SpiralOut Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 I wouldn't mind some feedback on this. I think that I'm handling it fairly okay, but I'm considering being a bit more forward or aggressive in my responses to this person. I only see this person once a month. It's a book club that we all attend. It is difficult for me to talk to other people because she has this habit of joining in, interrupting me, speaking very sarcastically, and killing the conversation. I am trying to meet new people, so this is very frustrating to me. I don't mind people chiming in, but not to the point where they take it over and kill the rapport that I had just built up with someone. There is often a dead silence after she has spoken or had an exchange with me (or anyone else). She does this with everybody there, not just me. She often interrupts for the purpose of correcting the other person, even if they know more than she does about the topic, or even if what they said actually is correct. She picks arguments with people over silly things. I don't think she does it maliciously; it's just the way she is. The tone of her voice is very off-putting; she is sarcastic, abrupt and blunt. For example, she told another woman "oh it's just that I didn't understand what you were talking about." The woman looked surprised and unhappy but didn't say anything. There is a guy there I am interested in, and every month I go, he will start a conversation with me. EVERY time he does that, she jumps into it and kills it. I feel like I can't even talk to other people for more than a couple of minutes before I find myself defending my opinion to her. Usually I will deal with her by acknowledging what she said, admitting she has a point, then correcting the parts that I disagreed with so that I am still standing by my own opinion. She doesn't get it. She just plows ahead, determined to prove I am wrong. This week she actually MOCKED something that I had said at a previous meeting, repeating my exact words and using a very sarcastic tone of voice and making it very clear that she hadn't believed a single word I had said. It's fine to disagree with me but you don't need to act that way, seriously. This was about something I know more about than her and she knows that. The entire table went silence after she spoke while I just sort of stared at her, at a complete loss for words. Nobody provokes her. She is just rude for no reason at all. The overall impression that I get, is that she needs to be right, wants people to think she is smart, needs to feel smarter than other people. I don't like her but I don't hate her either, since I do see (sort-of) where this is coming from. However, I am a bit shy already, so the last thing I need is someone who plows into my conversations and kills them completely. I'm getting tired of it. How would you deal with this situation? Would you say something a bit more direct to her? I'm feeling very tempted to straight-up tell her "I'm not in the mood to argue about this."
EasyHeart Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 Don't engage with her. Ignore her. pretend she's not there, and don't respond to her negativity. If that's not possible, smile at the guy, walk away to a different part of the room, then look at him and gesture for him to join me. Then you can bond over what an annoy bitch she is. 1
Tbisb74 Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 ..."Oh, I'm sorry.... Was I speaking while you interrupted? How rude of me. please, carry on and hog the floor, we're all ears!" If there is no way of tactfully negotiating a commonly decent way of behaving, it's time someone pulled her up on it. And sometimes, you need to be sharp-tongued and blunt with it. Or just completely stop talking, and stare at them. When they stop talking, just turn to the other person, and continue "as I was saying...." as if they have said nothing at all. Either way will work. 1
Author SpiralOut Posted July 19, 2014 Author Posted July 19, 2014 (edited) Or just completely stop talking, and stare at them. When they stop talking, just turn to the other person, and continue "as I was saying...." as if they have said nothing at all. Either way will work. Thanks, I will try this method next time. I'm usually good at keeping a poker face when someone annoys me, but with her I can't do it. She's so horribly rude that I can't keep the look of disgust off my face. The guy I like somehow manages to stay totally calm when she insults him and he acts like he didn't even hear her. I want to be able to do that. Edited July 19, 2014 by SpiralOut
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