TheNewMe2014 Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 So, I hadn't considered I may love someone who I've been dating, until a friend thought I was in love. I've felt a very strong attraction to her for a long time. But she's a bit bottled emotionally, but we've been able to grow an amazing relationship - regardless. Now, I've thought about whether I loved her. But I've been telling myself that's not possible until she let's herself go and is more open with her feelings too. Add to that, I really do care about her and don't want 'fabricate' something because I want it (not sure I was really looking for it anyway). Heck, I feel so lucky and fortunate - I don't go around telling everyone about her. I don't want anything with her to be construed as not real bragging, etc. I've never felt more in sync with someone, more trusting and relaxed and I want everything with her to be real. I haven't seen her in two weeks - she's been away on business travel. I can't wait to see her on Tuesday. The rest of our summer, we'll have very little weekend time together. I was just thinking about that this morning. Now I'm getting a pit in my stomach...having trouble focusing off of her. Started internalizing what my friend said yesterday. And now I feel like she released me from a suppression of how I really feel about her. Now I can't get her face out of my head or thinking about her. I'm fearful that I only feel this way because she mentioned to me I might be and I liked the idea - particularly with her. I was married for 10.5 years and dated random women for about 8 months after our separation. Then I met 'her' and immediately liked her. We haven't had a fight/disagreement in our five months. We get along so so well and we both admit we 'get each other'. Ok - whatever. So, I feel like accepting the feelings...but not if I'm just conjuring it up because that's what I hope. I will say I wanted to be in love again, but was in no rush. I also haven't had those butterflies (do guys get those?) - but I'm not worried I didn't/don't have them...because I feel like my feelings for her are deeper than the puppy dog love that produces those. She makes me happy, I want to do anything for her, want to spend every minute with her, and always want her to be happy. Before you say I'm desperate - I'm not. I dated others that would have been quite content getting into a relationship and falling in love. Just didn't feel the connection. So, can you define love? Is it just feeling? Am I just - I would not use the word infatuation - but maybe significantly smitten or deep connection? I don't know why it matters - no matter how I feel....my relationship with her is not going to change. I guess I've pushed off that feeling and if it's really true and genuine, I'd like to own it. I guess I'm putting logic where there is none and I should just let myself think whatever....lol
Gaeta Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 A few times in my life I have asked myself 'am I in love'. How do we answer this question. I came to the conclusion if I needed to ask myself this question then I was not in love. The few times I was in love it was a deep state of mind-heart that did not need to be confirmed. When I feel I'd run in front of a train for him or I'd gladly give him a kidney, that's because I am in love. Anything else is just being in lust.
Author TheNewMe2014 Posted July 20, 2014 Author Posted July 20, 2014 It may be a lot of things but not lust...
Gaeta Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 It may be a lot of things but not lust... What do you mean? you don't lust for this woman? If you don't desire her then you are definitely not in love with her.
Author TheNewMe2014 Posted July 20, 2014 Author Posted July 20, 2014 Gaeta - really? Seriously. You have very negative opinions in most of your advice. Lusting typically has a negative connotation. Lol - I love the absoluteness of your comments. No I don't lust for a woman - not the way I define it. I may be smitten, I may desire, I may be infatutated. But I do not lust. As a noun - lust is defined by 'strong sexual desire'. While that is true, my 'lust' as you call it comes from a different place and I'd rather not call it lust.
Author TheNewMe2014 Posted July 20, 2014 Author Posted July 20, 2014 answered my own question...I am..... I can't explain how else I feel....
Gaeta Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 Gaeta - really? Seriously. You have very negative opinions in most of your advice. Lusting typically has a negative connotation. Lol - I love the absoluteness of your comments. No I don't lust for a woman - not the way I define it. I may be smitten, I may desire, I may be infatutated. But I do not lust. As a noun - lust is defined by 'strong sexual desire'. While that is true, my 'lust' as you call it comes from a different place and I'd rather not call it lust. hhmm really? I come across as negative. I got to pay attention to that. I am not sure how I am being negative in your thread though. Maybe we just differ on what lusting is. To me it has no negative connotation. Romantic love should come with strong sexual desire, no?
Author TheNewMe2014 Posted July 20, 2014 Author Posted July 20, 2014 Yes - I think you say things as an absolute and will little explanation that leaves a lot to interpretation, partly. People say very commonly are you in love or lust? We can debate the term and how it's used, but that's my point on your last comment 'if I don't lust her...' really? My whole explanation (and you've seen enough of my posts to know that I have some real feelings for her) doesn't show you I have a strong desire? Now whether it's love or not - that's debatable. I also think that saying, 'if your asking the question, you're not' is kinda of a 'lame' answer. I question everything - everything. And I want this to be so honest and pure for what it is. It's why repressed the idea that I may feel that way - because I want it to be genuine. I've repressed that so much, that when someone said they thought I was in love and flooded me with thoughts and feelings... I've been married - I thought I knew what love was. I was wrong. As I said, I don't have the puppydog butterflies..but she's constantly on my mind, yada yada yada... What I see/feel is not what's on TV - what I see and feel is very genuine. But that's not the formula driven love we are taught on TV. So, I don't know. But it doesn't really matter, it's how you genuinely feel about someone. I care about her more than anyone, I've never gotten along with someone so well, I want her with me always, I think about her all the time, I want to make her happy, I miss her when she's not here, she's the one I want to share everything with.....and thinking about this today, I'm kinda getting those butterflies a little bit. It's been two weeks since I've seen her and she's been gone. I'm going nuts looking forward to seeing her. The reason I haven't let myself think I might love her is because I know she's not there yet (though, I have no doubt she cares a lot for me). But maybe that doesn't matter...
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