Kens8156 Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 Hi everyone, It's been a while since I visited LS because I was feeling better or at least was busy enough to not feel sad. However since summer break began I started missing my ex again... She ended it over the phone while I was studying in another country for 3 months. Things were not going very well the last 2 weeks since she hanged out with a guy who was in love with her and I got angry about it a few times. However not everything was bad, since she cried when we called a week before she ended it saying that she missed me too much. We were together for almost 2 years and it was an amazing time. She kept saying she saw a future with me, that I was the love of her life and that we would get married one day. But that apparently all disappeared in a few weeks time. After she broke up with me, I wanted to call her to get some more explanation but she refused, saying that I always forced her to do things and that she wanted to say 'no' this time, she sounded really mad... a month after the breakup I wrote her a final email with my apologies for 'suffocating' her, that I had a great time and that she could contact me whenever she was ready to speak. Of course, no response... Later I found out that she almost immediately started a relationship with the guy that was in love with her, and they are still together and even on a trip with some mutual friends at the moment, something she never wanted to do when she was with me since they only go drinking and partying and she doesn't like that style of holiday. Somewhere, I still hope that she will one day realize that it all was a huge mistake and that she wants me back, although I am not sure I'll take her back when that happens simply because I don't think I could trust her again. But from the way she acts (partying, not talking to her father anymore, ignoring me completely and even blocking me on fb and stuff like that) I don't think it's unrealistic that she will one day get out of this phase in her life (she's 20, I'm 23) and see what she has done. One last thing: my sister told me the other day that she changed her fb cover photo into the quote "not all those who wander are lost". Of course I've been overthinking this way to much, but in my eyes it could be an indication that she doesn't really know what she has been doing lately and it could be a first step into getting out of this phase in her life. Anyway, I keep doing NC. It is the only thing to do that makes sense when someone dumps you like this. It's hard, but eventually I'll find someone, whether it's her again or someone else!
owenlee Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 Sorry for your troubles. Sounds like you're doing OK though trying to keep up the NC. Sometimes it would seem that "contact" includes learning things about her FB page, etc. Stay away from that, if you can. GL.
Author Kens8156 Posted July 20, 2014 Author Posted July 20, 2014 Thanks for the support! Really appreciate it! I should indeed stay away from that, but that's really difficult. I still love her I think. Is it stupid of me to think she'll come back to me? I can't stop thinking that if she really loved me that much as she said and showed many times, and if we were "meant to be" (although I don't think such a thing really exists), that she will regret breaking up with me. After all I'm nothing like the new guy, who is more of a party guy and doesn't really care about culture or books or other things like that, while she reads many books and is in love with Rome just as I am.
JimmyWeezy Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 Thanks for the support! Really appreciate it! I should indeed stay away from that, but that's really difficult. I still love her I think. Is it stupid of me to think she'll come back to me? I can't stop thinking that if she really loved me that much as she said and showed many times, and if we were "meant to be" (although I don't think such a thing really exists), that she will regret breaking up with me. After all I'm nothing like the new guy, who is more of a party guy and doesn't really care about culture or books or other things like that, while she reads many books and is in love with Rome just as I am. We are in a similar situation my friend. My bf broke up with me while on vacation after a stupid fight - where he was, as usual, guilty. He is 21 and wants to be free and figure out who he is, this and that. I kinda hold it under my wing and on the radar since he was always curious about the outer world, and eventually the curiosity and desire of freedom/sperimentation took over. I know he's been partying, that's all i know. Part of me is curious to know exactly what he's been up to in this almost-month as newly single, but I know I would get hurt too much. All I know is we have to let them go and let them have their freedom. Let them 'wander'. They will most likely get lost and behave crazy and reckless, and I don't wanna be part of it. They chose this for them, and it's not right for me or for you to sit and wait to see what happens. It sucks, I miss him and I wish he knew the damage he did and all the pain that I'm going through, I wish he would know he is a bad person and I wish he realized what a treasure he chose to throw away. But we don't go far much with wishes, so stay strong and let your ex girlfriend wander.... Who knows if they come back. All we can do now is think if we deserve better and we do...
Author Kens8156 Posted July 20, 2014 Author Posted July 20, 2014 We are in a similar situation my friend. My bf broke up with me while on vacation after a stupid fight - where he was, as usual, guilty. He is 21 and wants to be free and figure out who he is, this and that. I kinda hold it under my wing and on the radar since he was always curious about the outer world, and eventually the curiosity and desire of freedom/sperimentation took over. I know he's been partying, that's all i know. Part of me is curious to know exactly what he's been up to in this almost-month as newly single, but I know I would get hurt too much. All I know is we have to let them go and let them have their freedom. Let them 'wander'. They will most likely get lost and behave crazy and reckless, and I don't wanna be part of it. They chose this for them, and it's not right for me or for you to sit and wait to see what happens. It sucks, I miss him and I wish he knew the damage he did and all the pain that I'm going through, I wish he would know he is a bad person and I wish he realized what a treasure he chose to throw away. But we don't go far much with wishes, so stay strong and let your ex girlfriend wander.... Who knows if they come back. All we can do now is think if we deserve better and we do... Hey JimmyWeezy! I'm sorry for what he did to you. I'm sure you were great for him, but if he needs to party there was nothing you could do to stop him from doing what he is doing now. Better that it happens now than when you live together or are married... I also wish she once realizes what she threw away. I could have given her everyhting she wanted. I still see her dad a lot, and he barely hears from her since our breakup whereas before they would call a few times a week and she visited him every two weeks. So I can't imagine she thinks her life is perfect right now since she lost the connection with her family. From all other things I know I suspect she's doing fine, and that is hard to cope with. Of course I want her to be happy, but it would be much easier if it was obvious that she feels miserable about what she has done. If you can, stay away from every kind of contact with your ex. You don't want to know. Either they are happy and you get sad, or they are not and you get hope which could well be ungrounded. Cut all contact, and if they come back, it's their job to make it up to you! But for now, we indeed deserve better, much better my friend. And in the end, everything will be allright!
JimmyWeezy Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 Hey JimmyWeezy! I'm sorry for what he did to you. I'm sure you were great for him, but if he needs to party there was nothing you could do to stop him from doing what he is doing now. Better that it happens now than when you live together or are married... I also wish she once realizes what she threw away. I could have given her everyhting she wanted. I still see her dad a lot, and he barely hears from her since our breakup whereas before they would call a few times a week and she visited him every two weeks. So I can't imagine she thinks her life is perfect right now since she lost the connection with her family. From all other things I know I suspect she's doing fine, and that is hard to cope with. Of course I want her to be happy, but it would be much easier if it was obvious that she feels miserable about what she has done. If you can, stay away from every kind of contact with your ex. You don't want to know. Either they are happy and you get sad, or they are not and you get hope which could well be ungrounded. Cut all contact, and if they come back, it's their job to make it up to you! But for now, we indeed deserve better, much better my friend. And in the end, everything will be allright! You are right. I truly believe that even if they try to forget what they did or how they made us feel, sooner or later it backfire. I mean, we are human, there's a conscience that knocks the door eventually, right? One day they will realize the damage and the horror, right?
Author Kens8156 Posted July 20, 2014 Author Posted July 20, 2014 You are right. I truly believe that even if they try to forget what they did or how they made us feel, sooner or later it backfire. I mean, we are human, there's a conscience that knocks the door eventually, right? One day they will realize the damage and the horror, right? That's what I think as well. They never coped with the breakup. EVERY person that once loved someone deeply and loses them in their life has to go through some kind of grieving I think. My ex seemingly never did that. So I also think it will once backfire as she must have some emotions left in her that she never dealt with!
Author Kens8156 Posted July 21, 2014 Author Posted July 21, 2014 JimmyWeezy, I've been thinking a bit earlier and chances are that they will never realize what they have done. It could well be that they never get mature enough to realize or to admit that they could have handled things better...
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