Do men leave a relationship of their own volition?

[littleblackheart]

I've seen women leave a relationship out of boredom / loneliness / falling out of love / whatever as opposed to leaving for someone else, whereas I've never seen a man walk out without someone else already there waiting for them. This doesn't mean there aren't any I'm sure, I've just never met one.

 

 

So this made me wonder - what does it take for a man to leave a relationship when no cheating / abuse is involved, without at least having someone else in sight?

[central]

It happens all the time. I ended many short relationships once I learned we weren't compatible for anything long term. I ended my 24 year marriage when problems could not be resolved after years of trying. I did not have someone else in line when I did this, but it did free me to look for someone else.

 

Usually - in my experience - it's women who don't leave a relationship until they have someone else lined up.

[littleblackheart]

Right, that's me told

 

 

I'm not sure it happens all the time though, especially with men in long-term relationships / with children. Admittedly my social circle isn't that big but I've just never seen it.

 

 

I've seen guys get kicked out (and avoid admitting it at all costs) or leave for someone (not so) new but never have I seen or heard of a man leaving just like that - until now, that is!

[joystickd]

I've seen women leave a relationship out of boredom / loneliness / falling out of love / whatever as opposed to leaving for someone else, whereas I've never seen a man walk out without someone else already there waiting for them. This doesn't mean there aren't any I'm sure, I've just never met one.

 

 

So this made me wonder - what does it take for a man to leave a relationship when no cheating / abuse is involved, without at least having someone else in sight?

Yeah both genders do and if the reason is boredom there is usually someone else

[angel.eyes]

Absolutely, when they feel a relationship has no future and no longer meets their needs. It happens all the time...with both men and women BTW.

[Weezy1973]

I've been in 6 relationships varying in length from 6 years to 4 months. One break-up was mutual, and the rest I ended. I never had another woman waiting or one I was interested in pursuing instead of the one I was with.

[littleblackheart]

Fair enough, I can see that it's a lot more frequent than I first thought.

Were there children involved though?

 

 

Because I have many examples of mothers leaving (and taking their children with them, admittedly) and none of fathers doing the same off their own accord, with or without their children...

[angel.eyes]

Out of curiosity, what are you hoping to accomplish with these broad gender generalizations of yours? What's the purpose, especially since they aren't actually based on facts? Have blind gender stereotypes helped you build happy, fulfilling relationships?

 

If you want an emotionally healthy relationship, learn to see the other person as a unique individual rather than a two-dimensional, inaccurate gender stereotype. Way more productive way of dealing with others!

[M30USA]

Someone on LS said the following and I think it's dead on:

 

Men leave relationships when they're treated badly; women leave relationships when someone treats them better.

 

(This I believe is more applicable to marriages. It also assumes that all other factors are equal and insignificant.)

[M30USA]

whereas I've never seen a man walk out without someone else already there waiting for them. This doesn't mean there aren't any I'm sure, I've just never met one.

 

Consider yourself as having met one.

[littleblackheart]

Out of curiosity, what are you hoping to accomplish with these broad gender generalizations of yours? What's the purpose, especially since they aren't actually based on facts? Have blind gender stereotypes helped you build happy, fulfilling relationships?

 

If you want an emotionally healthy relationship, learn to see the other person as a unique individual rather than a two-dimensional, inaccurate gender stereotype. Way more productive way of dealing with others!

 

It may be that my English isn't as good as I thought it would be (French is my first language) but I'm not trying to make broad gender generalisations at all - thanks for pointing it out though, I'll try and express myself better next time...

 

 

I'm trying to deal with a very painful divorce as best I can, and trying to look at things I may have missed in my own relationship.

 

 

One of the 'explanations' my partner gave me when I found out he was unfaithful, he didn't want to leave me even though he was miserable with me, so he chose to betray me instead - so you see in my case, it's not at all two-dimensional. Having talked to a lot of other people about it, it seems pretty common in fact, so I just wondered whether it had happened to other people.

Edited December 30, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[littleblackheart]

Consider yourself as having met one.

 

Point taken

[angel.eyes]

Thanks for clarifying. The context for your questions helps. Your English is fine.

 

Breakups are always hard. I empathize with your struggle, and I now understand your need to try and make sense of what just happened. But it would be a mistake to paint all men with a broad brush stroke based on this one cheater...who is no longer a central player in your life. That's "baggage" that you will haul around, and it will get in the way of you finding happiness and fulfillment with someone else, once you've recovered and are healed from this breakup.

 

Second, take what people say on the way out the door with a healthy dose of skepticism. At best you will get half-truths if you ask for a reason during the breakup. Generally, they feel bad about hurting you, and are going to find what they consider the most palatable excuse if you put them on the spot. It may or may not be related to their real reason for exiting. Rarely, you'll have someone who's angry or mean, who decides to say the most hurtful thing possible on the way out. Then of course, there are people like your ex who blame you for their bad behavior. Whatever the case, you're unlikely to get the full truth. So I've never bothered asking for a reason. In this case, your ex is a proven liar since he cheated on you. You can't trust what he says. An honest, honorable person would have communicated his unhappiness to you and attempted to work out whatever the issue was. Failing that, he would have left the relationship BEFORE starting with someone else. Your ex tried to keep the benefits of his relationship with you while seeking more with someone else on the side. Frankly, it's despicable that he then turned around and blamed you and his baby for his poor decision to cheat.

 

At some point during your recovery process, reflect on what you might do differently in your next relationship, how you might pick a partner more suitable for you, when to recognize warning signs, etc. Every experience is an opportunity to learn and grow in my opinion. Every ending is also a new beginning. Rest assured that you will find someone who makes you happier and is capable of loyalty, once your heart becomes open once again.

 

(((HUGS)))

Edited December 30, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[littleblackheart]

Thanks for clarifying. The context for your questions helps. Your English is fine.

 

Breakups are always hard. I empathize with your struggle, and I now understand your need to try and make sense of what just happened. But it would be a mistake to paint all men with a broad brush stroke based on this one cheater...who is no longer a central player in your life. That's "baggage" that you will haul around, and it will get in the way of you finding happiness and fulfillment with someone else, once you've recovered and are healed from this breakup.

 

Second, take what people say on the way out the door with a healthy dose of skepticism. At best you will get half-truths if you ask for a reason during the breakup. Generally, they feel bad about hurting you, and are going to find what they consider the most palatable excuse if you put them on the spot. It may or may not be related to their real reason for exiting. Rarely, you'll have someone who's angry or mean, who decides to say the most hurtful thing possible on the way out. Then of course, there are people like your ex who blame you for their bad behavior. Whatever the case, you're unlikely to get the full truth. So I've never bothered asking for a reason. In this case, your ex is a proven liar since he cheated on you. You can't trust what he says. An honest, honorable person would have communicated his unhappiness to you and attempted to work out whatever the issue was. Failing that, he would have left the relationship BEFORE starting with someone else. Your ex tried to keep the benefits of his relationship with you while seeking more with someone else on the side. Frankly, it's despicable that he then turned around and blamed you and his baby for his poor decision to cheat.

 

At some point during your recovery process, reflect on what you might do differently in your next relationship, how you might pick a partner more suitable for you, when to recognize warning signs, etc. Every experience is an opportunity to learn and grow in my opinion. Every ending is also a new beginning. Rest assured that you will find someone who makes you happier and is capable of loyalty, once your heart becomes open once again.

 

(((HUGS)))

 

 

Thank you so much for such a thoughtful reply, it's really appreciated.

 

 

I feel like I'm in the eye of the storm at the moment, and I know it's far too soon for me to even envisage going into another relationship at this stage (my baby is my priority).

 

 

I'm sure you're right in that every ending is also a beginning, but I feel so completely broken at the moment... I know (I hope) not all men are like my ex but at the moment, it's really hard to see...

[angel.eyes]

You are in the eye of the storm right now. It may take a year or longer before you're ready. That's fine. Use the time to focus on your baby and becoming a better version of you.

 

Once you're open to dating again, you're going to have to learn to trust again and to be vulnerable enough to open your heart. That's the only way to find love. There are both men and women who will cheat. But not everyone cheats. I've never cheated. You didn't cheat. I know lots of guys who would never cheat. Unfortunately, you were with someone whose character was rotten. In my experience, once you screen for character and shared values, most guys are good people who want the same things I (and I'm guessing you) do.

 

Just know there is a light and a bright future at the end of the dark tunnel you're in right now.