TMLO Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 Hi, I have in a relationship with my girlfriend for nearly two years. We're both 24. We recently started renting together. I love her with all my heart and her personality is perfect. We just work so well. This would be perfect but I no longer find her attractive. She's let herself go and its really getting to me. Before meeting her I was quite sexually active and had no problems pulling attractive women and now I just don't want sex with her. I would never ever cheat but cant stop admiring beautiful girls at work or ex's (never even speaking to anyone about it). She tries to exercise but it's not her and she had gradually put on weight since we met so chance of her actually changing is close to 0. Can a relationship work when you're not attracted? She is perfect personality wise. This sounds so horrible writing it down but its really bugging me. Help
fred123 Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 Hi, I have in a relationship with my girlfriend for nearly two years. We're both 24. We recently started renting together. I love her with all my heart and her personality is perfect. We just work so well. This would be perfect but I no longer find her attractive. She's let herself go and its really getting to me. Before meeting her I was quite sexually active and had no problems pulling attractive women and now I just don't want sex with her. I would never ever cheat but cant stop admiring beautiful girls at work or ex's (never even speaking to anyone about it). She tries to exercise but it's not her and she had gradually put on weight since we met so chance of her actually changing is close to 0. Can a relationship work when you're not attracted? She is perfect personality wise. This sounds so horrible writing it down but its really bugging me. Help if it was the other way round women will leave u for another man. dont feel sorry just leave her and find a beautiful women.
Author TMLO Posted July 19, 2014 Author Posted July 19, 2014 It's not that easy. I really really love her.
Elle1975 Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 Did you bring up your concerns to her? Sex is part of a healthy relationship. 3
notserene Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 if it was the other way round women will leave u for another man. dont feel sorry just leave her and find a beautiful women. Um...from the sounds of it OP really likes her, he's just not as attracted as he used to be. So this seems like really useless advice. I'm wondering what's changed in her life. Is she under more stress? 1
Keenly Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 if it was the other way round women will leave u for another man. dont feel sorry just leave her and find a beautiful women. That's hardly fair, or relevant. 6
Gaeta Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 New relationships usually = 10 extra lbs. So how much extra weight are we talking about here? 10? 50? 100? You have to understand that women weight fluctuates through the year. Many of us will put on a few lbs during winters and shed it during spring. How long ago has she put that weight on? Exercising is not the answer to lose weight. It's proven exercising alone won't work, you need to change your eating habits. Have you shared with her how you feel? 4
WhatYouWantToHear Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 Can a relationship work when you're not attracted? First, let me try to head off all the fuglies on here that are chomping at the bit to rag on you for being shallow: There is nothing wrong with thinking you should end it because you don't find her attractive. Its like a scorecard--she gets points for being a good person, for being smart, for being attractive and for a lot of qualities that are importnat to you. There's no reason to feel bad for making atractiveness part of the equation. What you have to decide is how important that is to her overall score.
Weezy1973 Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 I had a very similar experience at your age. What happened in our relationship is that we stopped having sex. I loved her immensely, and we were amazing friends, but I wasn't attracted to her anymore. We ended up breaking up after six years together and it was extremely difficult. I would highly recommend not letting it go six years. Speak up, and be honest. It's her body in the end and not yours, and if she says it just isn't her, you're going to have to let her go. If she chooses you, and decided to diet and work out, well then you've got yourself a keeper. But at the end of the day, it's her decision, and not yours...
Author TMLO Posted July 19, 2014 Author Posted July 19, 2014 Thanks for the replies. She's about 2.5 stone (35?lbs) overweight I guess... shes got a belly now that actually makes me cringe. I'm quite healthy, hardly a ripped machine but I do work out. I have mentioned the weight in a way and she says she's trying to lose it but has put even more on since. I don't know how to bring it up without sounding awful as I've tried the nice gentle approach.
notserene Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 Thanks for the replies. She's about 2.5 stone (35?lbs) overweight I guess... shes got a belly now that actually makes me cringe. I'm quite healthy, hardly a ripped machine but I do work out. I have mentioned the weight in a way and she says she's trying to lose it but has put even more on since. I don't know how to bring it up without sounding awful as I've tried the nice gentle approach. If you love her you need to have an honest discussion, even if it is painful. 35 pounds is a lot of weight. I don't think "just dump her" is the answer here especially since your relationship seems to be very good in other respects. 3
Author TMLO Posted July 19, 2014 Author Posted July 19, 2014 If you love her you need to have an honest discussion, even if it is painful. 35 pounds is a lot of weight. I don't think "just dump her" is the answer here especially since your relationship seems to be very good in other respects. How would you approach it?
Gaeta Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 Thanks for the replies. She's about 2.5 stone (35?lbs) overweight I guess... shes got a belly now that actually makes me cringe. I'm quite healthy, hardly a ripped machine but I do work out. I have mentioned the weight in a way and she says she's trying to lose it but has put even more on since. I don't know how to bring it up without sounding awful as I've tried the nice gentle approach. There is absolutely nothing you can say or do to make her lose the weight. It has to start from within her. I can assure you if you nag her about her weight she will keep putting more on. It's a vicious circle. You tell her to lose weight, she feels inadequate and powerless, and she'll eat her emotions. 35lbs is quite a bit but still something somewhat easy to manage. When she reaches 50lbs + then the chances of her losing are are getting slimmer and slimmer. So here is my suggestion: Suggest her to join a weight lost clinic like Weight Watcher. She needs a support group. People rarely lose important amount of weight on their own, and offer to practice a sport together like roller-blade, tennis, bike, something you can do together several times a week. If she is closed to any of that tell her you are reconsidering your relationship with her, hopefully that will shock her into reality. 5
notserene Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 How would you approach it? I think you have to be pretty blunt. I think that you should emphasize that you were very attracted to her when she weighed less, and not say the words "I'm not attracted to you now." I realize that she's going to make the inference but the former sounds to me like less of a gut punch than the latter. I can't promise you that she'll take it well. 1
SoPeachy Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 I'm sorry but is she a baby or a migit? That's only 15 kilograms.....am I missing something???????
FitnessRN Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 Confusion = lost interest..interest level is below 50% and will never get back up She's OUT!!! Not taking care of themselves is another red flag..
Author TMLO Posted July 19, 2014 Author Posted July 19, 2014 15kg extra from when we started dating, not in total hahaha. 1
hoping2heal Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 Are there any lifestyle habits that put you off regarding this weight? For example, do you feel she is lazy? Do you think her behavior is impulsive or irresponsible?
Rexxy Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 I'm sorry but is she a baby or a migit? That's only 15 kilograms.....am I missing something??????? bahhahahah best comment I've seen on these forums. 15kg extra on normal weight.
Thegreatestthing Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 The usual advice to posts like this on here is to start up some sort of exercise walking the dogs etc with her,it might help. 1
Elle1975 Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 35 pounds starts being "a lot". I agree with Gaeta, Weight Watcher is a good option. I have lost weight "naturally" by going back to my Mediterranean diet. I also agree with the other poster.. you probably should be blunt. Doesn't mean that you have to be an @ss about it, even though that's probably how it's going to make you feel.
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 First, the name of your thread is cold and heartless and literally made me gasp before I even opened it up; "She's no longer beautiful to me" How about, "I'm no longer sexually attracted to my GF" ? That sounds more to the point you're trying to make. Second, it sounds horrible writing it down because it is horrible. Can't escape it. And third, her belly makes you cringe??? Ugh. I guess that means you're perfect. As far as I can see it, this is a doomed relationship because if you tell her that you don't find her attractive anymore and thus put pressure on her to lose weight, SHE will resent you for it AND if she can't or doesn't lose the weight for you (because that's how she'll see it), YOU will resent her. Doesn't exactly sound like a fairy tale romance to me. Do yourselves both a favor and end it. She deserves to be with someone who'll love her unconditionally. 4
SoPeachy Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 There is absolutely nothing you can say or do to make her lose the weight. It has to start from within her. I can assure you if you nag her about her weight she will keep putting more on. It's a vicious circle. You tell her to lose weight, she feels inadequate and powerless, and she'll eat her emotions. 35lbs is quite a bit but still something somewhat easy to manage. When she reaches 50lbs + then the chances of her losing are are getting slimmer and slimmer. So here is my suggestion: Suggest her to join a weight lost clinic like Weight Watcher. She needs a support group. People rarely lose important amount of weight on their own, and offer to practice a sport together like roller-blade, tennis, bike, something you can do together several times a week. If she is closed to any of that tell her you are reconsidering your relationship with her, hopefully that will shock her into reality. I see. Doh. However, I agree with the comment quoted above. Try and exercise or go to the gym together is a good idea. But also true that she must want to lose the weight herself as well. If she is not active then get her to do zoomba, an easy work out and popular amongst women. Well in my country anyway.
jay1983 Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 I'm sorry but is she a baby or a migit? That's only 15 kilograms.....am I missing something??????? It's a pretty big tummy.
Eivuwan Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 What about her health? Why is it all about her looks?
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