karlym3 Posted February 22, 2005 Posted February 22, 2005 If anyone is going to make the change, it will have to be you. If you want to bump it up to a fully committed romantic relationship, you'll have to let him know on no uncertain terms that it is what you want, and that you are not willing to settle for less. Then you'll have to back off and let him know through words and actions that "FWB" isn't working for you. You can't say that you want it, and accept less by continuing to be around as a "FWB" - because then he will know that he doesn't really have to make any changes, because you'll continue to be there for him in a way that works best for him no matter what it is you say that you want. LucreziaBorgia Member I am in the same boat. It is killing me. I can see that waiting it out-- dont. They won't come to you. So I feel that it is a must to pull away. My question is that how do you pull away..but leave enough of yourself that they dont give up and go somewhere else?? They say you gotta make them miss you and walk away.. but for how long? What are some actions that let him know you mean business...?? I AM DONE BEING A FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS GIRL
Scarlett_girl Posted February 22, 2005 Posted February 22, 2005 how do you know if you are a FWB??? I'm in a situation myself now and I dont even know if I am an FWB or something else..
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 22, 2005 Posted February 22, 2005 You first have to be strong enough to take a leap of faith, and have the strength to put the ball firmly in his court and walk away. You also have to accept that sometimes when you walk away, if the guy doesn't have enough of an emotional investment in you he isn't going to come after you when you walk away. Your strength in this situation lies in your ability to let go. If you can't let go, and it isn't even an option to consider - then you may not want to try this: because he can and will call your bluff. Give yourself some time to build the necessary strength. Its not about a trick to get him to run after you when you walk away. Its about getting up the strength to walk away, period. Originally posted by karlym3 1. how do you pull away..but leave enough of yourself that they dont give up and go somewhere else?? 2. They say you gotta make them miss you and walk away.. but for how long? 3. What are some actions that let him know you mean business...?? 1. By letting him know in no uncertain terms that you are interested in a committed, romantic relationship and that you want that sort of relationship with him. That will leave him with a clear message. If he goes somewhere else, even after knowing that - then his message to you will be clear as well. 2. Leave on a very good note. Be positive, warm - all those things that drew him to you in the first place. Be regretful and sad about severing contact, but... if the last picture he has of you is one of bitterness, anger, desperation, lashing out, making threats or whatever - then its not likely he's going to want to go back to that. Let him miss the best of you. Let him miss what it is that keeps him coming back. How long? There's no time limit. If you let him know what you want, and you walk away and you still haven't heard from him in a while eventually you will find yourself moving on. However long that takes, I guess. 3. You only mean business when your actions match your words. If you say 'no contact' and follow through firmly, then he'll know you mean business. Sometimes, a FWB relationship can develop into something more - but its very apparent which of those can and which of those never do. If it is monogamous, respectful, caring, has a solid basis of actual friendship and not just "friendship" - then yes, it can become more. If it is emotionally empty and seems to exist only for convenience and avoidance of commitment, and there is no actual 'friendship' and is primarily sexual and 'on the fly' then its probably just going to stay that way until one or the other partner leaves.
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