TheUnthoughtKnown Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 I wanted to talk about the nature of a certain kind of relationship. I wanted to know if you've been in a relationship with someone who you feel is so incredible, so amazing, that you pale in comparison. Where does that come from? Is it some inherent thing? Could you only ever feel like that if you're insecure to begin with, or does it take a certain person to inflict it? I think I've done that with most of my relationships, but one in particular, the one that led me to this site over 4 years ago, is prevalent. I still remember feeling like was doing me a favour by dating me. Isn't that insane? When she spoke, I marvelled at how elegant she seemed, even when she swore, even when she was crass. I remember observing the way she moved, and years after our break up when I would be out in a bar or a club, I would spot her from across the room simply because I recognised the way she moved. I remember feeling almost sorry for others, because how could they have something as amazing as I had. I remember thinking the woman was a drug, because I was high whenever I was in her proximity, and I never wanted to be sober again. I remember when we were only a few weeks into dating, we were out, and returned to her place. She told me she was redecorating in the morning, and so I couldn't come in or stay the night. I went home. I remember feeling so down, so depressed that I couldn't spend the night with her. Not for sex. We hadn't gotten that far and I didn't care. No, I just wanted to be high on her. It wasn't worth being sober. I'm posting this because I've been curious for years as to why I felt like that. I saw her the other day for the first time in long time. She was going into a shop for expectant mothers, and my mind raced. She was always against having children. I wonder.... So now, I'm thinking again about the impact she had on me and why for the last 4 years she still has that Pavlovian effect on me whereby I feel the need to be drunk (I'm drinking as I type this) whenever I see or think about her deeply. Do you ever feel like that?
central Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 My, you had/have it bad! This sounds like obsession, OCD, extreme infatuation. And it's a delusion - it's not truly real that she is extremely better than you. The longer and more often you think this way, though, the more real it will seem to you, as you are developing (or already have developed) a bad habit, and as you know, habits can be very difficult to break.
Author TheUnthoughtKnown Posted July 19, 2014 Author Posted July 19, 2014 My, you had/have it bad! This sounds like obsession, OCD, extreme infatuation. And it's a delusion - it's not truly real that she is extremely better than you. The longer and more often you think this way, though, the more real it will seem to you, as you are developing (or already have developed) a bad habit, and as you know, habits can be very difficult to break. Obsession? Yes, I think so. Back then, anyway. It wasn't healthy at all, in retrospect. Though it felt incredible just to be around her because of how good I felt. Amazing that after four years I still feel something, though. Its dulled, nowhere near as potent it was, but the remnants are still there. Is it a common thing, you think? Does it happen often? I don't know many people ever felt like that for someone. I just wondered where it comes from.
central Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 I don't think it's common or typical, you just happened to be susceptible. Whether or not you're still disposed to such reactions, only you can say, but hopefully the experience has helped you learn to recognize and control this reaction (or maybe you no longer have it so intensely), as it can be unhealthy and potentially harmful if it gets in the way of a normal relationship.
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