maggiecheungs Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 (edited) Hi first post. First of all, I'm in an open-relationship with someone, and I've had some recent er, colourful encounters off Tinder and I guess I'm feeling paranoid or something. I met a very cute guy off Tinder who is rather nice, and shy. He made it very upfront with me that he does not like to have sex early on in dating and wants it to happen when he knows for sure he likes someone. I kissed him on the first date, but it was a very light kiss haha. I've texted him not so much since when I first met him a week ago, and I saw him again last night. I'm paranoid because of the last guy I met off tinder that was a TOTAL jerk to me despite agreeing that we weren't doing anything serious. Last night the guy invited me to a bar and then this dance club, which i've never been to, and had to really navigate the depths of my city and I felt like I was going to faint because I was super hungry...in brief: I was scared I was going to get lost. I asked him to tell me when he was at the club, he never responded. I sent him several texts while going there and he wasn't responding and I was already in a bad mood from somethings that happened earlier so this wasn't helping. I go into the bar he said he was in, he isn't there. I find the club spend $20 dollars and find myself in a very crowded dark room, trying to find him for an hour. The second time I call him somehow I find him by luck via eyeglances in the middle of the dance floor, but he quickly walks away and I look at my phone and there's nothing from him!!! Pretty not cool I was pissed but also confused... Then he somehow finds me and the night ends well. I spend the night (platonic!) but he says a kind of problematic thing to me: you would be even hotter if you were tanner. notes: 1) he won't passionately kiss me 2) i'm picking up vibes he doesn't want to pay for stuff for me like food, so we don't go out I just visit him at his studio (I guess this isn't a problem i've just never experienced this, most guys that I date or kiss will take me out at least once?) Should I be worried that he is possibly a jerk? I'm always scared LOL i've had many bad dating experiences with jerks. *Told me he made out with a girl he met off tinder, but wouldn't have sex with her. It's possible he may in the future have sex with me, but he hasn't passionately kissed me, really at all.... may be it's because i'm not 'tan enough'* Edited July 20, 2014 by maggiecheungs extra detail
Eivuwan Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 If he's not even someone you are considering as a bf, why waste time when there are already red flags?
Author maggiecheungs Posted July 20, 2014 Author Posted July 20, 2014 I mean I'm interested in having more than one boyfriend?
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 He sounds like a waste of time. I would never try to hunt down some man in a club or bar like that, especially if he can't even be bothered to answer your call or texts. This guy is only mildly interested, if that, and is going to treat you accordingly or however you "allow" him to treat you. 3
Author maggiecheungs Posted July 20, 2014 Author Posted July 20, 2014 I've never been to a club before and honestly had no idea what to expect. Learned my lesson there. I won't meet a guy there, unless I am actually literally going there with the guy together. He was also kind of/pretty drunk
Assasda Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 Sounds like the guy has his head on straight. I think the bottom line here is that you had a good time. If you want to be passionately kissed, dont you have to wait for the passion to come? Keep us posted 1
Priv Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 First of all, I'm in an open-relationship with someone, and I've had some recent er, colourful encounters off Tinder and I guess I'm feeling paranoid or something. I am not well versed in open relationships... He made it very upfront with me that he does not like to have sex early on in dating and wants it to happen when he knows for sure he likes someone. But I think his attitude does not mix well with it. Maybe he is afraid to get hurt? But I don't read jerk in him. It's a club, very noisy and crouded, hard to hear a phone call or have a conversation. As far as dating venues go, probably the worst .
ExpatInItaly Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 It's pretty obvious that he's not overly interested in you, OP. You shouldn't have tried to track him down when he was ignoring your texts. That comes across as desperate, even if you aren't. Do you really want to spend your time together trying to find him even though he's blowing you off? And you'd be hotter if you were more tanned - wth? He's showing and telling you he's not that into it. Move on and date other guys who appreciate you and want to get to know you - this one doesn't.
Author maggiecheungs Posted July 21, 2014 Author Posted July 21, 2014 He is kind of strange. The entire night I would catch him staring at me from the corner of my eye. He thinks most girls are 'okay' he is super picky. Whatever it's his problem.
mrs rubble Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 "Not tanned enough" :lmao::lmao: He sounds not sophisticated enough.
Author maggiecheungs Posted July 21, 2014 Author Posted July 21, 2014 He goes out to bars every night.. I'm confused if someone was not interested, why would they even 'go out' with someone?
Author maggiecheungs Posted August 15, 2014 Author Posted August 15, 2014 So I just posted a long reply / update of this guy and I submitted it and I had to login again. Anyways, I've known this guy for a month, and he's basically the 9th jerk that I've dated. I also find myself fascinated with why I find him interesting and why I still keep contact. 1)I'm pretty sure he is depressed. 2)Like other jerks I've dated he has a one-strike policy regarding behaviour that if its done, he writes the person off as not date worthy anymore. For example, I got drunk at a club. I had a drink that was unusually strong...the ice cubes melted and instead of it diluting it got stronger. I talked a lot he said and this annoyed him. It honestly wasn't that much.... Ever since then he treated me differently and lost interest in me. But still talks to me, and I still see him but as friends. 3) So I have a siamese cat, and all of a sudden he's telling me that he loves Siamese, wants a Siamese cat and loves cats...and this started after he lost interest in me because of that night and the club. He's also close-minded. He doesn't believe in Trans people..he said "If you are born a boy, you are always a boy"....well yeah anyone who thinks that would likely carry it over towards other areas. he also hates spending money on girls, he likes it when girls spend money on him.
Supernatural Posted August 15, 2014 Posted August 15, 2014 So I just posted a long reply / update of this guy and I submitted it and I had to login again. Anyways, I've known this guy for a month, and he's basically the 9th jerk that I've dated. I also find myself fascinated with why I find him interesting and why I still keep contact. 1)I'm pretty sure he is depressed. 2)Like other jerks I've dated he has a one-strike policy regarding behaviour that if its done, he writes the person off as not date worthy anymore. For example, I got drunk at a club. I had a drink that was unusually strong...the ice cubes melted and instead of it diluting it got stronger. I talked a lot he said and this annoyed him. It honestly wasn't that much.... Ever since then he treated me differently and lost interest in me. But still talks to me, and I still see him but as friends. 3) So I have a siamese cat, and all of a sudden he's telling me that he loves Siamese, wants a Siamese cat and loves cats...and this started after he lost interest in me because of that night and the club. He's also close-minded. He doesn't believe in Trans people..he said "If you are born a boy, you are always a boy"....well yeah anyone who thinks that would likely carry it over towards other areas. he also hates spending money on girls, he likes it when girls spend money on him. This is why dating is so annoying in your 20's. Girls love a guy who doesn't give a sh*t. This whole thread made me sick. 1
Author maggiecheungs Posted August 16, 2014 Author Posted August 16, 2014 This is why dating is so annoying in your 20's. Girls love a guy who doesn't give a sh*t. This whole thread made me sick. I think it's different on an individual case. I know why I am attracted to 'guys who don't give a ****' and it's specifically due to me being attracted to abusive qualities that my parents exhibited to me as a child. My first crush at age 4 was towards a guy who didn't give a **** about me, followed by another crush in kindergarten of a boy who pushed me on the ground and told me to 'get lost'. My half-sister who shares the same father as me, has the same issue with men as I do. I actually wish and try to date guys who are not 'treating me like ****, but it's really hard to maintain a relationship where you feel nothing towards someone and to just go along with the other person despite not exactly feeling anything towards them, even if they may like you. this guy is kind of difficult to understand because he'll exhibit some mean behaviours, but then will also exhibit nice behaviours too which throw me off. I already have issues reading social behaviours due to my learning disability
Eivuwan Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 I think it's different on an individual case. I know why I am attracted to 'guys who don't give a ****' and it's specifically due to me being attracted to abusive qualities that my parents exhibited to me as a child. My first crush at age 4 was towards a guy who didn't give a **** about me, followed by another crush in kindergarten of a boy who pushed me on the ground and told me to 'get lost'. My half-sister who shares the same father as me, has the same issue with men as I do. I actually wish and try to date guys who are not 'treating me like ****, but it's really hard to maintain a relationship where you feel nothing towards someone and to just go along with the other person despite not exactly feeling anything towards them, even if they may like you. this guy is kind of difficult to understand because he'll exhibit some mean behaviours, but then will also exhibit nice behaviours too which throw me off. I already have issues reading social behaviours due to my learning disability The solution isn't to keep chasing guys who will be mean to you and never give you long term happiness. The solution is to work on yourself so that you will no longer be attracted to these men. 2
Supernatural Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 Lot's of women need drama to survive. From my experience.
OwMyEyeball Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 At least you've developed the self-awareness to understand where you partner selection issues stem from. I'm going to guess that your childhood traumas are also having their impact on other areas of your life. Are you doing anything to address that or are you content continuing with your streak of dating "jerks"? You're not going to move up any rungs on the dating and partner ladder until you figure out how you're going to improve yourself then start actually doing it.
preraph Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 Well, he's a jerk. Rather than be worried about it, just cut him loose. He sounds like a messed up little f**k. The last guy that gave me gratuitous critique on my assets (if you had bigger boobs you'd look like a model) turned out to be a date rapist. Remember guys are at their best in the beginning, so if they suck in the beginning -- they really SUCK. 1
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