Truegirl Posted February 22, 2005 Posted February 22, 2005 Hey everyone here it is. I wasn't sure where to post this so I thought this was the closest one. There is this guy from my church lets just say his name is Dave. It is kind of confusing what we have going on here. We both like each other we have both said it to each other so that is good. But here is the bad part he doesnt want to hurt his ex-girlfriends feelings or her friends because we share a lot of the same friends. But here is the confusing part though we do everything together still. We go to the movies talk on the phone for hours. Go out to lunch, and he pays for everything for the most part. But as soon as one of our mutual friends that we all share come around things are different. Is he dating me in secret? I don't even thinks he knows what is going on can you shed some light.
Sckott Posted February 22, 2005 Posted February 22, 2005 Wow, that's not good. So he's all warm with you alone and with friends, he plays another role. If you really like this guy, you may want to mention to him that you're feeling uncomfortable about his actions when he's with his friends. You can still be a warm person in a crowd, still please the person you're with, but it sounds like he's uncomfortable, doesn't like to be confronted. Stay friends, sure! Just be very careful. His actions around you DO mean a lot, and that could hurt you in the long run....
Merin Posted February 22, 2005 Posted February 22, 2005 Uh.. all well and good to go that he doesn't want to hurt his EXGF's feelings.. but what about YOUR feelings? Dating in Secret.. hmm.. I've found that translation usually means.. 1) I'm married.. but it isn't to you, so lets keep this on the low. 2) I have a GF.. but it isn't you.. so lets keep this on the low. 3) I'm trying to get my GF back, but you'll do for now.. so let's keep this on the low. 4) I like you, but my friends don't approve.. so lets keep this on the low. No matter the reason (even if it's none of those) he either likes you and wants to spend time with you regardless of whos watching him, OR you need to ask him whats up?!
Hund1976 Posted February 22, 2005 Posted February 22, 2005 I wouldn't put up with that, tell him he needs to be with you in public or not at all. If he won't do that then something is up, something that is probably not good!
lost_in_chgo Posted February 22, 2005 Posted February 22, 2005 So out him. Next time one of the mutuals is around, jump up and sit on his lap and plant a wet one on him. That should get the point across pretty quick
glitter-gal Posted February 22, 2005 Posted February 22, 2005 I personally would talk to him in private. He either comes clean with the rest of your friends about your relationship or you call the relationship off. Simple it seems to me. If he announces your relationship then he won't feel embarrassed and you'll be happy. If you have to call it off you won't be embarassed in front of your mutual friends.
FoShizzleMyNizzle Posted February 22, 2005 Posted February 22, 2005 Well there are two kinds of people who date, dating in secret and dating in public. Dating in secret = They never do anything romantic in front of people or indicate that they are together but yet they always seem to be together a lot. Pros: If a breakup happens, very little people know about it. Cons: Not establishing a relationship in front of people tell others and each other that the both of you aren't "that" serious about a relationship. Dating in public = They do things romantic in front of others all the time. This is usually indicated by the more desperate of the two (either girl or guy) to indicate that he has a romantic interest (and in someways.. a Trophy boyfriend/girlfriend) Pros: They are both trusting and open. Cons: One person will want more attention than the other. Everyone knows what's going on 24/7 with each other. The person that doesn't want that much attention will attempt to control the gossip.
CurlyIam Posted February 22, 2005 Posted February 22, 2005 Merin, I was about to say exactly what you just did. However... since you ARE going to church and all, he could simply be a bit colder in public. Add his feeling ackward because of his ex and his being embarassed because his friends know his story, there you have it. Of course, it does not mean that you should pay for all that or take any of it, for that matter. What it means is you don't have to take it. Not even if you really love him and his behaviour in public isn't such a great deal to you. Out of respect and courtosy to you, he should formally let everyone know that you two are an item and behave accordingly. Too bad for whom doesn't like or approve it. so just explain your bf all this and see what he has to say. Good luck, Curly
Craig Posted February 23, 2005 Posted February 23, 2005 Secret relationships rarely produce positive outcomes. Somethings up and it isn't good or healthy.
Recommended Posts