truth_seeker Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 Gone on several first dates and while some have been nice, and others not so nice, I've had no desire to see any of the women again. I know it's part of the dating process, but I got another date lined up and I have no desire to buy this woman a drink, or anything else, and hang out with her for 1-2 hours. It's not her fault but after a series of one and done dates, with me being generous paying, I just don't want to pay. Frankly, I'm sick of it. I'm basically ponying up for strangers I'll never see again. I'm not cheap, but wtf? I could go on a nice vacation at this point with the money I've spent. Just wanted some thoughts and suggestions on how to handle, get through this.
rocketman122 Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 there are a lot of deceiving people on OLD. many psychos as well. ive gone to too many dates and my wallet has taken quite a hit. not that im suggesting this to you, but im just giving you a POV from another man who was in your situation and is just fed the hell up. its come to the point that men are just tired of all the bs of dealing with a regular woman. the dating, the slow process of meeting, and the HUGE amount of money we spend. so my brothers friend says he just doesnt do OLD anymore because of this. he told me he goes straight for the gold. twice a month he hires gorgeous escorts and bangs them. he gets two hours to do pretty much what he wants, gets a level he would never get, doesnt have to go through the bull**** of meeting. doesnt have mediocre sex with a mediocre woman. doesnt have to waste time and money (it costs less compared to the tons of dates of meeting new women or even having a GF) till he gets sex with a regular woman who probably is mediocre in bed and wont do it all. now while I couldnt do this (I was so close to hiring one) I dont blame him. you waste so much time, so much effort and money and get back so little. so thhats his mindset. why do I need to waste my money time and effort jump through hoops for mediocre pewsy? he gets exactly what he wants (and more because they do so much more in bed), from gorgeous women ( a level he couldnt ever be with) who dont waste his time and money, lead him and gives him back so little. he says its not cheap but over a month he gets an amazing experience everytime with a different girl. theyre young and gorgeous and have amazing bodies and he does what he wants with them. Im not saying this is what me or you or others should do, im just telling you another guys POV who was in our shoes. this guy was fed up with the same reasons you and me are and has a solution that works for him. my POV is either learn to filter more and keep getting into these situations. I too have been burned too many times. coming to a date, seeing them and instantly knowing this not going to work out and still have to pay for a date. the frustration I walk away from that just drives me crazy. I even was dating a woman for 2 months and got nothing but kissing and a tity suck one time. I have a cutoff of three weeks for sex and if it doesnt happen I walk away. it never happened before this two monther woman and I took my friends advice who told me be patient and wait and I waitied and nothing. twice a week for 2 months! TWO MONTHS! so you see why my brothers friend does what he does. youre guaranteed amazing sex by a gorgeous woman, costs less (one 2hour session will cost you between 3-4 dates) overall and no nagging afterwards. and if you look at the statistics, more and more, men dont want to commit and more so, dont even want to get married. its just a complete bad deal for the man any way you look at it. dating or marriage. but thats a different topic. look how many single frustrated bitter people there are on this forum alone.
deathandtaxes Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 If it's hitting your wallet too hard, you need to change it up. Coffee or tea, not drinks. Meet at a park for a chat, not dinner. Be creative. Keep it simple. But most of all, have fun. And if you're not even wanting to go on a date with this next one, just cancel. You're doing her a favor. 1
Assasda Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 Gone on several first dates and while some have been nice, and others not so nice, I've had no desire to see any of the women again. I know it's part of the dating process, but I got another date lined up and I have no desire to buy this woman a drink, or anything else, and hang out with her for 1-2 hours. It's not her fault but after a series of one and done dates, with me being generous paying, I just don't want to pay. Frankly, I'm sick of it. I'm basically ponying up for strangers I'll never see again. I'm not cheap, but wtf? I could go on a nice vacation at this point with the money I've spent. Just wanted some thoughts and suggestions on how to handle, get through this. - What you do is ask the women DEEPER pressing questions. Ofcourse. You want to keep it light sometimes, but if you really want to get to know what the women are about, get deeper sometimes. - If you dont get what you want, Split the bill If you like what you hear and what you see, you might wanna pay. if you couldnt care either way, split the bill
PegNosePete Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 My first meets were always either in a bar or for coffee. If coffee, it's only a couple of quid, so suck it up. If drinks in a bar, I buy the first one, if she doesn't offer to buy the second then the date will only last for 1 drink (which doesn't mean it's bad or there won't be a second, it just means it's a bit shorter). Both are extremely cheap so if you can't even afford that then you probably need to start re-evaluating your financial situation.
HappyLove Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 How about you back away from the computer and approach women in real life?! This way you'll know if there was an attraction instantly and don't have to wonder if they look like still pictures and if they really do scuba dive like the profile says. 1
GemmaUK Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 I'm a woman and really honestly I don't agree with the whole 'he has to pay for the whole thing' idea. I would never go for a meal on a first meet nor anything that's expensive. I always offer to buy the second drink..to the extent where I am up on my feet with my purse in hand and moving toward the counter while checking what he wants. I have never not bought the second set of drinks. In relationships I don't expect gifts and flowers (I don't actually like receiving flowers personally). If he wants to treat me to a night out after a few dates that's fine and I will always return the treat. If he has more disposable income than me and wants to go out or do costly things often then he would need to bear in mind that I simply could not afford that on any regular basis and we would have to scale down or her would have to cover the more of the expenses - but that doesn't mean I stop paying for all and anything. I will still pay what I can. I think if I were a man and was meeting someone for the first time I would see it as a red flag of female entitlement that she didn't offer (offering with actual intent to pay that is at the very least). Offering (at the very least) is respectful. Expecting a man to pay for everything isn't. If she had no job or was much worse off financially than me (me being the guy) then I would make allowances for that or just make the choice not to continue dating her. 1
Gaeta Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 This is when you're suppose to adapt and learn to make better first meets. For a first meeting go for a coffee which is cheap, or an ice cream, or you meet in a park for a walk. When you feel like it's useless you stop and take a break till you feel like it again. I take breaks very often. Also, I remember once heading to meet someone for a coffee and didn't feel like it at all, I was getting bitter from all those useless meeting. I almost called the guy up to cancel, finally I went and I fell head over heels for him and we ended up in a relationship.
Cunning_Linguist Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 Is this a serious post? Then don't pay. She isn't your girlfriend.You split the check, or she pays for the next, and you politely make it clear that's how it's going to be. It's not being cheap, it's being smart. This way the interaction isn't about money. 1
preraph Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 Just meet for coffee or a quick drink and tell her beforehand you only have an hour so she can't sit there and run up the tab too long. Keep her busy talking so she doesn't have much time to imbibe.
Potz4prez Posted July 19, 2014 Posted July 19, 2014 This is when you're suppose to adapt and learn to make better first meets. For a first meeting go for a coffee which is cheap, or an ice cream, or you meet in a park for a walk. When you feel like it's useless you stop and take a break till you feel like it again. I take breaks very often. Also, I remember once heading to meet someone for a coffee and didn't feel like it at all, I was getting bitter from all those useless meeting. I almost called the guy up to cancel, finally I went and I fell head over heels for him and we ended up in a relationship. Reading this, I was thinking "Yeah, probably a good time to take a break..." and then you dropped that last line haha
Author truth_seeker Posted July 21, 2014 Author Posted July 21, 2014 Both are extremely cheap so if you can't even afford that then you probably need to start re-evaluating your financial situation. Where I live, one round of drinks in a bar is over $25. Go on five straight dates and it adds up.
Author truth_seeker Posted July 21, 2014 Author Posted July 21, 2014 How about you back away from the computer and approach women in real life?! This way you'll know if there was an attraction instantly and don't have to wonder if they look like still pictures and if they really do scuba dive like the profile says. Where did I say in my original post I was only doing OLD?
PegNosePete Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 Where I live, one round of drinks in a bar is over $25. Go on five straight dates and it adds up. $25 for 2 drinks? What do you drink, pints of vodka? So how about coffee, are you going to tell me 2 coffees from Starbucks costs $25?
Author truth_seeker Posted July 21, 2014 Author Posted July 21, 2014 there are a lot of deceiving people on OLD. many psychos as well. ive gone to too many dates and my wallet has taken quite a hit. not that im suggesting this to you, but im just giving you a POV from another man who was in your situation and is just fed the hell up. its come to the point that men are just tired of all the bs of dealing with a regular woman. the dating, the slow process of meeting, and the HUGE amount of money we spend. so my brothers friend says he just doesnt do OLD anymore because of this. he told me he goes straight for the gold. twice a month he hires gorgeous escorts and bangs them. he gets two hours to do pretty much what he wants, gets a level he would never get, doesnt have to go through the bull**** of meeting. I have to say, if you're well off, or have lots of cash at your disposal, this is the way to go. I have no problem meeting women IRL, but just about all of them after 1-3 months turn into headaches, and I find myself back at square one. The ones on OLD have way too much baggage - not all, but most. So your friend pays, I'm guessing, $2500-5000 a month to have sex with gorgeous escorts, who will please him in any way he desires? Professional athletes do this. Politicians do this. Wall street honchos do this. Just about every wealthy person on the planet does this. I think your friend is using his brain to satisfy is other brain. Kudos to him.
mammasita Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 WTF! I thought I taught you better Danielson LOL. They dont have happy hour? Meet at prime time 5-7PM for ONE drink. ~10 dollars? If you don't like her, call it done.
Author truth_seeker Posted July 21, 2014 Author Posted July 21, 2014 WTF! I thought I taught you better Danielson LOL. They dont have happy hour? Meet at prime time 5-7PM for ONE drink. ~10 dollars? If you don't like her, call it done. I'm not a cheapskate but I'm just sick of paying. It would be nice if someone treated me for once. Another thing I have to work on - stop being too nice. I feel I have to pay being the man. It bothers me having a lady buying me something. Need to change this mindset.
Author truth_seeker Posted July 21, 2014 Author Posted July 21, 2014 If it's hitting your wallet too hard, you need to change it up. Coffee or tea, not drinks. Meet at a park for a chat, not dinner. Be creative. Keep it simple. But most of all, have fun. And if you're not even wanting to go on a date with this next one, just cancel. You're doing her a favor. I won't do dinner on a first date. If the next girl I meet has a dog, I'll suggest frisbee, or throw a ball around in the park. 1
mammasita Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 I'm not a cheapskate but I'm just sick of paying. It would be nice if someone treated me for once. Another thing I have to work on - stop being too nice. I feel I have to pay being the man. It bothers me having a lady buying me something. Need to change this mindset. There's really nothing wrong with that, my BF is like that. I posted a while back about sneaking off with the bill while he was in the bathroom to pay it, otherwise he wouldn't have let me. I get that its frustrating, but you have to be willing to be a little chivalrous during the first date or two.....just keep it cheap....one drink or if you're doing OLD take a little more time to get to know the girl chatting as much as possible before you meet so you have a good idea that you're willing to spend money on her.
Author truth_seeker Posted July 22, 2014 Author Posted July 22, 2014 I get that its frustrating, but you have to be willing to be a little chivalrous during the first date or two.....just keep it cheap....one drink or if you're doing OLD take a little more time to get to know the girl chatting as much as possible before you meet so you have a good idea that you're willing to spend money on her. I hear you but... it's hard to be chivalrous when you're on your 5th consecutive date. I feel like just throwing money on the table and walking out. Please don't deny that there are women out there who go on these dates with no intention of getting to know a guy - they're just there to get something for free.
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