Leigh 87 Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 The man I have been dating since last December, so for nearly eight months, suffered a brain injury (aneurism at age 19). It only shows in his short term memory, however, and at worst - he forgets things during the day (he may ask what ingredients we need between 5 - 10 times at worst). For the most part, we have issue free, normal conversation. He seems very normal albeit forgetful. It hasn't hindered our relationship at all, although initially, I thought it was a lot for me to take on. In the end I loved him enough to want to be with him irrespective of the negative implications of his injury. I am constantly secure and happy with this man, he is just wonderful and I feel over the moon constantly that we found one another. The feeling seems to be mutual. Tonight I am freaking out! He called me when he was at his local club having a drink and playing snooker with his friend... he said " Leigh 87 where are you, why did you leave, I have waited twenty minutes for you to get out of the bathroom" WTF. He sounded weird. I didn't think it was HIM, MY boyfriend at all. I thought it was a friend of his playing a joke on me. He asked again, a few more times: you were just here 20 minutes ago Leigh 87, where did you go? At this stage I freaked out, as this is NOT in character for him at all! Despite his injury (he had an aneurism at age 19), the ONLY thing he ever does is forget every day things. DAILY things he repeats or forgets a few times, but NOTHING like this......... I rang his mum, who is a doctor. I told her that my boyfriend sounded disorientated and I didn't actually think it was him at all:( I explained that he had never just.. FORGOTTEN that I wasn't actually with him in the first place! His mum said she would call him. I have not heard from him since, I am worried something has happened, I am scared sh*tless. His doctor, his neurosurgeon who was a leading specialist in the Southern Hemisphere, NEVER told him that he was more at risk for sudden... issues in his memory, other than what he had already suffered! My boyfriend never told me that he was at risk of... you know, loosing his mind or memory entirely! Surely he would have told me if THIS was a real possibility......? This is awful, I care for this man immensely and cannot imagine life without him:( I am so worried. Ugh. I have such a horrible sick feeling at the thought that anything might have happened to him.
SoleMate Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 Hi Leigh - Hoping for the best.....I understand it's nervewracking and I can't give you any medical advice of course.....just that it's often the case that we worry way more than is necessary. If the specialist doctor says there was not extra risk then of course it is unlikely there has been a serious incident. Hugs, hope you get your "all clear" soon.
Author Leigh 87 Posted July 20, 2014 Author Posted July 20, 2014 :(All of a sudden after his last call, and before I called his mum, his phone has just stopped - he has not viewed my messages on whatsapp asking whether he is alright, and his mum has not texted me back. I texted her once asking her to inform on my boyfriends condition; whether he is alright or not... If everything was "okay" then surely his mum would have called briefly, confirmed he was OKAY and perhaps drove to collect him, as he may have simply been a little drunk. Yet nothing. No word from his mum. He ALWAYS checks his phone, he only ignored messages when his phone is dead. Or he is unable to access his phone physically, he never just ignores messages. I feel so sick with worry.
Author Leigh 87 Posted July 20, 2014 Author Posted July 20, 2014 Thanks. His mum just texted me back: " ____ has arrived back here and appears very inebriated. He does think you were with him and he has lost you.No other symptoms of anything sinister" He then rang me. " Leigh... Seriously, why are you doing this to me? You were right here, why did you leave? I am VERY UPSET that you left, I miss you" I tried to tell him that he can even talk to my parents, they will confirm I was NOT in Sydney with him today at any time! He kept asking " why are you doing this to me... are you taking advantage of my memory problem?" I suggested that perhaps he saw a woman whom looked similar to me. He said: "no, no woman looks as beautiful as you" :(:(:(:( I feel sick.
Art_Critic Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 I was thinking he was just drunk... is that it ? 2
Author Leigh 87 Posted July 20, 2014 Author Posted July 20, 2014 I was thinking he was just drunk... is that it ? No. I wish he was just drunk. He said he hadn't drunk. He wasn't drunk.
anne1707 Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 Is he on any meds for his condition? If so, then drinking heavily may have caused this reaction
Art_Critic Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 At least his Mom is with him and she is a Dr... hope for the best...
Author Leigh 87 Posted July 20, 2014 Author Posted July 20, 2014 He sounded very distressed:( He honestly thought I ran away from him and now that I am playing some sick joke on him... That I am taking advantage of his memory problem... I told him I would never purposely hurt him like that:( He felt terrible - like he had me one moment, and the next I was gone. He misses me and is very distressed about supposedly "losing" me.
Author Leigh 87 Posted July 20, 2014 Author Posted July 20, 2014 Is he on any meds for his condition? If so, then drinking heavily may have caused this reaction He is not on any meds. He just forgets things short term. He will ask what someone's name is a few times, that sort of thing. I texted his mother again telling her he seemed very distressed and I am a bit shocked and upset. His mum said: I am sure he will be OK, if he is not I will take him to the hospital. I couldn't really handle it if anything happened to him so I pray that this is just a one off thing that seldom happens in the future.... I absolutely love who he is at this present moment, I would lose my mind if he.... just changed and forgot everything. He just sounded... different:( The strange thing is, he remembers the exact date of our anniversary. He also remembers my birthdate. And more lightly, he tends to remember thinks that he finds hilarious like.. if I "pass gas" in my sleep and wake myself up (happened ONCE), he will wet his pants laughing at me as he thinks it is so cute/funny. So he remembers things that really make an impact but tends to forget everything else that doesn't matter to him on an emotional level.
GemmaUK Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 If he appears inebriated but wasn't drinking then considering his history his Mum would call an ambulance wouldn't she?
Art_Critic Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 Leigh, if his Mom isn't worried and she said he sounded inebriated then he probably is inebriated... Don't get yourself so worked up and put some trust in his Mom 1
Author Leigh 87 Posted July 20, 2014 Author Posted July 20, 2014 Leigh, if his Mom isn't worried and she said he sounded inebriated then he probably is inebriated... Don't get yourself so worked up and put some trust in his Mom Okay. I hope it is no big deal and his mum would "spot" something amiss. His mum just admitted that this "worries her too" and "she hasn't seen him like this either" :(:(
Author Leigh 87 Posted July 20, 2014 Author Posted July 20, 2014 If he appears inebriated but wasn't drinking then considering his history his Mum would call an ambulance wouldn't she? I am not a medical professional so I am not sure.... if becoming confused and clueless is a sure sign that a stroke is imminent..... Perhaps this is because he has been under stress lately, and this has triggered an episode of forgetfulness?
Author Leigh 87 Posted July 20, 2014 Author Posted July 20, 2014 Since his last call, after he arrived home inebriated, the call cut out.. or he hung up? His phone has not been active since; calls straight to message bank, no whatsapp activity. This is very unlike him as he never just turns his phone off and leaves it off when he has a charger with him.... I am literally worried sick. I am going there first thing tomorrow.
MidwestUSA Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 I am not a medical professional so I am not sure.... if becoming confused and clueless is a sure sign that a stroke is imminent..... Perhaps this is because he has been under stress lately, and this has triggered an episode of forgetfulness? Strokes don't usually give such signs of being imminent, and you would know (his mom would know) if he was having a full blown stroke by now. Altho it could be a TIA. But I don't believe a prior aneurysm necessarily puts one at risk for further strokes. I'd stick with the drunk theory and see if he comes around. If he doesn't, then yes, there's a problem. Trust his mom to take care of him and try not to worry.
carhill Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 If his physiology leaves him vulnerable to aneurysms or brain bleeds, disorientation/behavior changes, especially those which occur suddenly or over a short period of time bear scrutiny. The key aspect is change. If he's been forgetful for a long time, accept that aspect as customary and look for changes in scope/frequency/content, along with other changes, like in senses. In my case, being a caregiver, bleeding strokes made my mom half-blind in each eye as well as induced scarring on the visual center (occipital lobe) which induced visual hallucinations exacerbated by dementia from reduced blood flow/oxygen. In essence, vascular dementia with hallucinations and psychosis. The beginning though was bleeding strokes which went undiagnosed. We noted behavioral changes, in retrospect, for a couple years prior to the main event. Think of such as foreshocks to the main earthquake. If he was drinking, that changes brain blood flow and function and could 'enhance' whatever is going on, resulting in behavior more unusual than normal. I hope your BF is under routine and consistent medical care. If he hasn't had a brain scan in some time, now might be a good time.
GemmaUK Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 I am not a medical professional so I am not sure.... if becoming confused and clueless is a sure sign that a stroke is imminent..... Perhaps this is because he has been under stress lately, and this has triggered an episode of forgetfulness? Tolerance to alcohol is lowered following brain aneurysms. Maybe he was drinking but is saying he wasn't. It might be that he has had a TIA which is like a very mini stroke (these don't have any long term side effects but can mean that an actual stroke could happen in the future). My Dad had hundreds of TIAs and they would disorientate him but he never had an actual stroke. (My Dad had a whole other list of things wrong with him btw). I'm sure his Mum has things under control and will call an ambulance if needs be. If he has just been drinking then I would put it down to that. If he hasn't then she should call an ambulance and get him checked out. Try not to panic Leigh.
Gaeta Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 I am very sorry you are going through these worries. My father had a big stroke 10 years ago and then a series of little strokes since the big one. There are days it's like his mind is super clear and other days he doesn't even realize he's driving on the wrong side of the road. The state of his brain depends on if he's tired or rested. Maybe it does influence your boyfriend as well. If he was not well rested, plus the alcohol, then it could have caused him to be confused beyond what's normal for him. On a side note, his mother could have done a better job at keeping you informed and updated!
Author Leigh 87 Posted July 20, 2014 Author Posted July 20, 2014 Strokes don't usually give such signs of being imminent, and you would know (his mom would know) if he was having a full blown stroke by now. Altho it could be a TIA. But I don't believe a prior aneurysm necessarily puts one at risk for further strokes. I'd stick with the drunk theory and see if he comes around. If he doesn't, then yes, there's a problem. Trust his mom to take care of him and try not to worry. Thanks. I also had heard that a stroke didn't put you at risk of another, or at least more of a likely target than you or myself. It still helps when a health professional confirms it.... I am frantically searching graduate degrees online for next semester of next year, in a bid to distract myself. Looks like a double degree in secondary education/bachelor of science is the most lucrative and employable degree out there that involves science (my biggest area of interest academically). I want so much to think of him in all my future plans but now I am very afraid that he will just.... forget things? As long as he doesn't forget ME, I hope any further episodes like this can be overcome, and he can still lead a relatively normal like with me..... I am desperately just trying to entertain myself so I don't feel sick with worry. He at least knew who I was and he was telling me how he missed me and etc, so at least he remembers me and .. this isn't too severe yet.
JungleLover Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 Strokes are unlikely to cause isolated problems with memory. Strokes usually manifest in focal neurological dysfunction that are often perment such as right or left sided weakness, slurred speech, numbness on one side of your body, etc., TIAs do the same since TIAs are like strokes except they do not leave permanent brain damage, therefore, the symptoms are not permanent but isolated forgetfulness is very unlikely to be either one. An aneurysm, depending on its location, can leave you at risk for seizures which can manifest in problems with memory and not be a full blown convulsions. Aneurysms don't typically leave you with permanent memory problems unless they rupture or are in specific locations and tend to bleed. Another possibility, is transient global amnesia but this typically occurs in older patients and I do not suspect your boyfriend is older than 60. You can speculate forever with this stuff but it means nothing unless you get the full story of what happened from those who were with him and also his current state would be helpful. 1
MidwestUSA Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 Thanks. I also had heard that a stroke didn't put you at risk of another, or at least more of a likely target than you or myself. It still helps when a health professional confirms it.... I am frantically searching graduate degrees online for next semester of next year, in a bid to distract myself. Looks like a double degree in secondary education/bachelor of science is the most lucrative and employable degree out there that involves science (my biggest area of interest academically). I want so much to think of him in all my future plans but now I am very afraid that he will just.... forget things? As long as he doesn't forget ME, I hope any further episodes like this can be overcome, and he can still lead a relatively normal like with me..... I am desperately just trying to entertain myself so I don't feel sick with worry. He at least knew who I was and he was telling me how he missed me and etc, so at least he remembers me and .. this isn't too severe yet. Since you brought I up, I'll tell you here rather than in your other thread. It was a health crisis (altho involving my dog, not a human) that got me interested in medicine and nursing. And I did it at an 'advanced' age, LOL (33), abandoning a career as a chemist for it. Maybe take a break from frantically thinking about what you want to do and read up on head injuries (TBIs) to get an idea of what's ahead of you if you continue in this relationship. Maybe you'll decide your future lies in helping people with such injuries/impairments! I won't sugar coat it, it's difficult work. Good luck; I hope your bf is okay and that this is a temporary thing. Perhaps he should refrain from drinking.
Author Leigh 87 Posted July 20, 2014 Author Posted July 20, 2014 So everything seems sorted; he just rang me at 3am, he woke up with tears in his eyes because he wondered why I wasn't next to him. He is not the crying type at all, doesn't let little things afflict him usually. He is not the sensitive poetry type of guy so for him to be upset, it has to REALLY upset him a great deal. He rang and he accepted that I was never there with him to begin with. Told him me and our cat are due to arrive tomorrow; he was thrilled and I think he is okay now, he knows everything is OKAY. Meeting my boyfriend is what triggered me wanting to do a Bachelors of occupational therapy, as I was looking for a science based degree which OT is very much so. It is not as full on as nursing (I take my hat of to nurses, I couldn't do it) but it is very science based. However, prospects in secondary science teaching seam greater than in the field of occupational therapy
GemmaUK Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 So everything seems sorted; he just rang me at 3am, he woke up with tears in his eyes because he wondered why I wasn't next to him. He is not the crying type at all, doesn't let little things afflict him usually. He is not the sensitive poetry type of guy so for him to be upset, it has to REALLY upset him a great deal. He rang and he accepted that I was never there with him to begin with. Told him me and our cat are due to arrive tomorrow; he was thrilled and I think he is okay now, he knows everything is OKAY. Meeting my boyfriend is what triggered me wanting to do a Bachelors of occupational therapy, as I was looking for a science based degree which OT is very much so. It is not as full on as nursing (I take my hat of to nurses, I couldn't do it) but it is very science based. However, prospects in secondary science teaching seam greater than in the field of occupational therapy So was he just drunk?
Author Leigh 87 Posted July 20, 2014 Author Posted July 20, 2014 He is happily messaging on whatsapp. Hearing him happy is like I have won a million dollars, quiet literally the same sensation I would get from such a thing... It seems to be mutual with him. When we are both happy we are both on top of the world, we cannot stop smiling. Likewise, it gets very difficult when either of us are low in spirits, as the other takes it on or in his case, he tends to feel worse than I do when I am upset, he takes it on 2 fold.....
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