RyanBeynolds Posted July 20, 2014 Share Posted July 20, 2014 This won't be a very long post but I need some tips. She is downright gorgeous. I compliment her to the point where I feel I do it too much. Yet, it seems as if she still fishes for compliments. She texts me "ugh I'm so ugly its so hard shopping for makeup". Like my compliments get nowhere! After a shower with no makeup I tell her that she is beautiful and I like her without makeup, or when we wake up I kiss her forehead and tell her how gorgeous she is and I love her. But yet... its like she is still so insecure? And now she hit a phase where she thinks she is fat and I feel its getting ridiculous. She looks perfect and I tell her this. Its getting hard to support her dieting when she looks so good already! I told her if it makes her happier then I suppose I have to support It. So.. what is there to do? Just keep the compliments coming? I don't think they are overbearing considering I am 100% sincere with them! Thanks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eivuwan Posted July 20, 2014 Share Posted July 20, 2014 This won't be a very long post but I need some tips. She is downright gorgeous. I compliment her to the point where I feel I do it too much. Yet, it seems as if she still fishes for compliments. She texts me "ugh I'm so ugly its so hard shopping for makeup". Like my compliments get nowhere! After a shower with no makeup I tell her that she is beautiful and I like her without makeup, or when we wake up I kiss her forehead and tell her how gorgeous she is and I love her. But yet... its like she is still so insecure? And now she hit a phase where she thinks she is fat and I feel its getting ridiculous. She looks perfect and I tell her this. Its getting hard to support her dieting when she looks so good already! I told her if it makes her happier then I suppose I have to support It. So.. what is there to do? Just keep the compliments coming? I don't think they are overbearing considering I am 100% sincere with them! Thanks. This isn't a problem you can fix. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Thegreatestthing Posted July 20, 2014 Share Posted July 20, 2014 Blame the media and patriarchy who keep telling her she's not worth anything. You can't change that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RyanBeynolds Posted July 20, 2014 Author Share Posted July 20, 2014 This isn't a problem you can fix. I just have to deal with it? Because it really bothered me when she called herself ugly today. I feel like both of us know... hell, everyone knows, that she's gorgeous! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 20, 2014 Share Posted July 20, 2014 no no no no, you are feeding her insecurity. And honestly I don't think they are insecurities, she is just manipulating you into complimenting her. It's more about being vain. From now on try to give her compliments that have nothing to do with her looks. You're so smart, witty, fun, interesting, kind, generous.... Also, I would tell her, each time she puts herself down, she is putting the person you love down, and you want her to stop that. No one wants to hear the one they love being called ugly or fat. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Eivuwan Posted July 20, 2014 Share Posted July 20, 2014 I just have to deal with it? Because it really bothered me when she called herself ugly today. I feel like both of us know... hell, everyone knows, that she's gorgeous! You have complimented her a lot and it's still not sinking in. Her problems are deep. I used to be insecure about my looks and after my second bf complimented me and acted like he was really attracted to me, the insecurities are mostly gone. She won't react to your compliments. I don't know what else you can do. You can tell her that it bothers you that she is so down on herself, but I doubt it would do much. You probably have to accept it. Link to post Share on other sites
chimpanA-2-chimpanZ Posted July 20, 2014 Share Posted July 20, 2014 If you feel it's getting ridiculous, some honest conversation may be in order. The next time she seems to be asking for a compliment, you could say "I'm worried about you. You know I think you're very beautiful, so when you say things like that it sounds insecure. Are you OK?" If something is genuinely wrong, she may tell you what's bothering her; there could be some deeper reason behind it. If she really is just fishing for compliments, then that should stop it. Nobody likes to know that they sound insecure. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Eivuwan Posted July 20, 2014 Share Posted July 20, 2014 no no no no, you are feeding her insecurity. And honestly I don't think they are insecurities, she is just manipulating you into complimenting her. It's more about being vain. I disagree. If she were secure, she wouldn't feel the need to fish for compliments. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RyanBeynolds Posted July 20, 2014 Author Share Posted July 20, 2014 no no no no, you are feeding her insecurity. And honestly I don't think they are insecurities, she is just manipulating you into complimenting her. It's more about being vain. From now on try to give her compliments that have nothing to do with her looks. You're so smart, witty, fun, interesting, kind, generous.... Also, I would tell her, each time she puts herself down, she is putting the person you love down, and you want her to stop that. No one wants to hear the one they love being called ugly or fat. I do say how fun she is but I admit the compliments of her appearance outweigh any others. I will definitely say that next time she talks bad of herself.thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Author RyanBeynolds Posted July 20, 2014 Author Share Posted July 20, 2014 You have complimented her a lot and it's still not sinking in. Her problems are deep. I used to be insecure about my looks and after my second bf complimented me and acted like he was really attracted to me, the insecurities are mostly gone. She won't react to your compliments. I don't know what else you can do. You can tell her that it bothers you that she is so down on herself, but I doubt it would do much. You probably have to accept it. You say your second boyfriend helped your insecurities, though. You don't think I could make her feel better about herself with repetition? Link to post Share on other sites
Eivuwan Posted July 20, 2014 Share Posted July 20, 2014 You say your second boyfriend helped your insecurities, though. You don't think I could make her feel better about herself with repetition? I wasn't the type of girl who cared that much about appearances in the first place. It was more of a nice bonus to feel attractive. She, on the other hand, can't feel good without make-up. Link to post Share on other sites
maysj18 Posted July 20, 2014 Share Posted July 20, 2014 I'm always super torn on this topic. First and foremost, stop over complimenting her. Whether it's vanity or insecurity, it's feeding something. What I would do is write her a letter talking about your intense attraction to her. Give it to her and anytime she's feeling "ugly" or "fat" just tell her to read your letter and leave it at that. You have your feelings in writing that she can read at her disposal and IF she starts complaining again, don't pay attention to it. Change the subject if possible. My brother's girlfriend is the exact same way. He's wrote down his exact thoughts on basically every part of her body and personality (all good things) awhile ago and gave it to her with the agreement that she was to read this or think back to it rather than say ANYTHING critical about herself. Basically if she says anything negative now we just kind of ignore her and start talking about something else. Now, they have been together a long time so he knows why she's insecure and they have discussed that greatly and they still do- she has just gotten way better at accepting compliments and not making herself the center of the conversation. Being that insecure drains everyone involved and being forced to deal with isn't fair. It's immature, childish, and is something she needs to come to terms with ASAP. Support her, but don't allow yourself to become the only thing that holds her up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kolleamm Posted July 20, 2014 Share Posted July 20, 2014 Stop complementing her, it clearly makes no difference to her and only makes you look like a push over. Link to post Share on other sites
Noproblem Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 When I complain about things that makes me look ugly . My sister ridicules that and orders me to stop as there is nothing wrong with me or it's not that big a deal Which is sad as she doesn't listen, I just want to say how I hate that part or this ..I don't want someone to say yes you are ugly or no you are not! I just want to be heard and understood.. Link to post Share on other sites
Smilecharmer Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 There is too much internal damage. You can't help her. She will never feel like she is enough. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs Carter Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 I don't think there is much you can do. I went out with someone like that recently and his insecurity is very deeply routed. I honestly don't know what could be done without professional help. Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 It doesn't matter that you see perfect beauty, the fact is she doesn't. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 Does she have goals, challenges, accomplishments in her life from which she can derive self-esteem? I think that people who have deep sincere interests and goals aren’t as insecure as people who don’t have anything driving them other than appearance or social approval. While I agree that the media and patriarchy play a part in it, everyday people in everyday life also teach little girls that their beauty is the essence of who they are. Just listen to people talk to and about little girls- “”what a beautiful baby!” “you are so cute!” “what pretty shoes!” I mean, parents stick pick bows on their infant girls’ heads! Its really kind of creepy. OP, maybe try this: what IS perfect about your girlfriend? Maybe you could help her to see that her looks aren't what make her perfect and lovable by focusing on her character, personality and accomplishments? Link to post Share on other sites
RonaldS Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 Here's the thing I've learned about dealing with that level of insecurity; whether it's insecurities about her looks, insecurities about your relationship, insecurities about how much you love or value or want to be with that person.... The only thing that matters is what they think is real, not what is actually real. Minds like that create realities, and nothing you say or do can really change that. Sucks, but that's the way it is. Your relationship will always be a battle as you attempt to convince somebody who refuses to accept actual reality that things are actually different than the story they have constructed in their head. Good luck. Here, I'll save you the suspense....it can't be done. Link to post Share on other sites
FoolishMan Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 I knew someone like this ... she always wears makeup, latest clothes, goes to have hair, nails, eye brows done, waxing etc etc. She is a decent looking woman, you would look twice. Sometimes she would comment that men look at her and come on to her. Obviously she must know she is not an ugly bird! THEN Sometimes in conversation, she would say she is ugly, fat lardy-lar! I used to compliment her and say "don't put yourself down". I concluded that she either loves attention and receiving compliments or has very low self esteem. I concluded that it was a bit of both. I would say limit your compliments. It is a tiresome game! Link to post Share on other sites
Andy_K Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 If I were you I'd just agree with her every now and then. When she says "ugh I'm so ugly its so hard shopping for makeup". "Sale on at homebase babe, you can get plaster mix half price!" Or "Don't worry, I'll just stop wearing my glasses" Link to post Share on other sites
ktya Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 This won't be a very long post but I need some tips. She is downright gorgeous. I compliment her to the point where I feel I do it too much. Yet, it seems as if she still fishes for compliments. She texts me "ugh I'm so ugly its so hard shopping for makeup". Like my compliments get nowhere! After a shower with no makeup I tell her that she is beautiful and I like her without makeup, or when we wake up I kiss her forehead and tell her how gorgeous she is and I love her. But yet... its like she is still so insecure? And now she hit a phase where she thinks she is fat and I feel its getting ridiculous. She looks perfect and I tell her this. Its getting hard to support her dieting when she looks so good already! I told her if it makes her happier then I suppose I have to support It. So.. what is there to do? Just keep the compliments coming? I don't think they are overbearing considering I am 100% sincere with them! Thanks. I had a girlfriend like this. D cup boobs, 5'2" gorgeous figure at 105 lbs, long flowing black curly hair. Some days she would be immobilized and unable to leave the house with me thinking she was fat and just want to eat popcorn and watch TV. It was very frustrating. The girl was so hot when we walked down the street every single guy who drove by in a car rubbernecked. I tried pointing even that out to her and even that didnt work. It will get frustrating and annoying. Girls like that are prone to cheating because they feed their ego with compliments made by men and your compliments diminish in value the more you give. My advice, stop complimenting her and feeding her ego unless there is specific reason to (ie. You look amazing in that dress). Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts