MittensMcMittens Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 Hello, not sure if this is the right place to post this but here goes... basically, I'm really sick of never getting any attention when i go out with my friends on nights out. Like, every single one of them will get chatted up at least once during the night and i get zilch, nothing, nada. I love my friends and they are all really beautiful and i totally get why guys are into them... but why am I always, always, always the invisible one?! I don't think I'm hideous, I make an effort with my hair and clothes and make-up, the only thing I can think of is that I could maybe lose a little weight but even then I see much heavier girls getting hit on all time. It just like I repel men or at best, I'm invisible. I always have to be the nice girl who stands there while my friends flirt or just chat to guys. I hate knowing that the guys just see me as an obstacle that they wish would **** off so they can get stuck into my mate. Just once, I'd like to be the one who is admired/flattered/ whatever instead of the background girl. I know this is a 'first world problem' but jesus, everybody likes to feel like they're attractive, right? I know its stupid and childish but i hate feeling like the girl nobody wants to ask to dance with at a school disco when im in my mid-twenties! To start with, i should say that i've been in a relationship for the last 5 years so my problem is not that i want lots of male attention because im lonely or looking for someobody and therefore maybe giving off desperate vibes. also, it doesn't help when my friend say ''but you have a boyfriend, why does this annoy you so much?" well because it would be nice to get reassurance that im attractive to more than just one person on the planet! also, it make me worry that if we ever broke up, i'd never find anyone else that was into me. I also want to be clear I love my BF 100% and would never cheat. This is just an issue I have with my self-esteem that is driving me mad lately. Guys, can I ask what would turn you off approaching a girl besides her looks, obviously?
TXGuy Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 Guys, can I ask what would turn you off approaching a girl besides her looks, obviously? The fact that she had a boyfriend and just wanted to be a tease is one thing that would turn me off. 1
Author MittensMcMittens Posted July 20, 2014 Author Posted July 20, 2014 The fact that she had a boyfriend and just wanted to be a tease is one thing that would turn me off. I never said anything about teasing anyone. I'm asking what is it about me that guys for some reason have no interest in even approaching? How would they even know I have a boyfriend anyway, before they approached me? I think I've made it abundantly clear that this is nothing to do with my relationship- it's about my feeling of self-worth/attraction. And plenty if my friends that get hit on have boyfriends too, by the way. I suppose I should clarify that I'm not trying to increase my chances of being hit on- I'd just like to know how to deal with feeling inferior, so maybe my question should be directed at other girls who have felt like this and got over it.
veggirl Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 Maybe it's your body language. Some people have an approachable vibe, some don't. 2
Author MittensMcMittens Posted July 20, 2014 Author Posted July 20, 2014 Maybe it's your body language. Some people have an approachable vibe, some don't. Maybe, but I don't know what I would be doing that's so unapproachable. I'm friendly and nice, maybe a bit on the quiet side... I don't think I'd be giving a vibe that was that different to my friends. I just feel like I've to accept that I'm the 'ugly one' in the group and it's just not a nice feeling, tbh.
TXGuy Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 I never said anything about teasing anyone. I'm asking what is it about me that guys for some reason have no interest in even approaching? How would they even know I have a boyfriend anyway, before they approached me? I think I've made it abundantly clear that this is nothing to do with my relationship- it's about my feeling of self-worth/attraction. And plenty if my friends that get hit on have boyfriends too, by the way. I suppose I should clarify that I'm not trying to increase my chances of being hit on- I'd just like to know how to deal with feeling inferior, so maybe my question should be directed at other girls who have felt like this and got over it. It seems to me that you want to be hit on more when you are on your 'girls night out.' It seems like like the fact that you are not putting yourself in a position that could jepardize your current relationship would be a good thing, not a bad thing. My comment above aside, I would agree with one of the other posters who suggested you might not give off an approachable 'vibe.' Perhaps you do not look like you are 'on the prowl' while your girlfriends do give off that impression.
Author MittensMcMittens Posted July 20, 2014 Author Posted July 20, 2014 It seems to me that you want to be hit on more when you are on your 'girls night out.' It seems like like the fact that you are not putting yourself in a position that could jepardize your current relationship would be a good thing, not a bad thing. My comment above aside, I would agree with one of the other posters who suggested you might not give off an approachable 'vibe.' Perhaps you do not look like you are 'on the prowl' while your girlfriends do give off that impression. Thanks for your response. I suppose it would be nice to get more attention, just because it's flattering and human nature to want to feel attractive to the opposite sex. Of course I'd never jeapordize what I have with my BF, but it's not really about that. If I hadn't mentioned my relationship, maybe that would have been better, as my question is really more about how to cope with feeling jealous/inferior of my friends which is just a crappy feeling. Perhaps it is more a 'vibe' I'm giving out. I'd love to hear from other girls who have previously felt this way and dealt with it. I probably phrased my problem quite awkwardly, so I apologise for the confusion!
gaius Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 It's probably your body language as veg says. Making more eye contact, giving more seductive stares might help. The best solution would be to get less attractive, less outgoing friends though. 1
Author MittensMcMittens Posted July 20, 2014 Author Posted July 20, 2014 It's probably your body language as veg says. Making more eye contact, giving more seductive stares might help. The best solution would be to get less attractive, less outgoing friends though. Well, unfortunately for me, I love my beautiful friends so I won't be giving them up anytime soon! See, I don't want to to be giving any guys stares, eye contact, whatever. I've no interest in other guys. My hooked-up friends still get attention without doing any of this. I suppose I'm just wondering how to stop basing my self worth on how guys see me.
NYC-BigKat Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 Hello, not sure if this is the right place to post this but here goes... basically, I'm really sick of never getting any attention when i go out with my friends on nights out. Like, every single one of them will get chatted up at least once during the night and i get zilch, nothing, nada. I love my friends and they are all really beautiful and i totally get why guys are into them... but why am I always, always, always the invisible one?! I don't think I'm hideous, I make an effort with my hair and clothes and make-up, the only thing I can think of is that I could maybe lose a little weight but even then I see much heavier girls getting hit on all time. It just like I repel men or at best, I'm invisible. I always have to be the nice girl who stands there while my friends flirt or just chat to guys. I hate knowing that the guys just see me as an obstacle that they wish would **** off so they can get stuck into my mate. Just once, I'd like to be the one who is admired/flattered/ whatever instead of the background girl. I know this is a 'first world problem' but jesus, everybody likes to feel like they're attractive, right? I know its stupid and childish but i hate feeling like the girl nobody wants to ask to dance with at a school disco when im in my mid-twenties! To start with, i should say that i've been in a relationship for the last 5 years so my problem is not that i want lots of male attention because im lonely or looking for someobody and therefore maybe giving off desperate vibes. also, it doesn't help when my friend say ''but you have a boyfriend, why does this annoy you so much?" well because it would be nice to get reassurance that im attractive to more than just one person on the planet! also, it make me worry that if we ever broke up, i'd never find anyone else that was into me. I also want to be clear I love my BF 100% and would never cheat. This is just an issue I have with my self-esteem that is driving me mad lately. Guys, can I ask what would turn you off approaching a girl besides her looks, obviously? Um...I guess if she looks standoffish or something I wont say anything but u shouldn't care 'cause all the useless attention from guys cant compare to the right attention from your boyfriend.
Author MittensMcMittens Posted July 20, 2014 Author Posted July 20, 2014 Okay, let's imagine I never mentioned that I was in a relationship... How would people suggest a girl should cope with feelings of inadequacy/inferiority around her friends who always get more attention than her? Like, what if one day- hopefully it would never happen- but I might be single again and then I'd have to cope with being the background girl and I'd have no boyfriend? What then? Seriously, my relationship is irrelevant to this discussion because I don't want to cheat on my boyfriend!!!!!
gaius Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 Well, unfortunately for me, I love my beautiful friends so I won't be giving them up anytime soon! See, I don't want to to be giving any guys stares, eye contact, whatever. I've no interest in other guys. My hooked-up friends still get attention without doing any of this. I suppose I'm just wondering how to stop basing my self worth on how guys see me. Do you have short hair? Maybe there's a simple answer to your problem we don't know about because we don't know you. You can never completely get rid of that. It's always going to hurt if others around you are getting something and you're not. If you don't want to dump the beautiful friends maybe you can work on fattening them up a bit or just hang out with some less attractives while those friends are busy. One of the reasons I hang out here with this crowd.
EngnimaticResponse Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 I never said anything about teasing anyone. I'm asking what is it about me that guys for some reason have no interest in even approaching? How would they even know I have a boyfriend anyway, before they approached me? I think I've made it abundantly clear that this is nothing to do with my relationship- it's about my feeling of self-worth/attraction. And plenty if my friends that get hit on have boyfriends too, by the way. I suppose I should clarify that I'm not trying to increase my chances of being hit on- I'd just like to know how to deal with feeling inferior, so maybe my question should be directed at other girls who have felt like this and got over it. "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission!" You have also been IN A RELATIONSHIP FOR 5 YEARS. Are your "prettier" friends still single? My guess is Yes since they point out the above. So, like they said, what's the problem? You just want verification? Learn to flirt better. But do it in other settings where your girls arn't around. Out shopping for instance. Just don't do it too much when your man is around. And if he still makes a fuss, say "Don't worry that guys are still looking at me, worry when they stop." That will get him thinking.
TheyCallMeOx Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 The problem isn't the fact that guys don't pursue you; the problem is your mentality. Also, there may be some kind of conflict in the relationship (like he doesn't appreciate dat ass like he used to). Ideally, you don't need another man to reassure you; the fact that you've been in a five year relationship is all the reassurance that you need. If I was with a woman for five years, that's a pretty damn good woman. It's not that easy to be committed to a woman for five years when there's always going to be someone more physically attractive. You must have something to offer your significant other. The fact that someone is willing to settle on one person for that extended period of time is, to me, the most flattering kind of reassurance that I can get. I'm f'n hate Katt Williams, annoying as hell, but I do agree with him on one thing when he refers to women & self-esteem: "Bitches need to stop blaming all your problems on us. Stop tellin' a nigga,"You ****ed up my self-esteem". Bitch it's called SELF-ESTEEM! It's esteem of your motha****in' self. How am I gonna **** up how you feel about you simple bitch?" I wouldn't word it like that, of course, but he makes a valid point about self-esteem: it's all about your SELF. Anything you require, such as self-confidence, self-esteem, all comes from the inside. I don't need to be attractive to be self-confident; it's really all in your perspective. Even if I were rejected by thousands of women doesn't mean I have to change my perspective of myself. I don't need validation from women telling me that I look good; I know I look good and, as far as I'm concerned, any woman who rejects me is just missing out on this awesome guy. I'm against polyamorous relationship and all that jazz so I tend to stick with one woman at a time. I don't want every woman to like me; I just want one. Yeah, it's nice to receive compliments. It would be nice to know that a woman finds me attractive enough to set aside gender roles for a second and take a risk. I've been complimented by more gay dudes than I have women, but that's okay. If a woman came up to me, I'd be flattered as ****. Is it essential to my well-being? No. Especially if I was dating a woman for five years because at that point in time, I'd be looking into the next step in the relationship and wouldn't give a **** about other woman. The only time I'd care about other women is if we were married down the road and she'd give me the option on which woman to have a threesome with. Other than that, it really doesn't matter cause I got you. I don't need another woman in my life. Does your boyfriend make you feel beautiful?
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