Author supportlove Posted July 19, 2014 Author Posted July 19, 2014 (edited) Any chance that you were his local gf for the duration of his most recent project? And now he's moving on and will find a new gf in the new locale? Because that's what it sounds like to me. He could easily have asked you to move with him. But he didn't. I wouldn't start inventing excuses for this omission. A man who wanted the r/s to continue would have taken steps of some sort, but did not. I know. Even his boss' wife keeps asking me why don't you guys move in together. I guess he didn't want anything serious from the beginning. No baggage left if he has to go. Since he is a taking his promise seriously kinda of guy, I never pushed him. Stupid me. During the BU talk, he said when the love came, he couldn't help. But, maybe it's good for him just being alone. I went through his fb posts recently, since I missed him so much. He said on one of his old posts years back that he would not consider to have a child till age 35. He's 29 now. So stubborned.. Edited July 19, 2014 by supportlove
Itspointless Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 Thanks for sharing.. it really sucks, doesn't it? Why do they come to mess our lives?! Because normal is too boring for us. We want the ideal significant other, people who recreated the kind of bonds we had with the people who formed us. Your mom knows. You (me) have to stop taking care of others. We cant take care of them if we do not (really) believe that we are worth ourselves. Try with starting to allow yourself to grief. Let your friends know you appreciate their effort but that you really feel lost and really need them and their patience the coming time. There is no why, but we can make 'it' meaningful. 1
hoping2heal Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 The problems can't be solved just because you want them to be. He has to want it to work too, and he doesn't. You've thought all about what you can do to be "better" for him and meet all of these needs of his. What about your needs? Don't they matter? They do. Your post is all about what you will do for him, and he isn't going to do anything that you need. It is one sided, therefore no, it is not going to work and if it did; you would eventually reach an impasse where you are tired of putting him first always and your needs not being properly tended to. 2
Author supportlove Posted July 20, 2014 Author Posted July 20, 2014 The problems can't be solved just because you want them to be. He has to want it to work too, and he doesn't. You've thought all about what you can do to be "better" for him and meet all of these needs of his. What about your needs? Don't they matter? They do. Your post is all about what you will do for him, and he isn't going to do anything that you need. It is one sided, therefore no, it is not going to work and if it did; you would eventually reach an impasse where you are tired of putting him first always and your needs not being properly tended to. Okay, I got it. I think I'd better let him go then. I'm going to take a good care of myself from now on. I forced myself to go out with friends tonight. They sorta of reminded me who I was before this relationship. I am responsible for my own happiness and let the god take over those things that I cannot control. Thanks guys.. Keep me being realistic. I am grateful.
crazybestie101 Posted July 20, 2014 Posted July 20, 2014 1) you are right. It does sound weird. I tried to come up with some thing that I could do to fix us. I have difficulties on doing it. I did my best. 2) he is definitely emotional unavailable right now. He put himself on it. He chased and push me into this. But he doesn't want deep love. Once he saw love become deeper and stronger, he ran. And, I still try to help him overcome the fear. I'm stupid. i went through #2. Your ex sounds like mine. May be all guy dumpers act same. I chased my ex and made it very obvious that i am fighting for him but he didnt respect that. Instead he made me look bad person , probably he tells his friends that i am crazy ex. He never looked back after my epic effort to pursue him. Its been more than 9 months of complete silence. He is done with me , i will never hear from him again. The amount of troubles and pain this guy has caused , i am fine with not hearing from him. i learned it hard way. Now when i think of him , my mind goes like why would i want to spend my time thinking about person who changed my life for worse , cause so much trouble in my career , in my family and what not. Your phase is about to begin and whatever you are feeling is obvious but i am glad you are here and you wont make same mistakes as some of us made. Good luck in this process. 1
Author supportlove Posted July 20, 2014 Author Posted July 20, 2014 i went through #2. Your ex sounds like mine. May be all guy dumpers act same. I chased my ex and made it very obvious that i am fighting for him but he didnt respect that. Instead he made me look bad person , probably he tells his friends that i am crazy ex. He never looked back after my epic effort to pursue him. Its been more than 9 months of complete silence. He is done with me , i will never hear from him again. The amount of troubles and pain this guy has caused , i am fine with not hearing from him. i learned it hard way. Now when i think of him , my mind goes like why would i want to spend my time thinking about person who changed my life for worse , cause so much trouble in my career , in my family and what not. Your phase is about to begin and whatever you are feeling is obvious but i am glad you are here and you wont make same mistakes as some of us made. Good luck in this process. Thanks for sharing. I hope you are doing good now. I totally feel your 'regrets' here. But, don't worry too much about it. 'crazy ex' ? who cares how he thinks about you? I will listen to you and won't repeat the mistake. Time to do some damage control. Cut the loose and face the fact. Thank you! Take care. 1
daisydook Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 I try to hide my feelings in front of my parents but they know me too well. My mom cried last time i visited. She said she could feel my pain. She told me not to give in too soon next time. Cannot believe my mom said that. She was the one always told me to give my best if you want something. I beat myself up just to speed healing processes. I felt so bad to bring ppl around me down. Hey Love, Coming from someone who has been through some heart break, and within the last few years, I want to just give you a big hug. Our mothers, are our rocks, and I know you said she was crying when you saw her and talked to her. She is you mom, no matter how old you are, and she would love more than anything for you to come to her when you are down, than try not to make her upset and not come over. I am sure she would steal all of your pain if she could. My mom always know when I am upset, or things aren't right, no matter what. Lol. I have tried to hide my emotions and it never works!!! Your parents are there for you always. Please remember that, and even if they know whats upsetting you and share in your tears, they would much rather that, than know you are crying alone. You're their baby girl!!!! As for friends, man, I don't know what I would have done without my best friends. One of them lived down the street, but she has a child, so she is a busy mommy, and the other was living on the east coast, in Canada. He came to be by my side the very next morning, and took a 25 hour bus ride to get there... meaning he left within about 2 hours to be with me as soon as I told him what happened. I have really good friends, who have been rock solid, always supportive and always there. They have felt my pain with me, in my times of need and just let me cry, be upset and feel what I was feeling. They know my pain, and I could not have moved through this breakup, without their support. Lean on the people who LOVE you, when you NEED them. You have been a friend who have LOVED your friend when THEY NEEDED YOU, as well. It is okay to be sad and say you need help, say you need hugs and say you need to talk. Friendship goes both ways, and I am sure you have been there for them when they have been heartbroken and sad too. Lean on your friends, like they lean on you. That is what we are here for, as friends. To be there through good and bad. xoxox 1
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