Really not wanting to let go of an ex...

[prpqmnj]

Recently I've learned so much more about my ex that it's becoming a thin thread with her. Someone who started out being so amazing has quickly turned into someone that I can't believe she's become. It's almost as if she's trying to make me feel despised about her.

 

I've put up with so much already, and I told myself that it was probably nothing -- but now I find myself in a state where I'm unsure she's ever going to become the original girl I fell for. People have told me to move on (including her) and to ignore her, but yet I still feel something in me that knows that this state of her post break up isn't permanent -- but yet I can't seem to find out what her issue really is -- it's defeating!

 

We texted each other today and I finally just let it loose and said that it's always about her and that I'm never taken into consideration and that she knows what she did, but dodged all my comments about various things. So basically I'm going unheard, again. While she's prominent to make herself heard.

 

I still like this girl, I KNOW the real girl is inside of her, I've seen it. I know the girl I fell for, but this 'new her' has overtaken her to become something that's just a complete 180 -- and I'm trying to understand. Yet, I feel like I'm going nowhere.

 

What else can I do? I've told her how I feel, that if there's any baggage/issues, I can look past that, I've become so opt to look past all the bad/negative things, that I'm not sure what else there is to look past. If it's a pride thing, okay. I just miss my friend.

[Assasda]

You need to live your life and stop trying to be a therapist.

Accept things for the way they are and move on.

 

Value yourself, and others will value you

[FortunateSon]

Do nothing. You are no longer with her, she owes you nothing. People change, people put on fronts at the beginning of relationships. The is nothing more to understand. I still want to think of my last long term ex as the person she was in the beginning of the relationship, but I don't...it is simply not who she is anymore, it is an illusion. It is not the easiest thing to do, but make the effort to move forward and let go.

[notserene]

How long were you with her?

 

If she's "changed" I suspect that you are now seeing her as she really is. The "real girl" that you miss is probably her on her absolute best behavior.

[Tbisb74]

In Lurking on this site and others, I have accumulated little snippets and sayings which have resonated.

One of them is "He who cares the least, controls the most". Seems appropriate in this instance.

I think other people are quite right. The more attention you give her, the more she will beguile you. The way to stop her grabbing so much of your attention, is to ignore her, in every sense of that word.

[ExpatInItaly]

Unfortunately,you can't do anything more. You are trying to hang on, but she's already let go. You cannot make her hear you or pay attention to you; in her mind, it's over. You can't make her change back into the girl you fell for. This is the sad reality of break-ups. She is an adult and in control of her own behaviour. It's not about looking past baggage and forgiving her for past grievances in hope of reconciling, because she doesn't appear to be asking for that anyway ; it's about slowly accepting your new reality without her and healing yourself.

[Wisecrack]

Lets put it this way. While you're all moping over this chick, she is most likely being bombarded by many another guy all trying to get into her pants. Most likely one of them already has and they are getting it on. Does that hurt to know? Does it hurt that you are acting like a little girl?

 

SOmetimes the truth is harsh and the truth hurts. But guess what, you're a man, the world is at your feet. You've got a good decade of your life of your 20's, 30's or 40's whatever to chase your dreams, meet many, date many. Don't get your life hung up on a chick because guess what, she probably won't.