he is going to have sex. This way you will know this is what he's doing so there is no need to snoop. Also snooping can't tell you what he is thinking no one knows that but him. Are you still in therapy? 1
shoegal4 Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 JBlackstone - Oh how I can relate to you!! It's almost comforting to hear this. I too, snooped on my ex on Instagram only to find that he too, went to his fallback/booty call/ego boost (great way to describe her by the way lol). It would almost be less hurtful if he found a brand new girl that he was really into it rather than see him again with her. Do you feel the same? I have learned that you just need to find it within yourself to NOT look. You have to NOT care. It's hard though. It was worse in the beginning. Talking to other people and putting myself out there has distracted me to not care so much about his life but....the struggle is real LOL social media is the worst. Try and tell yourself that for three days you won't look. And after the three days, don't give in and give yourself another three days. I tried that, it did work. 1
me85 Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 This is natural. You're feelings are perfectly normal. You did good by deleting your instagram. Though couldn't you have just taken him off of it? I don't use instagram so I don't know how that crap works. My ex has always jumped from RS to RS. It was no different after me. Let them do what they do. It's not a reflection of you. But of them. I've been taking time for myself for a year now. I'm very glad I didn't do what my ex did. I used to though. In the past I would quickly rebound because I really liked being in a RS. Now, I despise them. LOL I've just been hurt too many times. You have to discipline yourself. I'm only on LS, Tinder and FB. And as far as I know he's not on Tinder (or I'd see) or on here (because he'd definitely know who me85 is and flip out over all the things I've posted anonymously about him-HA!) but I blocked him from FB forever ago. He will remain to be blocked. He's blocked on my phone as well so I get no texts or calls. HA! The only thing I can't block him from is my email. /= 1
me85 Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 JBlackstone - Oh how I can relate to you!! It's almost comforting to hear this. I too, snooped on my ex on Instagram only to find that he too, went to his fallback/booty call/ego boost (great way to describe her by the way lol). It would almost be less hurtful if he found a brand new girl that he was really into it rather than see him again with her. Do you feel the same? I have learned that you just need to find it within yourself to NOT look. You have to NOT care. It's hard though. It was worse in the beginning. Talking to other people and putting myself out there has distracted me to not care so much about his life but....the struggle is real LOL social media is the worst. Try and tell yourself that for three days you won't look. And after the three days, don't give in and give yourself another three days. I tried that, it did work. YES. Challenge yourself JBlack!
Author JBlackstone Posted August 13, 2014 Author Posted August 13, 2014 If you don't want to be with him why concern yourself with his life? So many better things you can be doing to enhance your own life. Take a hike, learn to paint, volunteer at a nursing home, etc. You need to make your life about you, not about the past. What do you want for you right now? Figure that out and make it happen. Yes, I have been doing things for myself. I am a yoga teacher and just enrolled in another training due to start in September. I have made some new friends and I am very busy but I also have moments where I am alone, like right before bed, and I get curious. I guess maybe it is my final attempt at holding on
Author JBlackstone Posted August 13, 2014 Author Posted August 13, 2014 Is this the girl who is his ex that you were worried about? Either way stop the snooping because it will set you way back. Tell yourself he is going to date other people and he is going to have sex. This way you will know this is what he's doing so there is no need to snoop. Also snooping can't tell you what he is thinking no one knows that but him. Are you still in therapy? Nope not the ex (although he has resumed public communication with her as well). This girl is another old 'friend'. There were always 3-4 girls from his past that made me feel uneasy. I guess my intuition was right about their intentions. Never underestimate the power of denial. Yes I am still in therapy. My therapist thinks I am handling all of this quite well as she saw me back when we split last year and I was a mess then. Therapy has helped my self esteem immensely, I know now that if I met a guy similar to my ex (dead end job, no goals or drive in life) I would not be attracted to him now because I know I am worth more.
Author JBlackstone Posted August 13, 2014 Author Posted August 13, 2014 JBlackstone - Oh how I can relate to you!! It's almost comforting to hear this. I too, snooped on my ex on Instagram only to find that he too, went to his fallback/booty call/ego boost (great way to describe her by the way lol). It would almost be less hurtful if he found a brand new girl that he was really into it rather than see him again with her. Do you feel the same? . Yes I said the same thing today!! That if it was a random new girl, it would still make me feel icky but it wouldnt be such a stab in the heart because this girl had been an argument topic in our relationship. It makes me think everything was a lie! It's nice to know that I am not alone here. I am actually kind of grateful for this because it is forcing me to really cut ties, I choose to believe it's the universe setting me up for something great!
Author JBlackstone Posted August 13, 2014 Author Posted August 13, 2014 me85: On instagram you can block someone so they can't see YOU but you can still see THEM. I dont have enough self control to not search his username. I think he would die if he found out I was posting about him on the internet! ha I think I also partly snoop because in some weird way I want it to hurt now so I can get over it faster.
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