Am I better off? I miss him a lot!

[Ashley S]

Hi! I am new here..thought I would share my story and see what people that don't know me think about the situation. Thank you in an advance. I suffer from depression, I know a lot of people, but very few I can call friends, and so I feel out of place with people. I found this one particular guy very intriguing for some reason. But I was told by some of my friends that he is "crazy" a "*******" a "user" and so on. They basically said for me to not get involved with him, so I took their advice. He called and texted me a lot. Where it was too much actually. I then was his "text buddy" he started to invite me out to places but I declined. He then started to show a lot of interest in me, and even quickly saying to me how much he cares and loves me. He tried to kiss me on some occasions. He was very straightforward about his feelings towards me and would constantly show it. But I went out with him and some friends and I felt such a deep connection to him, cause I was having so much fun with him! He made me feel so alive, cause I was in a deep depression. He was so funny, and smart and I loved that he brought me out of my shell.

 

But then, my mother said I was hanging with a guy friend and he started asking her questions and he wanted to know the details. My mom said he seemed angry about it. He then started to act very jealous about guys. If I mentioned a guy he would cut me off and look at me very mad, when we were together he acted like he was my boyfriend in a weird way. So that pushed me away. Yet I still had a deep connection that I couldn't let go of. He then backed away from me. He pulled the Houdini act with me where I wouldn't hear from him for months and then I would show up at a friend's house and he's there and then he acts like he is so happy to see me, and acts like he is my best friend, and he even has said that. Yet he won't call or text me after he sees me, so I don't know how much of that is true.

 

I figured I have to cut him out of my life, cause I have done a lot for him, and showed him how much of a good friend I am. I proved my loyalty. I was always confused cause he wouldn't contact me or text me yet when he saw me he acted like I was his girlfriend, and act very possessive and protective of me. He showed he had feelings for me, but he really wouldn't make the effort, and even though people has said he was dangerous, I was thinking he wasn't cause yeah he would call me and text me a lot, and act very possessive of me, but then he would back off, and I thought a dangerous person with stalking would be persistent and wouldn't back off. But then my friend said "Well you are not in a relationship with him, if you were his girlfriend it would be a lot worse" I don't know about that, I don't know if he is as dangerous as everyone says. But I know I need to cut him out just because I don't like how he pulls the disappearing act on me. But I miss him a lot. I feel empty again cause he was such a beautiful filler in my life, just some of the things he did were alarming, but I loved how he made me feel alive when I hung out with him.

 

So what do you think about all of this? Do you think I am better off? Also do you believe my friend that it would've gotten worse if I were to be in a relationship with him? I miss him alot. This really makes me sad.

[thekid36]

Hi! I am new here..thought I would share my story and see what people that don't know me think about the situation. Thank you in an advance. I suffer from depression, I know a lot of people, but very few I can call friends, and so I feel out of place with people. I found this one particular guy very intriguing for some reason. But I was told by some of my friends that he is "crazy" a "*******" a "user" and so on. They basically said for me to not get involved with him, so I took their advice. He called and texted me a lot. Where it was too much actually. I then was his "text buddy" he started to invite me out to places but I declined. He then started to show a lot of interest in me, and even quickly saying to me how much he cares and loves me. He tried to kiss me on some occasions. He was very straightforward about his feelings towards me and would constantly show it. But I went out with him and some friends and I felt such a deep connection to him, cause I was having so much fun with him! He made me feel so alive, cause I was in a deep depression. He was so funny, and smart and I loved that he brought me out of my shell.

 

But then, my mother said I was hanging with a guy friend and he started asking her questions and he wanted to know the details. My mom said he seemed angry about it. He then started to act very jealous about guys. If I mentioned a guy he would cut me off and look at me very mad, when we were together he acted like he was my boyfriend in a weird way. So that pushed me away. Yet I still had a deep connection that I couldn't let go of. He then backed away from me. He pulled the Houdini act with me where I wouldn't hear from him for months and then I would show up at a friend's house and he's there and then he acts like he is so happy to see me, and acts like he is my best friend, and he even has said that. Yet he won't call or text me after he sees me, so I don't know how much of that is true.

 

I figured I have to cut him out of my life, cause I have done a lot for him, and showed him how much of a good friend I am. I proved my loyalty. I was always confused cause he wouldn't contact me or text me yet when he saw me he acted like I was his girlfriend, and act very possessive and protective of me. He showed he had feelings for me, but he really wouldn't make the effort, and even though people has said he was dangerous, I was thinking he wasn't cause yeah he would call me and text me a lot, and act very possessive of me, but then he would back off, and I thought a dangerous person with stalking would be persistent and wouldn't back off. But then my friend said "Well you are not in a relationship with him, if you were his girlfriend it would be a lot worse" I don't know about that, I don't know if he is as dangerous as everyone says. But I know I need to cut him out just because I don't like how he pulls the disappearing act on me. But I miss him a lot. I feel empty again cause he was such a beautiful filler in my life, just some of the things he did were alarming, but I loved how he made me feel alive when I hung out with him.

 

So what do you think about all of this? Do you think I am better off? Also do you believe my friend that it would've gotten worse if I were to be in a relationship with him? I miss him alot. This really makes me sad.

 

 

Welcome! There is definitely a cause for concern here. First, he sounds as the kind of person who may have the tendency to be sort of controlling and possessive. Based on all you have brought forward. Not sure if that is the most positive personality trait. He may have backed off a little after you pushed him away. That really may not have been the worst response on your end.

 

You are depressed and thus really enjoyed the attention from someone who was giving it to you. That made you feel better about yourself. This is not the same as love. Nor, does it mean that this is the right person for you. Trust me on this one. I have suffered from depression myself and know how easy it is to get blinded by the sudden attention. I would suggest looking at the situation as a positive since it helped get you out of your shell a little. Not sure if I would be proactive in trying to pursue anything with this specific person.

[angel.eyes]

Someone who pulls Houdini acts and blows hot and cold is not a good dating option. You mention a lot of negatives. You're better off without him. That being said, missing him is natural even though he was unhealthy for you. Those feelings will eventually fade, and you'll become open to other guys.

 

In the meanwhile, address your depression and get it treated. Find some hobbies. Fill you life with things about which you can be passionate. Learn to be happy and fulfilled on your own before you dive back into the dating pool. The next guy you date should add to your life, not fill a void and be the source of your happiness.