sbla Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 Hi I apologise if this is long but it's something I need to get off my chest. I'm a female, I am 20 years old and I have been with this guy for around 2 months, who is 22 years old. When we first got together but weren't 'exclusive' he slept with another girl. He did tell me about it but he lied, he told me that she only gave him a BJ and I forgave him as we weren't exclusive. I found out 3 days ago that they actually had sex and spent the night together. I haven't told him that I know they had sex and I kind of feel like until he can be honest with me then I don't want to talk to him. I put a status up on Facebook when I found out saying how much I hate liars etc etc as I was quite angry. As soon as I put the status up there he was messaging me asking me if I'm OK and what's wrong, which kind of make me think he has a guilty conscience. I have blanked him, haven't replied to a single one of his messages or calls in 3 days and my phone is on fire, he won't leave me alone. He still speaks to this girl on Facebook who he had sex with but I trusted him when he told me they are just friends so I didn't think anything of it and I feel like a complete idiot now. I wonder if he says all the things he says to me to her? I wonder if it was just the once they had sex? like all these things keep going through my head and it hurts. But now I'm left wondering if I'm over reacting? I don't know what to do! I really like him but I don't know if this doubt would stick around if I was to stay with him? I just want to scream at him for not being able to be honest with me
Gaeta Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 Hi When we first got together but weren't 'exclusive' he slept with another girl. He did tell me about it but he lied, he told me that she only gave him a BJ and I forgave him as we weren't exclusive. I found out 3 days ago that they actually had sex and spent the night together. So I am not sure why you needed to forgive him if you were not exclusive? I haven't told him that I know they had sex How did you learn it? and I kind of feel like until he can be honest with me then I don't want to talk to him. I put a status up on Facebook when I found out saying how much I hate liars etc etc as I was quite angry So your solution is to ignore him without telling HIM why but to tell THE WHOLE WORLD you're mad about 'someone'. Why do young people wash their dirty laundry in public? Why didn't you address this directly to him? . As soon as I put the status up there he was messaging me asking me if I'm OK and what's wrong, which kind of make me think he has a guilty conscience. I have blanked him, haven't replied to a single one of his messages or calls in 3 days and my phone is on fire, he won't leave me alone. How old are you? 20 or 12? He's suppose to guess why you're mad? You are playing mind games!! Talk to him. 1
Author sbla Posted July 20, 2014 Author Posted July 20, 2014 So I am not sure why you needed to forgive him if you were not exclusive? How did you learn it? So your solution is to ignore him without telling HIM why but to tell THE WHOLE WORLD you're mad about 'someone'. Why do young people wash their dirty laundry in public? Why didn't you address this directly to him? How old are you? 20 or 12? He's suppose to guess why you're mad? You are playing mind games!! Talk to him. Ok, there's no need to be rude.
Gaeta Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 Ok, there's no need to be rude. You're right. OP I apologize if I came across as harsh or rude, you know us French people we do that without realizing it.
rewl Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 Your reaction is just so damn immature. If you don't be careful, you will end up dying alone if you continue like this. And to think you already knew about the BJ, this is unbelievable.
Assasda Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 If he lied to you, he doesnt respect you. Then you have to go through the thought process, of "why doesnt he respect me?" Then you fix that. But you should never be lied to, if that is the case here. What you want to do at this juncture, is decide if you want to have him as your BF or not, then tell him about what you know, to see what he has to add. Getting mad and so fourth wont change anything
marcjb Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 Number one rule: There's no such thing as just "friends" of the opposite sex. If he lied to you about this when you just met him, it's not going to get any better, only worse if you have a relationship with him. Don't waste your time and save your sanity.
angel.eyes Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 I don't see how your current behavior is going to resolve anything. Do you? What is your endgame in all of this? Either dump him or communicate. What you're doing instead is passive-aggressive and immature. It will solve nothing.
Wisecrack Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 1) Technically, he's done nothing wrong. Heck, even you could go do what ever you wanted then too. 2) All this does is screams insecurity and think about it, if the scenario was turned, I'd bet you'd do the same thing; be honest. I'm not being rude but straight forward to you. You've just over thought everything and built it bigger than what it is. WHat you need to do now is sit down with him and have a good chat. Lay it down on him; hard. Let him know the boundaries you expect i.e. no more talking to this chick or its over etc and how much you've been hurt by this then kiss and make up and move on.
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